Sunday, April 1, 2012

Emotional Collisions

Musicman is an emotionally reserved man. He has a "don't fuck with me" attitude that he wears like a dark cloak.  He is always on guard, scanning his surroundings, a predator protecting his territory. The natural resting position of his hands is a fist. You would have more success getting blood from an armadillo then you would getting him to show emotion.

I have seen him dominate an entire room just by entering it. Babies cry, small children hide and everyone else steers clear of him. Some people mistake his countenance for a lack of emotion. Some are stupid enough to attempt to evoke a reaction from him. Big mistake, it's much like watching someone pick up a stick and poke a bear. Both scenarios end the same predictable way, they pull back a bloody stump.

There are a few exceptions to his reserve, three to be exact. The first is blood relatives, the man will walk through fire for a family member. The second is his close circle of friends, men who he has known since his childhood and for all intents and purposes are family to him. The third is a very small category, a category of one, me.

It took me awhile when we first met to understand the way other people perceived him. It often surprised me the way people reacted, the comments they would make. My friends and family have said many times that he scares them. They would tell me they didn't understand how I could be with him.  Some family members even worried that he was abusive towards me. Once I stopped laughing I quickly corrected that notion. He's simply not capable of hurting a woman, any woman, especially me.

The truth of the matter is he has very intense emotions. He also has incredible control of those emotions and is very selective about who he chooses to display them to.  He never really stood a chance of concealing his emotions from me.  From the very first time we were together I could feel the connection to him, to his energy. It was much like a circuit breaker being turned on, the circle completed. It is a self substantiating circle that just increases in strength the longer we are together.

I think the fact that I can physically feel his emotions and energy has a lot to do with the fact that I am multi orgasmic. Not only does my body react physically to whatever stimulus he is providing but it also registers his pleasure in a physical way that heightens everything exponentially for me. It pushes mediocrity right out of the picture. If he isn't fully engaged and enjoying the encounter I will feel it in a physical way.

It feels like a fist to the gut, then it snaps and shoots energy throughout my body. It registers in my mind as a complete void of emotion, a black hole that sucks me in. It can be very confusing because my body will continue to register the physical pleasure he is giving me, the orgasms continue to flow. At the same time my reaction to what I feel coming from him is devastating me emotionally and I cry. I can always clearly differentiate which feelings are mine and which are his, but I can't control it.

Incidences like this are very rare, occurring only during times of extreme exhaustion and stress. We have been dealing with some serious health issues that have caused extreme stress for the last 3 1/2 months. His return to work 1 1/2 months ago have caused severe exhaustion for him most of the time. Recently we have experienced 2 incidents like I described above.

Sometimes being an empath is awesome, energizing and invigorating. Sometimes it's devastating, destructive and draining. It's always a part of who I am.






16 comments:

  1. I still need to go read about being an empath but the fact that you two are hitting these highly charged moments seems to make perfect sense. The stress, the changes and all of it happening within everything you've been learning about yourself. It can't be without consequences...some great and some real hard.

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    1. Perfect sense but not much fun sometimes :( Time, love and patience, it will get better, right?

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  2. When it's right, it's right. Right? :)

    I was an insomniac all through college. The first night SM and I slept (in the literal sense) together, I slept 8 hours uninterrupted. You just know when you have found the YING to your YANG.

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

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    1. Right!!!! And when it's broken it's miserable. It can't stay broken forever so I'm trying to take it as a lesson in patience :)

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  3. I like your new background! I like what Susie said.

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  4. Oh Faerie - I know it will all come together again soon. Two hearts beating as one. Hugs to you both.

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    1. We're both trying hard to be patient and get this figured out, but frustration is plentiful now :(

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  5. I bet it makes you feel special that you can totally understand him and that he shows his best self to you. I think it's really important. I always say, I don't think people know Cael the way I do. And I don't think they know me the way he does. It's nice, to have that intimacy, that "charge" like Susie said. And it looks like you're very "in-touch" with yourself and what it means to be an Empath. Do you think ttwd helped you find that and understand it, or did you always know it?

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    1. I've known for a long time about my empathic abilities, I'm just starting to see the connection to D/s.

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  6. Just catching up on my reading and although this is late I just wanted to dens hugs. It seems like MM and and my Sir are very much alike, which for us means the highs are high and the lows are lows. Keep the faith, things will get better.

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    1. Hi DB, yeah from what you've written on your blog they do sound a lot a like. And, you're right the highs are very high and the lows are very low. We just don't often have lows so it's been a big struggle for both of us. We will get through it, we will get thought it, lol. My new mantra!!!!

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  7. You've had a lot of stress in your lives recently, so of course it's affecting both of you and your relationship. This too shall pass Faerie, it's tough when you're still in the thick of it though. (((hugs)))

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    1. Is it gonna pass soon? Please? We'll get there I know we will, in the mean time I just need a little patience. And maybe a spanking or two, lol.

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  8. I was thinking of describing my man today, and the first part of your post sounds very similar to the path I was taking. It is not exactly the same. They are not the same, but the similarities are enlightening...
    Great post - I am not sure why I did not have you in my blog list already, but you are definitely going in now.

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    1. Welcome and thanks :) I'll have to pop over and have a read. I love to see the differences and the similarities, always find it interesting.

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