Saturday, March 31, 2012

Holding Pattern


I've been doing some research into something. Something that I have been wrestling with managing well, with limited success. I've gained some insight, but have yet to find a good way to deal with the situation.

I think I started the research hoping to find that I was wrong about myself. Turns out the only thing I was wrong about was in thinking I might be wrong. What I found not only did not prove me wrong, it strengthened what I know about myself.

I looked exhaustively at personality traits associated with this phenomenon, hoping not to see myself. Thats not what I found though. I found a perfect picture of myself. No more trying to pretend this is not the issue. The reality is I already knew it, I just didn't want it to be true because I don't know how to deal with it in this case.

These are some of what I found, the ones that most definitely apply to me:

Quiet achievers but expressive in area's of emotional connection. They find that talking about emotional issues is a great outlet that aids in understanding themselves and others. Often appear moody.

Know stuff  without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing.

Being in public places can be overwhelming, places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums, where there are lots of people around. I'm prone to panic attacks in crowds.

Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own. You know when someone is not being honest. If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know.

Picking up physical symptoms off another, especially those who they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains.

Digestive disorders and lower back problems. I have both.

Always looking out for the underdog.  Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers.

Constant fatigue, addictive personality, creative, need for solitude, gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated.

Always looking for the answers and knowledge, likes adventure, freedom and travel, free spirit. Loves to daydream can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy.

Excellent listener, won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care.

Have you figured out what I'm describing yet? Are these common traits of a submissive?

No, these personality traits are not about being submissive, though some of them may apply. These personality traits, my personality traits, are attributed to Empaths. I am an Empath. I've known it for a long time. I manage it pretty well, except in certain situations.

The certain situation is related to Musicman. He is my strongest bond.  It's not a bond I want to, or can block. When he is having a difficult day with his health it totally physically overwhelms me. His exhaustion and pain wash over me like a wave. It is devastating for me and can reduce me to tears in a matter of moments.  I've tried to step back some, to reduce the stress for him and in doing so protect myself.  I don't like it much, but I don't see another choice.  It's been somewhat successful, but the only thing that is going to work 100% is for him to be well again. Until then, I'm in a holding pattern.

My biggest hope at this moment is for him to feel strong this weekend. If he is strong, I will be okay.

17 comments:

  1. I am sure you have already found this but just in case http://www.empathguide.com/ It may help.

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    1. I am very familiar with this site and I really appreciate you taking the time to leave me the link. Dealing with this can be very confusing and difficult, I'll take all the help I can get :)

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  2. I will have to go look this up faerie.

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    1. The link Sir J left above is a great site that I visit often, you may find it interesting.

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  3. I don't share all these traits. Some are good and other would be hard to live with. I know that pain other are feeling can sometimes overwhelm me and I have to back away for my own survival. Then at time I feel it causes me to shy away from caring about others like I wish I would. I don't know you in the normal sense, but what I know I like very much. I admire all you do and have done and I think Musicman is a very lucky man.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Thanks PK, I've been living with this all my life, it's normal for me. For the most part it is not much of an issue, lately though, with the challenges we have been facing it has become an issue. Progress is SLOW, but it's still progress :)

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  4. I share some of those but not all. You come across as a very strong paerson, I am pretty sure you want it that way. I do admire what I know of you...good luck. Here's hoping for a great weekend. abby

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    1. Thanks abby, I am a strong person but every Goliath has their David. Currently, this is mine.

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  5. Interesting, I'll have to look this up as well. While it's very hard on you, I imagine it's amazing to also feel that type of bond to the one you love. I'm hoping he's strong and well this weekend. *hugs*

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    1. Riley, as I told Susie, the link Sir J left above is a very informative site. I'm still working some things out so there will probably be more thoughts on it soon.

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  6. Interesting. Of course i have a lot of those qualities too.

    i visited the website Sir J and you recommend. I don't fit completely with the profile, but an awful lot of it resonates with me.

    i guess i'm not sure ~ is there a benefit in sort of proclaiming that i am an empath rather than just saying i'm fairly empathic? That sounds silly, doesn't it? But it makes me uncomfortable to think about taking the step you took in this post. And it sounds like you were hesitant too. What's that about?

    Thanks for sharing this, faerie.

    hugs,

    aisha

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    1. The hesitation is not in accepting the fact that I am an empath, I did that a long time ago, it is in revealing it.

      I've never met another person who admits to being one in real life. Past experiences have taught me that it makes many people uncomfortable, they often try to hide it, but that just doesn't work with me. Go figure !!!!

      The extensive reading I have done indicates that most empaths have other abilities also. I do.

      Just imagine how someone might react when you tell them you get visits from dead people and messages in dreams. Yes, I see dead people, lol. Well, I rarely see them, it's more an awareness of their energy and a cognitive understanding of what they want to tell me.

      As for the benefits, well, keep reading and then you can tell me. I'd love to hear your opinion on it.

      This is a large part of who I am and have just started to realize how deeply related to D/s it is for me. Any clarifications, opinions, suggestions or helpful advice is always appreciated :)

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  7. P.S. Hope things go super well with you and Musicman!!

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  8. This is all very new and interesting to me...

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    1. Jillian the Link Sir J left above is very informative :)

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  9. I have been highly sensitve my whole life and share mostmany of these traits...I am unfamiliar with the term empath and will need to look it up as it may be insightful for me....thanks for sharing...

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