Monday, July 16, 2018

Post-op Post

It's  been a little over a week since my surgery. It took 3 hours instead of 1 hour as they expected.  They found significantly more damage than was expected.  That resulted in 2 incisions around my shoulder instead of 1.

I'm in a sling again and am not supposed to move the shoulder at all.  That makes simple things like bathing, dressing or using the bathroom quite the challenge, but I'm doing pretty good with it all.

As I expected, Musicman is not a good caregiver.  I was really hoping he would step up and put my needs first, but that hasn't happened .   In fact he acts quite put out if I ask him for help, so I don't  ask unless it's absolutely necessary.

Our son is still here, I  haven't spoken  a single word to him, nor has he spoken to me.  Musicman would like me to make amends with my son, but I did nothing wrong and have nothing to say to him. Especially since something as simple as him not liking my tone of voice can set him off.

I have my post-op appointment on Thursday.  Once I have that and find out what comes next with my shoulder, will dictate what I do next. 

Honestly, I  just keep thinking,  I want to go home. To me that is no longer here, it's down south with my brother and T.  I've actually felt that way since I got back.  I'm not happy here, I am when I'm down there. 

Musicman has no idea, that I'm aware of, that I'm planning on leaving. Though really he shouldn't be surprised, I told him I would not stay if our son was here.  Musicman has done nothing to make him leave.

The positive is I'm healing well. And while leaving here and Musicman isn't a positive thing and definitely isn't going to be easy, the thought of doing it,  getting through it, makes me happy.  I just don't feel like I belong here anymore.