As I have been reading around blogland I have seen several posts regarding March being question and answer month. I have not been blogging all that long so I didn't know this.
I have written about some pretty serious subjects and some not so serious, the experience of writing no matter the subject has been an over all positive experience for me. So having said that I am inviting anyone with questions to feel free and ask. I'll do my best to answer them, even the hard ones.
I have added my email address in the About Me section for anyone that may be interested in contacting me in that manner.
My last post was one of those "serious subjects" I referred to above. I would like to thank everyone for the wonderfully supportive comments. I do feel like there were some questions I did not address however, so I am going to now.
Two people asked if I have gone to AA. I have not. I know that AA is an organization that has helped a great many people. I respect that and understand that as individuals we all have to do what works best for us. I considered trying it, but at this time I don't feel it would be good fit for me. I know this disease is something that will always be with me, something I will have to be very vigilant about, if a time comes that I feel I could benefit from AA I would try it.
I knew when I quit drinking that if I was going to maintain my sobriety I needed to identify and address the issues that caused the problem. I am actively doing just that and it hasn't been easy, but most often the things worth doing aren't necessarily easy.
Much of my shame stems from the fact that my father, who was also my abuser was an alcoholic. In fact he and my mother blamed the abuse on his alcohol use. It makes me sick to think that what I was doing in any way made me like him. I'm working on that.
As far as feeling like a failure, well, I definitely failed, I accept that but I won't let it define me. I'm a big believer in learning from my mistakes. I have looked hard at what I did and what I can learn from it. I have made significant changes in my life because of those lessons, and I will continue to work on it.
Musicman and I have always had a very strong connection. The kind of connection that goes deeper then love, deeper then great sex, deeper then devotion or friendship. He never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. What I did compromised that connection, that is ultimately why I made the changes to make myself better. That connection is the most important thing in my life and I am not willing to lose it.
Everyone has a story, this is just a part of mine.