What Do I Do Now?

A decision needed to be made, we discussed things and he asked for more time to think about it. I gave him as much time as was available. There was a deadline that needed to be addressed. He had not made a decision so as the deadline neared I brought it up again. He made a decision. Before I took action and responded to the deadline I waited then brought it up one more time. Was he sure, was this really the way he wanted me to respond to the deadline? He said yes again. Simple enough.

I responded to the deadline the way he said he wanted me to, 8 hours later he started questioning me again about the the decision, going over things we had been over several times. I got annoyed and he ignored me. I've expressed VERY clearly to him that that is the worst way he could handle the situation. We dropped the topic for the time being.

As time got closer to the activity with now no definite decision in place I brought it up one more time. I told him exactly how I felt. I'm very capable of seeing both sides to a situation and I explained that I understood his hesitation. I explained that if he felt the decision needed to be a certain way that yes, I would be disappointed, but I would understand. He made no decision.

After taking everything into consideration, all the concerns brought up in the many conversations, I finally made a decision. I made the decision with the outcome in his favor. No wonder he says I make thing too easy for him. I do.

This decision is going to cause repercussions with good friends of ours. Normally I would cover for him, think of some way to state the truth without making him look bad.  I do this for him because I understand very well why he is the way he is. This activity would require him to step outside his comfort zone, something that is hard for anyone. I didn't expect him to do this for me, I know better then that. I thought he would do it for our friends, I was wrong.

I'm very disappointed in him right now, and I don't think at this point that when the repercussions come that I can cover for him. I say that now, but the fact of the matter is when it happens I don't know what I will do. I'm not capable of being disloyal to him, even when he behaves in a way that lets me down.

In addition to this incident he has made some comments recently. Comments not designed to hurt me, but they have. Comments that let me know he really isn't so interested in making any changes in our relationship. Comments that make me feel like I'm just another thing on his to-do list that needs crossed off.

I'm seriously rethinking where I go from here. Do I keep trying or do I give up? Normally I never give up, and since it is my happiness at stake here it really should be a no brainer to keep trying.

For right now, I'm tired of trying. I've also realized I'm not at all good at going after things that make me happy if they cause issues in anyway for the people I love.

I love him, but I'm tired and I don't know what to do. I guess the ball is in his court now, past experience tells me he will ignore it.