tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32603146844631373492024-03-13T23:13:26.538-04:00faerie learns to flyBe Stronger Than The StormFaerie Wingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10815932181165053031noreply@blogger.comBlogger419125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-12235037800878945612019-11-25T12:08:00.000-05:002019-11-25T12:08:28.786-05:00Who am I?I mentioned in my last post that we are redefining who we are individually and as a couple. This has been especially so for me, I find myself in a position I never really imagined.<br />
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I've worn many faces over the years: daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, lover, wife, mother, grandmother, employee, caregiver, mentor, victim, survivor, thriver, submissive, massochist. But, who am I now?<br />
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I've been thinking about this quite a bit and I don't honestly know. I guess I'm still a daughter, but my parents are deceased. I'm quite OK with that since they were the ones who made me a victim. I became a survivor and thriver without any input or support from them. <br />
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I'm still a mother and grandmother, but my children and grandchildren do not live close. I'm not an active participant in their lives due to long standing issues that have caused us to be estranged. That makes me sad, but they aren't interested in changing that and I can't force them to make the necessary changes required. Musicman has a better relationship with them and he frequently shares pictures of our grandkids with me.<br />
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Employee, caregiver, mentor: many years ago I chose to pursue a career in health care. I spent 38 years as a professional caregiver. I was quite successful and for a period of time mentored people entering the profession. In addition to being a professional caregiver, I also found myself in the position of being the main caregiver for family and friends. I found it quite fulfilling. <br />
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Unfortunately, 2 1/2 years ago I sustained a separated shoulder in an accident. I haven't worked a day since then. Shortly after that I received a diagnosis of severe degenerative arthritis in most of my major joints and spine. Chronic pain and numbness on some level have become my new normal. I will never be able to hold down a job again. I find it very ironic that I spent so many years caring for others and now I struggle to take care of myself.<br />
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I can now happily say I continue to be a wife and lover to my Musicman. Just a year ago I thought that was coming to an end. It's been a tumultuous year, but we're finally in a good place. Due to my physical issues and things that Musicman is going through, being physical lover's is a bit more challenging than we would like. We are communicating well about these issues and are working through them.<br />
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Submissive and masochist, yes those proclivities are still present for me, I just don't indulge in them right now. Obviously my physical issues are partly the cause of that. If properly motivated we could find ways to work around them. I don't want to. Musicman has brought it up a few times, but I've shut him down every time. Right now I don't feel like I'm in a good place mentally or emotionally to bring D/s or TTWD back into our relationship. There is a part of me that misses it, but there's a bigger part of me that isn't ready for that yet. I'm not sure what it would take or what would need to happen for me to be comfortable with that dynamic again.<br />
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<br />Faerie Wingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10815932181165053031noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-17495631421902417862019-11-04T10:55:00.000-05:002019-11-04T10:55:16.037-05:00Breaking the StigmaPlease note: at this time I'm unable to answer comments. I'm not sure why, it could be the old tablet I'm using or the fact that I can't update the program. Just know that I do read them and appreciate everyone's input.<br />
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Some of the commenters have suggested that I leave Musicman and find my own happiness. I truly understand that sentiment. In fact I did leave him. In November of last year I gave him a week's notice that I was moving 600 miles away. I told him that he needed to really think about whether he wanted to be with me. I told him I wasn't coming back and that if he did in fact want to continue our marriage he had to be willing to come to me.<br />
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He was born, raised and lived his entire life in the same 5 mile radius. I knew moving would be very hard for him. He has always been a pessimistic person. That trait has been much more prevalent in the last few years.<br />
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Statistics show that 1 in 4 people will be affected by mental illness in their lifetime. Many of those people do not reach out for help, I believe it's more difficult for men to admit it and ask. Most of the men in my generation were raised to not really show emotions and certainly never admit they might be depressed and need help. This was exactly what Musicman and I have been dealing with.<br />
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I'm very happy to say that Musicman, with a lot of support from me, admitted a few months ago that he was depressed and needed more help than I was able to provide.<br />
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I made an appointment with his physician and at his request went with him. He struggled quite a bit talking to his doctor. I was able to fill in answers for him when he couldn't answer. The mental health screening resulted in him having a diagnosis of a severe episode of depression. He didn't want to take medication, but he did agree to try it. It's helped quite a bit.<br />
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I've also seen a drastic change for the better since we moved into our own place. Musicman told me the first week in our new home that he was really happy. Neither of us realized how much it bothered him to be living in another man's home. He willinglyadmits that my brother and T have a lovely home. They did everything they could to make him feel comfortable, but it was a huge weight on his shoulders. I guess it's a guy thing cause I've always been quite comfortable living with them.<br />
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I've been with Musicman for 34 years. We promised in sickness or in health when we took our vows. I've been with him through a few major physical health issues. I couldn't give up on him just because he is dealing with a non-physical health issue. As long as he's willing to seek treatment and work on getting better, I'll be there for him. I love him.<br />
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I'm starting to see more and more everyday of the man I fell in love with all those years ago. We're definitely in a time in our lives where we both are redefining who we are individually and as a couple. Our life together is now very different than either of us could have imagined, but we are happy with the direction we are moving in.<br />
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<br />Faerie Wingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10815932181165053031noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-65557923675009287182019-10-26T00:43:00.000-04:002019-10-26T00:43:24.657-04:00It's been awhile It's been awhile. So much has changed.<br />
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I finally got a decision, I'm officially retired.<br />
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In actuality, I'm broken, disabled is the title they've given me. I find it quite ironic that I spent 38 years as a professional caregiver and now I struggle to take care of myself .<br />
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Things with Musicman have continued to be difficult. More than once I've wished I didn't believe him when he said he missed me and he realized he made a mistake in not putting me first. I've seriously wished I never let him move here. I've always tried to live my life without regrets, he makes that very hard to do.<br />
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I have been very happy living with my brother and T, Musicman, not so much. I finally got everything settled and found the perfect place for us to live.<br />
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Despite the fact that Musicman was the one who wanted so desperately to get our own place, he did almost nothing to help with the move. It's been extremely taxing taking care of everything myself, but I'm managing.<br />
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I found a lovely apartment. I'm just feet away from the pool, the landscaping has palm trees all around. It has an open floor plan, something I've always wanted. Lots of big windows which allows for an abundance of natural light and bonus, I can look out those windows and see the palm trees. That makes me so happy.<br />
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We've been here about a week and the unpacking is kicking my big fat ass, but I'm doing my best to get it all done.<br />
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I've still got major challenges ahead. I have to see a neurosurgeon. Surgery on my cervical spine is not an if, but a when, and how extensive. It's kind of frightening when your doctor tells you, your high risk for paralization. I also have to see an orthopedic surgeon. Just my luck the last one I had messed up and the surgery that was supposed to fix my separated shoulder failed.<br />
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Honestly, it's all a little too much for me to comprehend. It's scary and I often feel all alone. I don't feel that I can rely on Musicman, I really have no reason to believe otherwise. My brother and T will do their best to support me, but they have their own lives and issues to deal with and I'm not so great at accepting help.<br />
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<br />Faerie Wingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10815932181165053031noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-34838345434007136262019-06-04T14:45:00.000-04:002019-06-04T14:45:32.526-04:00When the World CrumblesThe urge to write has become overwhelming. I wish I had the time and capability to visit and write more often. I know I've not been very good at answering comments, but please know that I read them all and appreciate the positive energy and support.<br />
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I'm knee deep in a 2 year battle for the benefits I've paid into for the last 40 years. If y'all can spare a positive thought or prayer on the 20th, it would be helpful. I go before a judge that day and he/she will make a judgment about my future.<br />
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Musicman and I are still living with my brother and T. Thing's are going very well with that. I spend most days with 2 beautiful pit bulls, they are total love bugs and are great listener's . I definitely need that because Musicman is not adjusting to the move very well.<br />
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Musicman has told me it feels like his world is crumbling around him. I understand that, but I'm embracing it. Instead of focusing on what is crumbling, I focus on the new growth coming through the pile of crumbs. I am still trying to get him to look at it that way. It's most definitely an uphill battle.<br />
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I love the fact that the sun comes out every day. I love the warmth, we had temperatures in the high 90's last week. So different from where we used to live. I love the awesome tan I've already gotten, 10 minutes at a time while taking the doggies out. Musicman hates the weather, his job and this city. He's definitely not embracing the changes.<br />
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His chosen profession is very much in demand here. One would think that would make finding a good job easy. In our experience, not so much. Employers here have no qualms about lying to him or omitting certain information in order to get him to take the job. We're still looking for a good fit for him. It's very hard to watch him struggle.<br />
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Help!!! Help!!! Help!!!<br />
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<br />Faerie Wingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10815932181165053031noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-86514937932230917652019-02-27T09:58:00.000-05:002019-02-27T09:58:03.185-05:00An Entirely New Start<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_1436862122"></span><span id="goog_1436862123"></span>It's been about a month now since our move. I'm not gonna lie, the first couple of weeks were rough. Very rough.<br />
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Musìcman was extremely stressed and taking it out on me. I was doing everything I knew to be understanding and supportive, but he was saying and doing some very hurtful things. I really began to regret giving him another chance.<br />
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I really thought that when I left him back in November he would have realized that I've changed. We had enough conversations that I thought he grasped the fact that I am no longer going to allow him to disrespect me in any way. He didn't.<br />
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Sad to say, but things became so bad that I told him to pack his stuff and go back to where we moved from. He didn't, but he has had a major change in attitude.<br />
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He's finally starting to realize that we have opportunities here to make a better life for ourselves. He's starting to learn how to relax and enjoy himself again, something he had forgotten how to do. I'm starting to see more and more glimpses of the wonderful man I fell in love with all those years ago.<br />
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Due to the fact that we are living with my brother and T there have not been much chances for playtime, but I'm very hopeful that will change once we find our own place.<br />
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I don't believe that once we get our own place that playtime will just be picked up where we left off. I don't want that. We definitely need to redefine what TTWD is for us. An entirely new start. I'm looking forward to that.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-55169960365634368762019-01-23T16:09:00.000-05:002019-01-23T16:09:24.122-05:00New Year, New Beginning Hi all. So much has happened since I was last able to write.<br />
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I spent time getting settled in with my brother and T. It truly feels like home to me and I've been very happy there. The only thing missing was Musicman.<br />
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It's hard to walk away from a 33 year relationship, especially when you don't want to, but I had to. If I was going to survive and thrive, be happy again, I had to leave. I left it up to him to make the decision to join me or not.<br />
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It didn't take him too long before he was saying he made a mistake. He admitted he had been focusing on all the wrong things when he should have been focusing on me. Yep, sounds good, but what are you going to do about it ? At this point, words mean very little to me. I want to see action.<br />
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He got vacation time at the new year. He came down the weekend before New Year's. I was cautiously optimistic about starting the new year with him in my new home.<br />
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He had several job interviews setup. He knew I wasn't going back to our old home unless it was to pack up because he had a firm start date for a job in the city that was my new home.<br />
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I have family and friends in the new city. I've begun building a new life there. I've definitely changed, but I still want him in my life. I just want it on my terms. Might seem like a lot to expect, but I've given up a lot over the last many years for everyone else. This is my time.<br />
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I'm currently happily ecstatic and exhausted. Musicman, the man who was born, raised and lived his entire 54 years in the same 5 mile radius, received multiple job offers in the city I now consider home. He's moving 600 miles away from everything he's ever known.<br />
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A new city, a new job and eventually a new home. And he's doing it to be with me. I'm so happy I don't even have words. I've wanted this for years, though I never really thought it would happen. Someone needs to pinch me so I know it's real.<br />
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Things are hectic, and it may take me awhile to get back here, but hopefully I will, with tales of faerie flying again.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-54380329552806604772018-11-12T09:38:00.000-05:002018-11-12T09:38:04.009-05:00Short updateHi everyone, thank you all for the support , it really is appreciated. I thought of all of y'all during my drive yesterday . It helped me quite a bit when I started getting nervous about doing the drive. <br />
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I definitely had angels on my side. The drive was uneventful and I'm so proud of myself for accomplishing it. <br />
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I obviously have quite a bit of things to do to get settled into this next phase of my life. Internet service is kind of spotty, but I'm hoping to be able to pop in occasionally with updates and to visit.Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-8604671534749342842018-11-07T15:08:00.000-05:002019-01-20T15:43:31.091-05:00Thank you and farewell, for now First I'd like to say, Thank You. Thank you to my readers and commenters over all the many years I've come here to express my thoughts and emotions.<br />
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This is the most welcoming community I've ever had the privilege to be a part of. No matter what I'm dealing with I've always been able to come here and express myself. I've received love, support, friendship and the occasional kick in the ass when needed.<br />
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I wish blogland was a real physical place. There have been so many days I would have given just about anything to pop in and have a cup of coffee or maybe a glass of wine and chat with y'all. I've found much wisdom and strength from each and every one of you, be it through comments you've left, or what you've shared on your own blogs. Y'all have helped me more than you can know.<br />
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Now for the farewell.<br />
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I've spent the last several weeks getting my affairs in order. I'm leaving Musicman. Words I never thought I'd say. Words that break my heart. I still love him, but this relationship, the entire situation really, is toxic. If I don't leave I will not survive. I truly believe that and can not let that happen.<br />
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I'm leaving Sunday. I'm going to be staying with my brother and T. I've spent quite a bit of the last year with them and that truly is home for me now.<br />
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I'm scared. I'm excited. I feel confident in my decision. I feel free. I'm looking forward to having a life and being happy again instead of just existing.<br />
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I don't know if I'll have much time or content to write about so I don't know if I'll ever come back.<br />
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I don't long distance drive. I tend to have panic attacks just being a passenger in a car on the highway. I have to drive 300 miles by myself on Sunday. Prayers and positive thoughts are appreciated, especially since there is a good possibility I'll be driving through a snow storm the first couple of hours.<br />
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I wish you all much love and happiness .<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-76133836224294929972018-10-26T23:39:00.000-04:002018-10-26T23:39:41.200-04:00Self Preservation vs. Selfishness Self-preservation - noun,<br />
Preservation of oneself from destruction or harm.<br />
A natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve ones own existence.<br />
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Selfishness - noun,<br />
Being concerned obsessively or exclusively, with oneself or one's own advantage, pleasure, or welfare, regardless of others.<br />
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These words and definitions have become an obsession for me. <br />
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I haven't concerned myself much with the first one lately. Years really. Self care is not my strength.<br />
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I don't think anyone would accuse me of the second. In fact, more to the point, I've spent my entire adult life, both personally and professionally, caring for others. Sometimes to my own detriment.<br />
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I feel the need to change that. I need to practice some self-preservation. In order to survive and thrive again, I have to learn self-preservation.<br />
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Ironically, I'm struggling with that. It feels selfish to me.<br />
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Being a strong adult sucks, probably why I identify as submissive.<br />
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That's not actually working out so well, time to take my power back.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-41586556562091365072018-10-24T18:51:00.000-04:002018-10-24T18:51:45.030-04:00Trust and Communication Trust, so crucial for a healthy, happy relationship. I've often heard that it can take months, years, or even decades, to earn someone's trust. I can reliably say that has been my experience.<br />
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There was a time, after many years, that I trusted Musicman without question. I believed unconditionally that I could share anything with him and he would love and support me. For many years, decades even, he did, until he didn't.<br />
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Disrespect, lies and betrayal became the cornerstone of our relationship. Despite all that, I kept hanging in there. Hoping and trying to make things better between us. It didn't work, mostly because I was the only one trying.<br />
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I finally accepted, after several separations over the span of a year, that what we had couldn't be fixed. I accepted that my marriage was over. I just had to go back home to finalize some things, mostly health related.<br />
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Then what seemed like a miracle happened. Musicman came for me. He said everything I wanted and needed to hear. He made promises that I wanted to believe. I freely admit, I believed him. However, trust broken isn't that easy to reestablish.<br />
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I actually have felt guilty during the last 2 months that I've been home I have not been open with my communication. I haven't entirely trusted him or his intentions. I haven't been totally honest about what I want, intimacy wise. It felt too soon for me. I needed more time, and actions from him before I felt I could fully commit to us again. In short, I was guarding my heart.<br />
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Turns out I was wise to do that. Yeah, without even a second thought, he betrayed me again. He lied to me and put me in a position to fear for my physical safety.<br />
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I grew up a victim of horrific abuse. I survived and even thrived and I made a vow to myself.<br />
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I. Will. NEVER. Be. A. Victim. Again.<br />
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I rarely give second chances. Musicman got one because I love him so very much. Unfortunately, he didn't appreciate how much I loved him or how huge it was that he got a second chance. He will not be getting a third chance. I'll be getting my affairs in order and at age 54, starting a new life in a new place.<br />
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Wish me luck, I haven't been single since before the Internet began, not even sure I remember how.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-34175804548827550632018-09-11T10:04:00.000-04:002018-09-11T10:04:27.479-04:00First Time When was the last time you did something for the first time? <br />
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That's a song by Darius Rucker. It has really resonated with me ever since I heard it. I am very much an adventurous person, not necessarily a thrill seeker, but definitely adventurous. That song made me realize how stagnant our life had become. So I've decided to change that.<br />
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T helped me get started. My brother's 50th birthday occurred while I was down with them. He wanted to ignore it, she wanted to plan something epic for him. So we set about planning .<br />
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We recruited some good friends. A young neighbor family with 3 young kids and another neighbor friend, a single mom and her young son. We rented a pontoon boat for the afternoon. We had plenty of food and beverages. Trying to coordinate and get everyone to the place on time, without telling my brother what was going on, was a bit challenging but we pulled it off. None of us had ever been on a pontoon boat before. We had an absolute blast. Watching my brother help the little ones take turns driving the boat is a precious memory I will forever hold close. He told T and I that it was the most fun he'd had since they moved south 4 years ago. That alone made all the stress of planning and executing that adventure worth it.<br />
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That wasn't the only adventurous thing I did while with them. I had lots of first time moments, but I also fulfilled a bucket list item. There is something I've been wanting to do for many years. Again I recruited T and the wife of the young couple who went on the boat with us, we've become very close.<br />
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I got my nipples pierced. I wasn't afraid or worried at all. In fact T and Ash were getting other things pierced, nothing nearly as exotic as their nipples, but they were practically hyperventilating when we pulled into the parking lot of the piercing place. I volunteered to go first. The piercer was quick and very professional. It took about 10 minutes and T and Ash couldn't believe that I carried on a normal conversation the whole time. <br />
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Musicman is totally obsessed with them, though a bit bummed that he can't play with them yet. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow that I got them done. They are healing well, so hopefully soon he will be able to give them the attention he'd like. He is determined that I'm going to wear a chain connecting them together. I'm not opposed to that, but realistically, it's gonna be a while before that can safely happen.<br />
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And now for something on the serious side. For any of my readers in the path of Hurricane Florence, please be safe. My brother and T are in a place that is going to take a direct hit. Evacuations have been issued but my brother is refusing to leave. T is scared out of her mind and stressed beyond belief. I'll be praying for everyone in it's path and some positive thoughts from y'all would be greatly appreciated.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-74822507343036454492018-09-07T13:08:00.000-04:002018-09-07T13:08:54.712-04:00His Oh Shit Moment Where to even begin? So much has happened. Despite the heaviness in my heart about the end of my marriage I had a wonderful time with my brother and T. They take excellent care of me and are totally 100% supportive of whatever I need to do to be happy and healthy.<br />
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I spent the first couple weeks relaxing, letting my shoulder heal and enjoying adventures with them. T and I talked extensively about what I needed to do to physically leave my home and start my new life. I actively planned what I would be taking with me, not very much, and how I was going to get those things along with myself to my new home. I had a viable plan complete with a doable timeline.<br />
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During this time Musicman continued to text me several times a day. I cringed every time he did. It was very much like texting with a distant acquaintance. Our inability to talk about anything important or relevant to our relationship just reinforced for me the need to leave. <br />
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Then something happened, something changed. Not with me, with Musicman. He wanted to come down and see me. He said he missed me. He said he wanted me back. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. I had no reason to believe that he had changed or that him coming to see me would change anything. I'll be honest, I didn't want him coming down and ruining my sanctuary. I didn't want bad memories of him haunting me in a place I felt safe and empowered enough to start life over.<br />
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A few days after that text I received a phone call from Musicman. He was very distraught and emotional. That in itself is quite out of character for him. He admitted that he'd made many mistakes in the last few years. He admitted and apologized for the fact that those mistakes really hurt me. He asked again if he could come and see me.<br />
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I was reluctant to let him come. I set some very clear ground rules for him if he did come down. He agreed to those ground rules and he did come down. I was tentatively hopeful that he not only meant the things he had said to me but also that his actions would align with his words.<br />
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Musicman has never taken a long distance trip without me. He's always the driver and I'm the navigator, that has always worked well for us. This trip was his first test, he had to do it alone. For various reasons that were not of his doing a 10 hour drive turned into 13 hours. <br />
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I was excited to see him, but a bit nervous too. Had he really changed? Was he really going to be the man I loved so much or was he playing me? I truly didn't know and that scared me.<br />
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Things started out well. I saw the change in him immediately. He was again the man I fell in love with all those years ago, the man I wanted, the man I needed him to be. We had a wonderful couple of days together, then things went off the rails.<br />
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One evening, after a lovely day together, the Musicman of the last few years came back. Things got ugly. I felt like a complete idiot for believing him, for believing he had meant all the things he said. I definitely felt I had made a big mistake letting him come down. <br />
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T, bless her soul, stepped in and acted as a mediator and counselor. We talked and talked and talked. I felt like we were going in circles and accomplishing nothing. To say Musicman is stubborn is an understatement and there were things he had made his mind up about that he just couldn't let go of. Things that would make it impossible for us to move forward together. <br />
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I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I left Musicman and T still talking and showered and went to bed. I'm not sure what T said, but the next morning Musicman and I talked again. This time he heard me, he let go of his preconceived notions and actually listened and validated what I was saying. My Musicman was back.<br />
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The rest of our visit went very well. I came home with Musicman, though we both wished we could have stayed longer. I was a bit worried that things might not continue to go well once we got home. So far they are, much to my pleasant surprise. <br />
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Musicman did something huge that really went a long way toward restoring my trust in him. A huge sticking point for me was the fact that our adult son was living in our home. Musicman had told him he was coming to see me and that he needed to be out of the house when we got home. <br />
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Our son wasn't home when we got home, but his stuff was here. That made me very nervous and unhappy. He showed up the next afternoon. I know it wasn't easy, but Musicman confronted him and told him he couldn't stay. He actually listened and left. We've spent our first week home cleaning and reclaiming our home and reconnecting with each other.<br />
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I still don't know what happened that finally caused Musicman to make the changes he needed to make to keep me from leaving. I have no plans to ask either. Whatever it was isn't nearly as important to me as the fact that it did happen. <br />
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I have my loving, devoted Musicman back. Our communication is better than ever and we are both actively working on making our relationship better everyday. This is definitely not where I saw myself a month ago, but I'm so glad I took the risk and gave him a chance. I'm once again a happy faerie.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-41378163085132731502018-08-08T09:48:00.000-04:002018-08-08T09:48:14.711-04:00The Next Chapter I'm currently enjoying the warmth and sunshine south of the Mason-Dixon line. I've been back here with my brother and T for a little over a week now. <br />
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I'm following doctor's orders, resting and allowing my shoulder to heal. I have to head back up north at the end of the month for my next check up. I don't want to go.<br />
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Musicman and I finally had a much needed discussion before I left. Getting Musicman to talk about our relationship is nearly impossible. It was never easy, but has become much worse over the past year or two. That fact in itself has been a big issue for me, but I was determined and pushed until he talked.<br />
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I wasn't really surprised with what he had to say, his actions have been saying it for quite sometime, but it still stung a bit to hear. He told me, " I used to want you. I want to want you, but you make it too hard."<br />
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I'm not the type of person to stay somewhere I'm not wanted. I now find myself trying to wrap my head around the fact that after more than 3 decades I'm going to be single again.<br />
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I'm not afraid, a little sad, but oddly, a little relieved. I've experienced and survived so many life changes, so I know I will survive this one too. I'm trying to find the positives in this situation, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm trying to picture in my head what my life might look like as I move forward, but I'm not there yet either. <br />
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One thing I know for sure, I won't have to face this next chapter of my life alone. I have the full support of my brother and T. While I'm grateful beyond words for that, I've realized I've never actually had that in my life before. It's a totally foreign concept to me. No one, not even Musicman ever really loved, cared and supported me for me. <br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-33582700290854249852018-07-16T14:28:00.000-04:002018-07-16T14:28:51.450-04:00Post-op PostIt's been a little over a week since my surgery. It took 3 hours instead of 1 hour as they expected. They found significantly more damage than was expected. That resulted in 2 incisions around my shoulder instead of 1.<br />
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I'm in a sling again and am not supposed to move the shoulder at all. That makes simple things like bathing, dressing or using the bathroom quite the challenge, but I'm doing pretty good with it all.<br />
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As I expected, Musicman is not a good caregiver. I was really hoping he would step up and put my needs first, but that hasn't happened . In fact he acts quite put out if I ask him for help, so I don't ask unless it's absolutely necessary.<br />
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Our son is still here, I haven't spoken a single word to him, nor has he spoken to me. Musicman would like me to make amends with my son, but I did nothing wrong and have nothing to say to him. Especially since something as simple as him not liking my tone of voice can set him off.<br />
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I have my post-op appointment on Thursday. Once I have that and find out what comes next with my shoulder, will dictate what I do next. <br />
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Honestly, I just keep thinking, I want to go home. To me that is no longer here, it's down south with my brother and T. I've actually felt that way since I got back. I'm not happy here, I am when I'm down there. <br />
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Musicman has no idea, that I'm aware of, that I'm planning on leaving. Though really he shouldn't be surprised, I told him I would not stay if our son was here. Musicman has done nothing to make him leave.<br />
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The positive is I'm healing well. And while leaving here and Musicman isn't a positive thing and definitely isn't going to be easy, the thought of doing it, getting through it, makes me happy. I just don't feel like I belong here anymore.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-13105817760713760952018-06-28T15:08:00.000-04:002018-06-28T15:08:43.076-04:00Return to RealityI'm back home. I ended up staying an extra week. My sister-in-law is dealing with a very difficult issue with her mom. She has dementia and T was forced to place her in a long term care facility a year and a half ago.<br />
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The care is horrific and her mom has been declining fast due to the rampant neglect. When I visited last time, about 6 months ago, I was so appalled at her condition I called Adult Protective Services. They did investigate and still have an open case. Unfortunately those things take time and things have only gotten worse .<br />
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Due to a threat made by the facility, we now have the local and state ombudsman, the state licensure board and legal aid involved. The threat was received Friday evening before I was scheduled to leave on Saturday. T was in a full blown melt down, I couldn't leave her like that. Also, I've spent almost 40 years in healthcare , primarily caring for the elderly. I had to stay and help her fight for her mom. It's going to take awhile for everything to work out, but all the right people have been contacted and the issues are being addressed.<br />
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I've spent this week getting settled back in here at home and getting ready for my surgery. Next Friday is the big day. I'm nervous, but so ready for my shoulder to be fixed.<br />
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I was so hoping that time away would help with some clarity between Musicman and myself. It has, but not in the way I was hoping for.<br />
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I may have mentioned before that my son has rage issues, primarily directed at women. He also has a habit of carrying large hunting style knives and a very large scary handgun on him at all times. Late last summer he came after me in a rage. Musicman did not step in to stop it or to protect me. I told my son he had to leave, he did. I made it clear to Musicman that I would no longer live in fear or as a prisoner in my own home.<br />
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Two days before I left my son showed up beating on the door saying he'd been kicked out of his apartment. I did not let him in. I had found out earlier that day that he had been staying with a female cousin of his who is close in age to him and he was close to. That was after he'd been kicked out of 2 different friends places. His cousin contacted me later and told me what happened. He terrorized her, raging at her just like he does to me. It was so bad she called the police to get him out.<br />
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My son needs help, but he's almost 23 years old. In the state I live in you can't force anyone over the age of 14 to get help unless they harm themselves or someone else. I specifically told Musicman that I knew our son would show up again and if he let him in I was done. Is anyone surprised that the day I left he showed up and Musicman let him in?<br />
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The whole 6 weeks I was gone Musicman promised me he would be gone when I got home. Anyone surprised I'm home and my son is still here? I'm not, I love my son very much, but he needs to grow up and Musicman continues to enable his bad behavior, at the cost of my safety and peace of mind.<br />
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I've made no hard decisions yet, I'm solely focused on my health and my upcoming surgery. I have a plan in place to keep myself safe through my surgery and recovery. I've had long talks with T and my brother and have a plan in place to get out once I'm cleared from my surgeon's care if it's needed. Of course I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but unfortunately, right now, it looks like that's exactly what is going to happen.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-74904091407490600252018-05-04T19:09:00.000-04:002018-05-04T19:09:12.567-04:00Busy busy bee So things here have been busy busy with boring vanilla stuff.<br />
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Paperwork out my ass for my inpending surgery. Might not be so bad if my hands and arms didn't go numb 3 minutes after I start. Which wouldn't be the case if I would consent to neck surgery . Or they could look it up in the computer, but why make things easier for the patient?<br />
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Neck surgery? Not happening anytime soon.<br />
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Irritated beyond belief at the ineptness of the insurance companies and the need for the continued fight for the benefits I paid for. I don't suffer fool's and idiots easily, and that seems to be what I'm dealing with at every turn.<br />
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There was no answer to my email to Musicman. I waited a week. Nothing. Not even an acknowledgement that he got it or read it.<br />
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I told myself I wasn't gonna confront him. I wasn't gonna ask about it. Yeah right. I did.<br />
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He didn't have much to say about it. He seems quite happy I'm leaving for a month.<br />
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I'll be busy with pre-op testing and other medical stuff when I get home. Once I do get home it'll only be 3 weeks till my shoulder surgery. There's a chance, depending on how the healing goes I'll have to go through a second procedure.<br />
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So not looking forward to that, or Musicman as my nurse. Seriously contemplating leaving for good once I'm healed from the surgery.<br />
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Yes, I know that breaks the vows I said, and that pains me greatly. But I seriously think if he can betray me, lie to me and put me last on his list of concerns, then maybe if I have a chance to be happy, I should take it.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-12801951518958970082018-04-24T14:01:00.000-04:002018-04-24T14:01:14.992-04:00I'd like off this Rollercoaster please Life is full of ups and downs, much like a roller coaster . We've certainly had our share of roller coaster moments over the last few years. I don't like roller coasters and would like to get off now please.<br />
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I have anxiety issues, bad enough that I take medication for it. I also tend to be a huge over thinker. I'm working very hard to stop that, cause when I do, I find myself spiraling into a bad place very quickly. I don't like myself when I'm like that, so I can't imagine anyone else even wanting to be around me.<br />
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Despite trying very hard not to I was spiraling pretty bad on Sunday. Musicman recognized this and thought a spanking and some playtime might help. I was skeptical, but he went ahead and got the crop out.<br />
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A spanking and playtime did occur. It helped some, but it also felt kind of akward. I've never felt that way before from a spanking and/or playtime. So of course I had to think and rethink, and rethink, ad nauseum, as to why I felt that way. It clearly was not the outcome Musicman intended and I fear I may have hurt his feelings or shaken his confidence. Not what I intended at all.<br />
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I did eventually figure out what happened that made me feel that way. Knowing that Musicman is not the best communicator, especially when it comes to these kinds of things, I did what I thought was the next best thing. I emailed him an explanation. I know he read it, but there's been no response yet.<br />
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Obviously I'm hoping he does respond, but we do have a lot going on. I'm getting ready to go see my brother and T. I'm planning on being gone about a month. Musicman doesn't like it when I'm gone that long, but this may be the only time I get to see them this year and I want to make the most of it.<br />
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Three weeks after I get home I'll be having surgery to fix my shoulder. It's been almost a year since my injury. All noninvasive treatments have been tried and unfortunately there has been no significant healing, so surgery is the only choice left. And poof, there goes the summer that hasn't even started yet.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-21324863076807800142018-04-20T11:17:00.001-04:002018-04-20T11:17:19.929-04:00Up in Flames Have you ever had such a bad day, week, month, at work, that you fantasized about the place burning down so you wouldn't have to go back? No? Just me?<br />
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Well let me tell you, if you have had that fantasy, it's one that should stay a fantasy.<br />
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In January of 2017 both Musicman and I were up before the butt crack of dawn getting ready for work as usual. We had the TV on to catch the local news, mostly for the weather. <br />
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Musicman was within minutes of leaving when a story came on that caught our attention. It was a live report from his place of work, going up in flames. Through the heroic efforts of the firemen, there were 20 different fire companies there, and a lot of luck, they were able to save part of the building. The building is filled with multiple flammable things so the fact that it didn't blow up is truly a miracle.<br />
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Musicman went on out to see exactly what was going on. Of course no one could go into the building at that time. Two days later they were allowed back into the part of the building that hadn't burned. His job requires him to have his own tools. He got lucky, while some of his stuff got lost in the fire, most things were salvageable. Some of his coworkers lost everything.<br />
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The business owners opted to keep the business open while rebuilding, but everyone and everything had to be moved around as they lost a third of the building . It's been over a year and the rebuild is still not complete. <br />
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Of course this has caused many issues and a lot of stress for the employees, Musicman included. Then just 4 months later I suffered the injury that ended my career. More stress for Musicman. A stressed Musicman is pretty miserable to deal with.<br />
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Recently I had an idea. I can hear you all gasping, after the fiasco of my last idea, I don't blame you. Let me assure you the only thing being hurt from this idea would be my ass.<br />
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I decided that when he texts me on his lunch break and he's having a bad day I would do something to try and cheer him up. I send him naughty selfies. I'm not much of a selfie taker kinda person, so I don't think the quality is very good, but he seems to like them. The unexpected side effect of these selfies has been an increase in spankings and playtime. <br />
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So maybe that fantasy that became a reality wasn't so bad after all.<br />
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And a quick update on my last disasterous idea. I sent Musicman an email detailing how I had intended things would have gone. So now he knows and things are in his hands as to when it might occur.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-52413382136281694562018-04-11T14:56:00.000-04:002018-04-11T14:56:04.407-04:00Well that didn't go as planned One of the things I quickly learned when we started TTWD was that given enough time and effort hard limits become soft limits and soft limits fall away. At least that seems to be how it works for me.<br />
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For a man of few words, during playtime Musicman turns into a chatty Cathy. If it's not a running commentary on what's happening at that moment, it's a narrative on some of his wants that currently fall into my limits category. <br />
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The man could seriously be an erotica writer if he wanted too. I admit the man and his sexy stories have made me cum without him ever touching me. He's either very calculating or it's just his way of getting his fantasies fulfilled. Either way it's working, my limits are changing.<br />
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Since things have been going well I had the crazy idea to offer something that I've never done. Something that previously had been a very hard limit for me. And, I stupidly did not inform him of my intentions. I thought it would be fun to surprise him.<br />
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He had just gotten into the shower. I decided to join him, not something I usually do cause at our age a broken hip or something equally as bad is totally possible. I really thought that since I've recently had to add safety equipment, like grab bars, to our shower it would be ok. <br />
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At first things went quite well. I was pampering him. Washing his hair, and taking my time to thoroughly wash, rinse and massage him. I was literally seconds from making my move and offering something he's been talking about for years. <br />
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Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. A misstep on his part and everything came crashing down as he fell. He wasn't hurt, though wasn't too happy with me either.<br />
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We did go on to have some lovely playtime with the flogger, but I still haven't told him what I was going to do. I was mortified with what happened and am way too embarrassed to say anything then or now. <br />
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It's still on my mind. I think that since I made the decision to do it I now want to follow through and do it for him. Just gotta figure out how to get over my mortification and embarrassment and tell him.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-67074320323119285412018-04-09T09:35:00.000-04:002018-04-09T09:35:13.872-04:00Never thought I'd do that Over the years Musicman and I have enjoyed somewhat of an adventurous sex life. I'd say we covered most of the basics: lapdances, striptease, sex in risky or public places, sex while driving(I strongly suggest caution if trying this one). We've made our own movies, both together and some I've done solo for him. He has an album of sexy lingerie photos of me that I did as a gift for him. Even some light bondage.<br />
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That was all before I started looking more into BDSM and D/s and started blogging the first time. Of course after that it was like opening Pandora's box. Some things I like, some things he likes, some things we both like.<br />
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One of the things I wanted to try, but never had the opportunity to do was sexting. Silly right? I tried for years, to no avail, to talk him into getting a cell phone. He finally relented and got one the day before I left the first time to visit my brother and T.<br />
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We texted everyday while I was gone, both times, though no sexting occurred. I have finally done it and crossed that off my list. While fun and has always resulted in playtime later, I quickly realized two things. It's always me initiating and he's become addicted to his phone. Talk about something coming back to bite me in the ass, and not in the good way. Considering that Musicman had complained for years about me, "always having my nose stuck in a book", I find this kind of ironic.<br />
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I've not said anything to him about this for a few reasons. First, I'm not the type of person to beg anyone to pay attention to me. Either you want my company or you don't, I'll adjust accordingly. Second, there was absolutely no way in hell I was handing him the opportunity to throw my previous behavior in my face, especially since when he pointed it out I stopped doing it.<br />
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As I saw it that left me with few options, so I have never said anything to him about it. I don't like it, but most likely I never will say anything about it. I did however have a stroke of inspiration a couple weeks ago.<br />
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I'm sure most people are on Facebook, not everyone, but most. A few months back Musicman asked me to help setup a Facebook page for him. Color me surprised, I never suggested it, and really never thought he would be interested. Of course I did help him and thought no more about it. Until a couple weeks ago.<br />
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I happen to be a member of several closed BDSM groups on Fb. I like them all, obviously, or I wouldn't stay in them. There is one in particular that I especially like. It's entertaining, educational, very well run. The page owner and admins are very good at engaging the members and stimulating member participation.<br />
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This is not a group you can click the join button and become a member. You request to join and once you've been vetted you get an email saying if you're approved or not. If approved you then have to confirm via email that you want to be in the group.<br />
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I'm thinking by now you probably know what I did. Yep, Musicman was in the shower, just about the only time he doesn't have his phone. I hadn't planned on doing it, the thought just popped into my head and his phone was right there. So yeah, Musicman is now part of the group. When he questioned it, I played dumb, but my giggling and laughter definitely gave it away.<br />
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I'm happy to report that his constant phone use has decreased some(not as much as I'd like, but it's a start), and playtime and even impact play has increased.<br />
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Wish my next brilliant idea had worked as well, but that disaster is a story for another day.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-84867862566238314312018-04-03T14:30:00.000-04:002018-04-03T14:30:50.655-04:00Just thinking out loudMusicman continues to be engrossed in work and hanging on to material things. Material things that while necessary, and I suppose scary to think about losing, it doesn't scare me at all. <br />
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I don't feel these things he's working himself to exhaustion to save, serve us well, nor am I interested in keeping them. Honestly, I'd be thrilled to let them go and move on.<br />
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It saddens me that he is spending so much time and effort on this, to the exclusion of everything else, including me. I spend all day every day home alone, but I'm never as lonely as I am when he's home. I understand he needs and deserves time to decompress and relax when he's home, but if he's awake, he's online on his phone, always.<br />
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There was a time when I would have addressed this with him, but not anymore. I've talked till I'm blue in the face. He knows exactly how I feel about this situation, and still nothing has changed.<br />
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I keep myself busy by cleaning the mess and working on fixing the damage done to our home when the kids lived here. This house no longer feels like my home and I don't think it ever will again. As I've been cleaning I've also been packing away my personal things, at least the ones that weren't damaged. Musicman hasn't really noticed. That saddens me too.<br />
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I haven't completely given up, I'm just approaching things a little differently. I'm trying to focus more on taking care of myself, trying to rebuild my life. Not an easy thing to do when everything around you is falling apart, but I'm doing it anyway.<br />
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I did do something I never thought I'd do to get his attention and it sort of worked. But that's a story for another day as I'm still observing and evaluating the outcome.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-49052857952755693402018-03-30T13:29:00.000-04:002018-03-30T13:29:29.330-04:00Inspiration It's been a long exhausting week. I've come here many times to write, but can't seem to make the thoughts come together. I've had this post sitting in my draft folder for years, literally. It resonated with me then and even more now. Wish I could take credit for the content but I'm not that talented. I hope you enjoy it and hopefully the brain fog will lift soon.<br />
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<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_5476876a641e95a66615553">
The struggle is passing - as you allow it to move,<br />
As you release what could have been and what was.<br />
When you soften that resistance and pause for a moment,<br />
All<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">owing those tears to fall - allowing that anger to rise.</span><br />
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For these moments are intense - they are large waves crashing down,<br />
Admit you are struggling as you roll on the ground.<br />
Give up if you have to - wipe your hands of it all.<br />
Then something will shift - you hear a sweet call.<br />
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This call echoes deeply in this heart of yours,<br />
Your soul steps forward with its comfort and care.<br />
The deepest surrender, of letting go is here,<br />
Know you are ready and that you will not feel this way forever.<br />
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The reason for this feeling is not something you may understand,<br />
Find some peace with this - and trust everything is how it needs to be.<br />
You cleanse, you purify, you surrender it now,<br />
Dropping all baggage, allow it to fall.<br />
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You lay there now - still on the ground,<br />
Your eyes hurt from crying - you are numb from it all.<br />
Suddenly you hear the call of your soul,<br />
You open your eyes and your heart cracks open with light.<br />
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Breathing deeply you surrender the rest of this now,<br />
You understand that there is purpose to this past situation.<br />
Standing up now - you rise in your power,<br />
Feeling more alert, aware and stand as tall as a tower.<br />
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Take one step at a time - dear gentle soul,<br />
Please know you aren't doing this alone at all.<br />
Many are awakening - many are surrendering,<br />
Walk when you're ready - dance when you're stable.<br />
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There is no rush - as time pauses for you,<br />
Breathe deeply and feel each moment unfold.<br />
For you are called into gentle action - based on your truth,<br />
A simple BEing, in this moment, from your heart.<br />
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Sending you much HONOUR from my heart to yours,<br />
I know you will move through this time,<br />
Move at your pace, allow love inside,<br />
A deep LOVE and RESPECT for you on your ride.<br />
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What has happened to you has a reason you may be yet to understand - and this is ok.<br />
Deep LOVE from my HEART as I journey with you all,<br />
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~ Lee-Anne Peters ~<br />
<a class="profileLink" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=138336527416" href="https://www.facebook.com/tobhealers">Temple of Balance</a><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-28298301272632645762018-03-21T15:00:00.000-04:002018-03-21T15:00:25.733-04:00Salvaging and Rebuilding I'm quickly getting to the 11 month mark of my injury and 6 months since the diagnosis of the degenerative condition in my spine. Most of that time has been spent negotiating the labyrinth that is our healthcare and insurance system.<br />
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My shoulder isn't even close to being healed, the Dr said, " it's going to take a long, long, long time to heal." The possibility of surgery at some point is still on the table. The fact that I will most likely never regain full functional use of it is a sad reality, but one I'm beginning to accept. As for my spinal condition, at some point surgeries, yes, multiple, will be needed. I'm not even considering doing that yet. I manage the pain, though I never have a pain free day.<br />
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I won't go into the boring details of how all the benefits worked out. Let's just say some were good, some were not so good, and some have yet to be decided. There's nothing left for me to do now but wait.<br />
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This leaves us in somewhat of a precarious position and unfortunately causes Musicman a lot of stress. That makes me feel sad and sometimes guilty. Though I know I have no reason to feel guilty. I'm working on letting that go.<br />
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It leaves me in a position of having to salvage what I can and rebuild what I can't. So that's what I'm attempting to do. It's slow going. I have a bad habit of over doing things on my good days, that often triggers the bad days. But I am beginning to see where I want us to go as a couple and what I can do to get us there. I've accepted the fact that it's going to be a long, slow road, but, I'm claiming that as a win.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-73543993736200247982018-03-16T21:26:00.000-04:002018-03-16T21:26:40.570-04:00A's to Q's terpsichore edition The lovely Terpsichore asked, if you could look to the future, what would you hope to see happening in your life five years in the future?<br />
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Great question. Very timely question for me at this point in my life. As I've thought on this question, I realized that to truly answer it, a little back story is needed.<br />
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Almost 2 decades ago Musicman and I bought our first home. Our kids were young. The house we picked, and ultimately bought, was a house ideal for raising a family in, for making a home. So that's what we did.<br />
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It had a huge, old pool. We were young, we could rehab it, make a wonderfully private sanctuary. Despite the fact that we live in a city, our pool was situated in a way that made it totally private . We did that.<br />
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The first thing Musicman did was put locks on the gate, on both sides. We bought a swing that laid down flat. Yep, I had a swinging bed next to my pool.<br />
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We spent many nights out by, and in that pool, on that swing, and plenty of afternoons. So many wonderful memories, both family time, and adult. 😆<br />
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We spent so much time sitting on that swing, talking about our future. This house, was never meant to be our forever home. It was where we were gonna raise our kids, then move on. That was the plan. That was always the plan, in detail, sitting on that swing.<br />
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Let's just say, life didn't go as planned.<br />
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We wore out 2 swings. A pool wall caved in last year. It hadn't been being used anyway, despite the houseful of people living here at the time. I haven't gone back to the pool area in a few years. I know it's dilapidated and overgrown.<br />
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So, I guess the actual answer to Terpsichore's question is.<br />
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I don't know .<br />
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I had a plan, but life didn't go as planned.<br />
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<br />Faeriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10069802122736604675noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3260314684463137349.post-34911994010924379102018-03-14T11:14:00.000-04:002018-03-14T11:14:42.880-04:00A's to Q's part 2Let's answer some more questions.<br />
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Olivia asked, when did I first realize I was into spanking or kink? How did I discover it?<br />
I started reading very young and first encountered kink in books, I was hooked. My first real experience with kink was with high school sweetheart. His parents were quite sex positive and very kinky. He was mostly into bondage and sex in risky places, though spanking did occasionally occur.<br />
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PK asked, what is a wish I have for myself that could really come true? Something for myself not my family. <br />
Thinking about this really made me realize that it's been a long time since I did something just for myself, something I'm working on changing. In that vein, I have a couple things to answer this question. I really want to get a dog. I'm actively working on that. I'm also actively planning my next solo vacation to visit my brother and T. It's balm to my soul to spend time with them. Long range, T and I are planning a girls only get away to somewhere tropical.<br />
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Fondles asked, if I could visit any decade in history, which would it be?<br />
This is a question I've thought about off and on for most of my life. I'm not a history buff so nothing deep here. I have always wanted to visit the 1960's. I was born in the fall of 64, so technically I did live in the 60's, but I've always wished I was older. I'm slightly obsessed with Woodstock and wouldn't have missed it for anything. Though no brown acid for me. I would also have spent some time in Haight-Ashbury. Being a flower child in the time of peace and free love is something I wish I had the chance to experience.<br />
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Lindy asked, if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? What's one thing you always pack whilst traveling?<br />
Honestly, if I could live anywhere, it would be somewhere tropical. I'm a hot house flower stuck in one of the snowiest cities in the country. If I never saw snow again in my life I'd be a very happy girl. Technically there are 3 things I always have with me when I travel. My body pillow, my ladybug pillow and my Tinkerbelle pillow. Can ya tell I have a thing for pillows?<br />
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Terpsichore asked, if you could look to the future, what would you hope to see happening in your life five years in the future? I will be answering this question in a separate post. I actually have much to say about this, just need the thoughts to coalesce into something understandable.<br />
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