Saturday, July 28, 2012

Is that one of those kinky collar things?

That's the question I was recently asked by someone in reference to my necklace.

I just smiled and said, "you never know, it just might be."

Obviously my necklace is in the collar style, but whether or not it is a collar is really up to me and the meaning I attach to it. I have thought a bit about what it means to me since I started wearing it. It really became clear what I thought about it when I removed it to start my new job.

To me a collar symbolizes ownership. Specifically his ownership of me. Do I really feel like he owns me? I wondered this for awhile and then I remembered something. I remembered a time back in the early days of our relationship. A time when his possessiveness of me was a huge issue. An issue that caused quite a few fights between us.

I remembered a specific argument we had where I was insisting to him that he couldn't own me. I used those exact words and many others, in a desperate attempt to explain to him in a way that he would understand that I could never allow that.

I also remember very clearly seeing the look on his face. That look told me in no uncertain terms that I could talk till I was blue in the face, but he wasn't going to change his mind. I was his and no one, not even me, was going to change that view.  I don't know why that argument was different from the many previous arguments.  Maybe it was the look on his face, but that is when I started to accept that he did in fact own me.

So then I wondered, what does that really mean? What does being owned look like to me? Does it mean I can never say no to anything, ever? No, and I don't think that is what he expects from me. I think for us what being his means is just that. I'm his, I don't deny him access to my body, ever, and I don't share it with anyone but him.

I've said before that Musicman is not much of a talker, rather he is a man of action. He may not say I am his very often, but he shows me everyday, through his actions.  The constant touching and groping every time I am near. It took me some time to get used to it, but not only did I get used to it, I soon learned to love it.

I became very comfortable with his constant intimate touches. I learned very quickly not to hide my body from him, he wouldn't allow that anyway. I learned very quickly that there was no good reason to deny him sex, he simply didn't accept no for an answer.

Over the years these things have had a very positive effect on me. It has made me very confident in how I look. I'm no supermodel, I definitely have my flaws, but he doesn't see them. He also doesn't allow me to say negative things about my body. Consequently, that confidence in myself has grown and spread to other areas of my life. It's made me a stronger woman then I might have been without his influence.

So, is that one of those kinky collar things? Yes, I think it is. It is a symbol of ownership, one that I am very proud of. I'm very proud to be his and I would scream it to the world if they were interested in listening.

When I took my collar off to start the new job I missed it immediately. I put it back on after only two days. So far I've gotten many compliments on it, but no questions about it's meaning. I suppose if asked my answer will depend on who is doing the asking.

                                                   

19 comments:

  1. Our ideas of ownership are similar. I am His, but I still am me...and all that goes with that.
    Yes, I have changed...but only for the better.
    Good post..
    hugs abby

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    1. Yes, I've definitely changed for the better because of being his. He sees the best in me and he helps me bring that out. It's really a wonderful gift :)

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  2. Faerie: I know your post was about ownership and your collar, but I wanted to comment on you saying that your self confidence has grown and spread to other areas of your life because he doesn't allow you to say negative things about your body. And that has made you a stronger woman than you might have been without his influence.

    I think it is wonderful that Musicman has had such a positive influence on your life. You were so lucky to find out.

    FD

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    1. I am a very lucky woman, every women should feel as treasured as I do :)

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    1. Heeheehee, get, get, get :)

      I'm actually kind of surprised you don't have one.

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  4. I love that you put it back on. Love what it means to you.

    :) E

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    1. I missed it so much more then I thought I would, I just had to put it back on.

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  5. You are absolutely right about the inportance of the meaning that you attach to it. Some time ago a promoted one of Lisas bracelets to a kind of collar. She was not to put it on or take it off, herself. But she just forgot. Did put it on and off without thinking about the meaning attached to it by me. Because I knew it would not mean anything special to her when she was away from me, I let it go too.

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    1. Might I suggest a new bracelet for Lisa? I wear 2 other necklaces from Musicman, and while they are very important to me they have a different importance. I just couldn't change that meaning in my mind.

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  6. I can't believe somebody asked you that! Was it someone that knows you well? If I saw a pretty choker-style necklace I just don't think my mind would automatically go there...except of course NOW it will, lol.

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    1. No, I barely know this person at all. In fact, I see her about once a week, she is a cashier where I shop for groceries. Not exactly the question I was expecting in the checkout line, lol.

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  7. I like it that you knew by his look that he knew he owned you, no matter what you said.

    Love,
    Kitty

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    1. I learned very early on to watch his eyes, they speak volumes.

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  8. I bet your kinky collar thing is really great :)

    I've often pondered what the term "own" means as well. For example, he owns his car. I really don't care what he does with his car, what color it is, where he parks it, etc. But if he owns me...I of course care what color I'm wearing, where he puts me, what he does to me...if I believed he truly owned me, I think I'd feel like my body was not mine to have, but I guess I'm not all there yet; maybe someday. Ah, now I'm on a tangent, sorry about that! Interesting question though, faerie :)

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    1. Maybe somethings just come with time. As I said, I knew he owned me, I knew he wasn't gonna change the way he thought about that. I knew I had no choice but to accept it. Doesn't necessarily mean acceptance was easy.

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  9. Our first Yule together Mrs. AP put a necklace around my neck. The pendant was specifically made for me. It's been 19 months since she put the necklace there, and it's not come off since. I told her the day she put it on that only she could ever take it off me. Others may not know it's my version of a collar -- even if/when we do play with others -- but we do, and I smile every time I touch it.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. That's pretty cool that you wear your version of a collar :) And, I do like the fact that it is our secret what it means. I have 2 other necklaces that are gifts from Musicman and I am constantly touching them, especially when I'm stressed. I find them comforting.

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