Sunday, December 4, 2011

Need and Frustration

He has asked me to be patient. I'm trying but patience is a virtue I wasn't blessed with.

I don't want to need this anymore.

I'm tired of hearing myself talk.

I'm exhausted from trying to explain things I don't fully understand.

Expectations were high, reality did not meet the expectation.

Frustration and hurt reign supreme.

If I ignore this need will it go away?

Why can't he just read my mind?

I give up.


  1. I wasn't blessed with patience either.

    Expectations versus reality can be really difficult huh. Because they are rarely the same thing.
    But it sounds like he's trying. And it can be pretty amazing what happens with that ever elusive trait called patience. And a little bit of trying.

    I doubt it will go away if you ignore it.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  2. (((hugs))) Sounds like you you need a hug! No, if you drop it the need won't go away, just more frustration, more aggravation. I'm so sorry you are struggling so much right now.

    I think we all struggle with this from time to time and the beginning is always the hardest... getting our guys brains on board takes a bit longer than we'd like.

    Does your husband read your blog? Does he read any blogs on this? That might be an avenue that might help... ((hugs))

  3. faerie,

    If you tell him what to do then it won't be him leading. I'm sure you already know that, but from what I understand reading other women's blogs, patience is a necessity. (((Hugs!))) I'm not at all patient, either.


  4. Oh faerie don't give it up just yet. All good things come to those who wait and all that? I never thought I'd EVER be in the situation I am in now and it took a lot, and I mean a lot, of talking. Had to repeat myself quite a bit early on. Why don't you think about writing an email? I know he's not too keen but he's unlikely to refuse to read it once it's there? It really helped Mitch to understand better as I was much more able to explain better by writing rather than speaking at first. And, it gives him something he can go back to should he need to.

    Dee x

  5. You know men, first they have to look at from every which side and then look at it some more. Just hang in there. If not, does he have a hammer in the garage?

  6. Don't give up!! ((hugs)) I'm feeling the same way today about "H".. I have quite a big struggle right now.
    I'm here for you if you need to talk ever.


  7. I know know if it goes away or not. It didn't go away for the first 49 years of my life when I tried to ignore and deny it. It hasn't gone away for the past 6 years that we have stumbled through trying to do it with him not understanding. So my guess is - no, it's not going away.

    After years of frustration (and joy) that I've blogged about since 2006, we seemed to have reached a situation we can live with. Not perfect but sooooo much better than what we had. The inability to read our minds (only when we want them to, of course) is the greatest shortcoming in the men we love. Hang in there, it gets better.


  8. Thank you all for the support and suggestions, you have given me alot to think about. But not right now, now I am actively ignoring the situation. It probably won't work, but right now I need to pretend I'm in a place of not knowing. I'm good at pretending, it may actually work for a day or two.

  9. dont give up. The need wont go away, it will just lead to frustration and resentment. This takes time, for you both to get on the same page, takes patience, time and good old fashioned talk. I know I really do. Try not to have expectations as this will just lead to disapointment. I find its best to try and figure out what you need first before you go and talk.
    Point him in the direction of some blogs to read, copy and paste some posts and email them to him - i have done this.
    We have been doing this for about 5 months now (gosh how quickly time flys) and its only just been the last few weeks taht I feel we are on the same page. It just take a little time - dont forget if you had this need and brought the subject to him - you have known about it in your heart for such a long time - he has only had a small amount of time to process this....
    give him some time :)
    its workth it, honestly.
    Dont give up, please.
    let us know how you get on.
    I so hear and feel your frustration, but keep at it, keep talking, it really is worth it.
    love and hugs kiwi xxxxx

  10. (((hugs))) Oh how I know that feeling. In fact, I had a bit of a meltdown myself last night. I told Michael that I didn't want to do this anymore. We talked, he took care of business (which was long overdue) and today was a much better day. I hope you guys can get back on track. Give it some time and talk to him. If you can't bring yourself to talk to him in person, write him an email, text him, whatever. Bottling up those feelings won't help the situation, just ask me, I know, I've done it too. :(

  11. I'm a little behind Faerie...sorry! I hope you are feeling a bit better by now. I know patience is hard and you love your husband with all your heart. You'll get there and wherever 'there' ends up being will be exactly right. won't tell you to be patient.

  12. Have you heard anymore on the job front?'ve uncrossed my toes and eyes, but my fingers are still crossed and thoughts & prayers are sent

  13. Sunnygirl, I have to go through a 2 phase test process, I have started the 1st phase. It could take a month or more before I have an answer. Thanks for asking.

  14. Hang on in there, hun, good times always follow bad! xxxxxx