I've been doing some research into something. Something that I have been wrestling with managing well, with limited success. I've gained some insight, but have yet to find a good way to deal with the situation.
I think I started the research hoping to find that I was wrong about myself. Turns out the only thing I was wrong about was in thinking I might be wrong. What I found not only did not prove me wrong, it strengthened what I know about myself.
I looked exhaustively at personality traits associated with this phenomenon, hoping not to see myself. Thats not what I found though. I found a perfect picture of myself. No more trying to pretend this is not the issue. The reality is I already knew it, I just didn't want it to be true because I don't know how to deal with it in this case.
These are some of what I found, the ones that most definitely apply to me:
Quiet achievers but expressive in area's of emotional connection. They find that talking about emotional issues is a great outlet that aids in understanding themselves and others. Often appear moody.
Know stuff without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing.
Being in public places can be overwhelming, places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around. I'm prone to panic attacks in crowds.
Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own. You know when someone is not being honest. If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.
Picking up physical
Digestive disorders and lower back problems. I have both.
Always looking out for the underdog. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers.
Constant fatigue, addictive personality, creative, need for solitude, gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated.
Always looking for the answers and knowledge, likes adventure, freedom and travel, free spirit. Loves to daydream can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.
Excellent listener, won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.
Have you figured out what I'm describing yet? Are these common traits of a submissive?
No, these personality traits are not about being submissive, though some of them may apply. These personality traits, my personality traits, are attributed to Empaths. I am an Empath. I've known it for a long time. I manage it pretty well, except in certain situations.
The certain situation is related to Musicman. He is my strongest bond. It's not a bond I want to, or can block. When he is having a difficult day with his health it totally physically overwhelms me. His exhaustion and pain wash over me like a wave. It is devastating for me and can reduce me to tears in a matter of moments. I've tried to step back some, to reduce the stress for him and in doing so protect myself. I don't like it much, but I don't see another choice. It's been somewhat successful, but the only thing that is going to work 100% is for him to be well again. Until then, I'm in a holding pattern.
My biggest hope at this moment is for him to feel strong this weekend. If he is strong, I will be okay.