My insomnia is back and that is triggering menopause brain. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, it's when I completely lose my ever lovin' mind. I can be fine one second and the next I'm diving off the cliff to craziness. I hate it and my poor husband isn't too fond of it either. When we were first together I had an extended bout with severe PMS. I irritated myself to the point I couldn't stand to be in my own skin. A med change fixed that and things were great. Then almost 10 years ago I was diagnosed with early onset menopause. I had mostly physical symptoms, Aunt Flo was in residence more then she wasn't. I did not have the crazy mood swings. I have a wonderful doctor who performed an experimental procedure, same day surgery and back to normal the next day with no more monthly visits. Yep I haven't had a period in a decade, but I have all my original parts. Earlier this year the mood swings came on with a vengeance. I am not a big medication taker and am not a good candidate for hormone replacement therapy, so I have been handling it homeopathically, diet, exercise and vitamins, with some success. Unfortunately, yesterday having had only about an hour of sleep, a sick kid and a senile dog who has forgotten he needs to go outside to do his business, I skyrocketed off the cliff and crashed hard. Add to that the frustration of trying to find a job in a dying city and constant rain that caused a large tree limb to fall onto my husband's vehicle and all I really wanted to do was run away from life. Obviously not possible, so on I went struggling through the day.
My husband is much better at handling these moods then I am, but last night it wasn't working. I exploded on him, this never happens and he didn't know what to do. I know what he should have done, what would have worked, and now he does too. Yes, I told him I need him to do WHATEVER it takes to bring me back from the bottom of the cliff. Ya'll are smart people I'm sure you know what I'm referring to here. I must admit the look on his face when I said that did make me laugh.
One of the things we have been having a hard time figuring out is, in our case, having been together for so long and not needing to change our day to day life how do we incorporate ttwd into our life. He is more then willing to do whatever I want him to do. But, therein lies the current problem, I can't tell him how to be dominant. He has asked me to be patient while he works it out. I get that and don't have a problem with it. He is naturally dominant, but not with me. With me he is Mr. laid back, whatever I want I get. It makes all my friends jealous. It makes me very happy.
He tells me all the time he has two priorities in life:
1. provide for and protect me
2. make me happy
Really, what more could a girl ask for? For the last 26 years, nothing. Now, I need more and am having somewhat of a hard time figuring it out. Last night was a bit of a breakthrough, now we both know what I need, what will help. Yes, I know, I claim to be a smart woman, this should have been obvious. I said I was smart, I didn't say I was quick about it. We still have the issue of lack of privacy due to a night owl teenager in the house. We are also still dealing with the health issue. But I am caustiously optimistic that we will have a good holiday season and that we are starting to have a little bit of definition as to how this will work for us. Of course I think I am prepared to be patient and I expect that we will have our slips. I know the conversations will continue and things will work out. Next time menopause brain kicks in please remind me of that. Also any suggestions on dealing with the mood swings are appreciated.
And on a completely vanilla note, I received an email this morning offering me the chance to start the hiring process for my dream job, so keep your fingers crossed, or say a prayer, or do both, cause I really, really want this job.