Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Let's Dance

During our many conversations over the last week my husband kept saying he didn't want anything in our everyday life to change. He feels if he were to micromanage me I would kick his ass(his words). Once I stopped laughing I agreed he was right. Such a smart guy he is. But really, we have been together a long time and we worked all the details so to speak out a long time ago. When we were first together we fought not alot, but when we did fight they were bad. During one particularly bad fight I threw a coffee table at him. I'm really not the type to throw or break things when I get mad, in fact that's the only time somthing like that ever happened. Thank the good lord I didn't actually hit him with it. And let me just say here, he has never raised a hand to me in anger and he never would, hurting a woman is not in his DNA. He has punched a few walls, broke his hand once doing it. Well after that incident I went to the bookstore and looked at the relationship and self help books. I had scared the every lovin' crap out of myself and didn't want it to happen again. I found a couple that resonated with me, so I bought them and took them home. As I read them I discussed them with hubby, the things in the books made sense to him too. We used a lot of strategies in those two books to learn how to effectively communicate with each other. We learned alot about ourselves and each other. Some of the things were difficult to do, but we kept at it and things got better between us and the strategies soon became like second nature for us. So no need to reinvent the wheel here. He was relieved to hear I agreed with him in that respect.

So I went back and looked at the books recently.  Books are the one thing I never get rid of, too Fahrenheit 451ish for me. I wanted to see if these books in any way alluded to Dominance and submission or anything like that. They didn't, just communication skills. So I guess I really am a naturally submissive woman, cause I really don't struggle with it at all. Of course I'm only that way with him, in most any other relationship I'm the Dominant.  Oddly enough I don't struggle or need an adjustment time when switching between the two either. Okay, I was prepared to accept that I might really be naturally submissive and had just suppressed it due to the circumstances I grew up with. But something has been niggling away at the back of mind about it. Seems my subconscious wasn't quite as prepared to accept that label as I was.

Then I remembered one of the worst fights we had ever had, you would think me throwing a coffee table would be it, but sadly no. The one thing that always caused the worst fights between us was my dancing. I've said before I love to dance and I still dance alot, almost every day.  Now the easiest way to explain why my dancing caused such problems is tell you something my husband's best friend said about it. He told my husband I could make millions on the pole. Yeah, he meant a stripper pole. Now I have never removed my clothes while dancing, except for my husband, I do that all the time. I have also never made any money dancing, too prostitutey for me. I know that's not a word, but I don't think the grammar police care too much. 

Anyway, hubby likes the way I dance, he just doesn't care for the way strangers react to it. Mainly they come on to me. I always turn them down, but it has caused him to get in a few, or maybe more, fights with other guys.  So one night I was dancing, hubby was playing pool, our usual night out at the time. A guy approached me and started coming on to me,  my hubby has unerring radar for this kind of thing and is instantly at my side when it happens. The guy asked me if I thought he could beat my husband. I told him no I didn't and that it didn't matter anyway since I had come with him I was leaving with him. The guy backed off, I thought I had handled it well.  My husband was more pissed then I could fathom. I had no idea why he was mad at me.  We left for home shortly after that.

Once we got home the fighting commenced, I really just didn't get it.  I mean I had taken care of my self and protected myself all my life and I didn't need him to do it for me. That as it turns out was the problem. He told me he knew I didn't need him to protect me, but he wanted to be the one to protect me. Light bulb moment for me, I guess I was just so used to doing it myself I never even entertained the idea of letting someone else do it.  I made a conscious decision at that moment, I would let him protect me and I would do what I could to make it easier for him.  I do still dance in public on occasion, but only after I have checked with him to see if he is comfortable with it. Sometimes he isn't, I don't do it then, cause his happiness is way more important to me then dancing. That is what really started me down this road. I found someone who could give me the one thing I had never had and didn't know I even wanted, protection.

On Black Friday, I went to my favorite consignment shop and hit the jackpot. We have his holiday party coming up, I found the sparkliest silver heels and the cutest little black dress. The dress looks like the one worn by Marilyn Monroe, the one that blows up around her while she is standing on the grate, except it's black. Both the shoes and dress fit like they were tailor made for me, and bonus the whole outfit only cost $30. I love a good deal. When I modeled them for my husband later that night he said I was going to be the sexiest wife on the dance floor and I was all his. Such a smart man.

I also asked for dance lessons for christmas. He said yes, they start in February. Now don't go trying to picture me in a pink tutu or anything like that. I'm going to learn to belly dance.  Hip wraps and belly chains here I come. HaHaHaHa.

8 comments:

  1. How wonderful to be so well loved. It wraps you in a cocoon proving freedom and security.
    I 'm that lucky too.
    Great find on your holiday outfit.

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  2. I like the way you two work together. You obviously care about each other very much. Nick never wanted to micromanage me either. Like you two we've been together so long we have things worked out. But that leaves me with a void sometimes. I want to feel his dominance, I want to be submissive but it's not what he wants and sometimes I flounder.

    Hugs,
    PK

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  3. faerie,

    Have fun at your dance lessons! That sounds like it would be a blast:).

    Don't feel bad about having big fights. I maintain that couples that are emotional and argue and fight have better sex...that's my story and I'm sticking to it, lol!

    Love,
    Kitty

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  4. Kitty, my friend I think you may have misunderstood, those fights occurred during the first years of our marriage, we don't fight now preferring to use our energy in other much more satisfying ways.

    PK, I new you would understand, and I like the way you put it, I am definitely familiar with the void and am quite surprised at the innocuous things that set me to floundering.

    Sunnygirl, Yes I am well loved and I glad you are too. Honestly I don't understand why people choose to accept less, but that's just me.

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  5. Actually, I did understand what you meant, and was just trying to convey not to feel too bad about your fights from long ago. Obviously, I didn't do a good job, lol!

    Hugs,
    Kitty

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  6. Sorry about that Kitty, and it was probably me, I shouldn't go online when I haven't slept.

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  7. No worries, and I hope you are sleeping alright.

    Love,
    Kitty

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