Thursday, December 1, 2011

Menopause Brain = A Spanking

My insomnia is back and that is triggering menopause brain. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, it's when I completely lose my ever lovin' mind.  I can be fine one second and the next I'm diving off the cliff to craziness. I hate it and my poor husband isn't too fond of it either.  When we were first together I had an extended bout with severe PMS. I irritated myself to the point I couldn't stand to be in my own skin. A med change fixed that and things were great. Then almost 10 years ago I was diagnosed with early onset menopause. I had mostly physical symptoms, Aunt Flo was in residence more then she wasn't. I did not have the crazy mood swings. I have a wonderful doctor who performed an experimental procedure, same day surgery and back to normal the next day with no more monthly visits. Yep I haven't had a period in a decade, but I have all my original parts. Earlier this year the mood swings came on with a vengeance. I am not a big medication taker and am not a good candidate for hormone replacement therapy, so I have been handling it homeopathically, diet, exercise and vitamins, with some success.  Unfortunately, yesterday having had only about an hour of sleep, a sick kid and a senile dog who has forgotten he needs to go outside to do his business, I skyrocketed off the cliff and crashed hard. Add to that the frustration of trying to find a job in a dying city and constant rain that caused a large tree limb to fall onto my husband's vehicle and all I really wanted to do was run away from life. Obviously not possible, so on I went struggling through the day.

My husband is much better at handling these moods then I am, but last night it wasn't working. I exploded on him, this never happens and he didn't know what to do. I know what he should have done, what would have worked, and now he does too. Yes, I told him I need him to do WHATEVER it takes to bring me back from the bottom of the cliff. Ya'll are smart people I'm sure you know what I'm referring to here. I must admit the look on his face when I said that did make me laugh. 

One of the things we have been having a hard time figuring out is, in our case, having been together for so long and not needing to change our day to day life how do we incorporate ttwd into our life. He is more then willing to do whatever I want him to do. But, therein lies the current problem, I can't tell him how to be dominant. He has asked me to be patient while he works it out. I get that and don't have a problem with it. He is naturally dominant, but not with me. With me he is Mr. laid back, whatever I want I get. It makes all my friends jealous. It makes me very happy.

He tells me all the time he has two priorities in life:

1. provide for and protect me 
2. make me happy

Really, what more could a girl ask for?  For the last 26 years, nothing. Now, I need more and am having somewhat of a hard time figuring it out. Last night was a bit of a breakthrough, now we both know what I need, what will help. Yes, I know, I claim to be a smart woman, this should have been obvious. I said I was smart, I didn't say I was quick about it.  We still have the issue of lack of privacy due to a night owl teenager in the house. We are also still dealing with the health issue. But I am caustiously optimistic that we will have a good holiday season and that we are starting to have a little bit of definition as to how this will work for us. Of course I think I am prepared to be patient and I expect that we will have our slips. I know the conversations will continue and things will work out. Next time menopause brain kicks in please remind me of that. Also any suggestions on dealing with the mood swings are appreciated.

And on a completely vanilla note, I received an email this morning offering me the chance to start the hiring process for my dream job, so keep your fingers crossed, or say a prayer, or do both, cause I really, really want this job.


  1. Fingers, eyes and toes crossed for you.

    Have you tried wild yam root cream? it sort of worked for me.You can purchase at a health food store. Other's have tried black cohash. I can so relate to the mood swings. It's like an evil person comes in and takes over. My husband used to say w could be having a normal conversation and a look would come over my face and he knew to get out as soon as he could. We laugh about it now but it wasn't pleasant for either of us.
    Good luck with it - hopefully you'll get through it quickly.

  2. faerie,

    I'm not going through menopause...not yet by a long shot. That said, I was having symptoms of low progresterone. I would suggest using natural progesterone cream. A good book to read would be What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause by Dr. John Lee with Virginia Hopkins.

    Regarding your job search, I will pray and wish you luck:)!


    P.S. I'm so sorry you're having sleep issues. It's probably hormone related, also.

  3. *fingers crossed & prayers lifted* Mood swings, oh yes, that's something I've been dealing with too...not fun. :( Sounds like maybe you guys had a bit of a breakthrough though. :)

  4. Well, I know what PMS Brain feels like, so this cannot be good. Spank her Mr. Laid Back! I'm teasing really does sound like you have sorted some things out.

  5. OH! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you in the dream job!!
    I too have sleep issues, but I think mine is the old brain working too hard.

  6. Sunnygirl, thank you for crossing everything for me. This really is my dream job, it's a two phase test before hire, but please don't hurt yourself with everything crossed lol. I'm off to the health food store tomorrow as I am willing to try almost anything to make this stop.

    Kitty, I hate to tell you this, but I'm only 2 years older then you. Scared yet? I have downloaded the book on my kindle and will read it soon, like tomorrow. Thank you for the prayers, I'm trying not to be too excited in case it doesn't happen, but just between you and me, I'm soooooooo excited.

    Grace, I'm not sure who's idea it was to give emotional creatures such as women mood swings, but they really should rethink it, lol. Yes, definitely a breakthrough.

    Susie, no it's not good, and I yes he should spank me, I get positively evil. I have been stuck on a name for my hubby for the blog, I kind of like Mr. Laid Back. Hmmmm, must ponder on that some more.

  7. faerie,

    No, I'm not scared, lol! I have 3 older sisters and when I saw older I mean by quite a bit..(15, 14, and 12 years older).

    Only the oldest two have gone through menopause and the third one is just now going through it.

    From the research I've studied, the age a woman goes through menopause has a LOT to do with the age her mother, etc. went through it. My mother would have continued cycling longer, but she chose to have a hysterectomy when she was about 50. She regrets it now.


    P.S. Another good book is Taking Charge of Your Fertility, even if you're not interested in conceiving it has a lot of good information about women and their cycles.

  8. Kitty, I did get the early onset menopause from my mother, not the best gift she could have given me, lol. Not only am I not interested in conceiving but i haven't been able to for 16 years as I had a tubal the day after my son was born. The procedure I had 10 years ago also would have prevented conception, but I will keep the book in mind as I really don't care for the evil person that takes over my body.

    Emi, thank you for the support on the job. I have had issues with insomnia off and on since I was a teenager. I have often said if I could just find the off button for my brain I would be fine. Maybe I should ask my husband to look for it. HaHaHa.

  9. Good luck on the job and Saint Johns Wort helps with the mood swings and depression.

  10. First off - prayers are being said for the job. I really,really hope you get it (assuming of course that it will still leave you time to blog. Other wise you'll just have to turn it down!)

    No advice at all on the menopause thing. Don't be mad but my was so easy I never knew it was happening. My one and only symptom was that Aunt Flo stopped coming.

    We still have problems working TTWD into our lives too. Nick would be so happy if I could just be happy with the fun sexy ones. I try but there will always be a longing in me for more.


  11. Tiffany, thank you for the tip on the St. John's, I take it religiously and it does help, just not enough.

    PK, This would be a telecommuting job, so lots of time to blog, lol. I'm not mad menopause was easy for you, I do wish it was easier for me though. I believe my hubby also would be happy if it was just a sex game, in fact until last night I think he thought that is what I wanted. Partially it is, and I had no idea how to explain better to him what I needed. I guess if there is an upside to menopause this may be it. How's that for a glass half full outlook? LOL

  12. hi faerie, i have only just found your blog - how did i miss it?
    Good luck with your job,ive everything crossed for you.
    I think from what you have said your post you and hubby know for next time that menapause brain kicks in exactly what to do. Im only new to ttwd too but talk talk and more talk is what works best i find. And sometimes that means having to go and ask for a spanking...hard as that might be to do.
    Good luck.right now im off to read more of your blog
    love and hugs kiwi xxx

  13. Oh, faerie, I'm so sorry! I have the opposite problem, my body wants to sleep but I don't have time! Hope you resolve those issues soon. Yes, will pray for you; I don't cross fingers, that only gets you arthritis! xxxxxxxx

  14. faerie... I'm so sorry you are struggling.. and I'm praying for all of it!! ((hugs))

  15. My mood swings usually occur when I fail to get my own way I'm ashamed to say! Hope things get better for you and fingers crossed you get this job :)

    Dee x

  16. Mikki, Thank you, this is a difficult time of year for us, as it is for so many, but as I said I am cautiously optimistic about everything, once I get past the frustration that is, lol.

    Daisychain, I'm keeping the faith that things will get better.

    Kiwi, welcome to my little corner of the world. I'm pretty new at this and easy to miss. LOL Thank you for all the lovely comments, I can't tell you how much being able to get things out here has helped. This is a wonderful supportive community, I have met some awesome people and feel at home here. Come visit me anytime.

  17. Dee, Honey those aren't mood swings, those are temper tantrums, LOL. I seriously hate them and want them to go away. Thank you for the well wishes, I've slept for 2 nights in a row and am feeling better, now on to the first test phase for the job.