Sunday, July 29, 2012

Reasons


Do I need a reason for him to spank me? No, not really. I'm a spanko, I like being spanked. Isn't that reason enough? If it's not, then maybe I should mention subspace and how fast spanking takes me there. That is reason enough, surely.

That is the premise I have been operating on. That is also the flaw in my plan. Just because I don't need a reason doesn't mean he doesn't. I know, it took me long enough to figure that one out. He has given me plenty of clues. I should have picked up on it sooner.

I have actually suspected for awhile that he needed a reason. I just didn't know exactly what to do with that information. I also suspect that he has been a bit conflicted about it. He says he doesn't want to micromanage me. Thank God for that, it would be a disaster. But, how do we address the fact that he seems to need a reason and I don't?

There is also the issue of me not wanting punishment. There are a few reasons for that. One is I don't see spanking as a negative thing and I don't want that to change. More importantly though, is the fact that I don't respond well to punishment. Punishment, or the threat of it, does not deter me from anything.

In fact, I react quite the opposite. Tell me I can't or shouldn't do something and I will take it as a challenge. I will go out of my way to do that thing I was told not to do and I will do it very well. I will stand up and claim it and take great pride in it with no remorse. In short, punishment is not a deterrent for me so no sense trying to make spanking a punishment.

So, how do we meet both of our needs when they seem to be diametrically opposed to each other? Yeah, that is the knot I have been trying to unravel lately. It's presented a bit of a conundrum that I haven't had the time to ponder upon.

But, I do have some ideas brewing. For instance, he could certainly use spanking as motivation, or as a reward. I respond quite well to both positive motivation and rewards. Ask me to do something and tell me you will be pleased when I do it and I'm a happy little camper. Easy, I know, but that's me.

That then presents the question of, in what areas do I need motivation? What can I do that would merit a reward? Well, I have some thoughts on that too. Are you really surprised I would? However, those things will have to wait for another day.

My man is napping and it's almost time to waken him. He isn't the easiest person in the world to wake. There are two sure ways to wake him up, sex and food. At this moment, I'm opting for food. Ya never know, that may lead to sex.

23 comments:

  1. I'm more confused than you are. I like a 'reason', but any reason will do, they can be serious or silly. Maybe Nick does need a real-ish reason. Who knows. I think motivation and focus and stress relief are some of my favorite reason and I can always use them.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. It did take me a while to realize he needed a reason, now I just have to figure out what to do with that info. And they say we women are complicated, lol.

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  2. Food and sex/spankings are great pleasures in life and I think there is room for both in your life tonight! Good luck.

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    1. I'll take an extra helping of the sex/spankings and forego the food. I'm not a big eater so I wouldn't miss it :)

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  3. I'm with you - I don't need a reason to get spanked and I don't do well with orders - just like you I more than likely to just do the opposite just to be ornery. Thank God we have the husbands we have. Can't give you any ideas though.

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    1. Being ornery is kinda fun :) And since I like the dance to the beat of my own drummer it makes being ornery easier, lol. I have a few ideas, just need to have the time to think them out a bit :0

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  4. I always want a reason! For a while he'd make reasons up just to settle me and make me feel less "weird" about it. Luckily I've since then gotten over myself and am fine with having it just 'cuz. And I like what you said about using it as reward/motivation. We've done some of that and it has worked quite nicely :) Enjoy your sex and food, chica!

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    1. Weird is normal for me, lol. That might be why I don't need a reason :) I have some ideas, unfortunately I am still working full time so it may be a bit before I can iron it all out.

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  5. Food leading to sex is good. Sex leading to food is also good. Sex with food... depends on the food. And the sex, I suppose. I'm not really one to mix the two.

    As for him needing a reason, I can understand. I'm just now starting to understand my more dominant, slightly sadistic side that wants to deliver pain as pleasure, and if I'm not already into a sex-session I have trouble bringing out the Dom side. Knowing Mrs. AP wants it is a big help, though, especially when she begs.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. I could forego food all day long, just don't take the sex away, lol. He seems to have problems bringing out the dom side sometimes too. That was a bit confusing for me because he is naturally dominant in so many areas. I do think I have some ideas that may help, now I just need the time to think it all through clearly.

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  6. We have been talking about this A LOT. You know, Spanky and Kallisto have a "demerit" system where she is rewarded with demerits that earn spankings when she does something good. I brought this up to H the other night and he totally glopped onto the idea... like, he would love it if I would wear hose more often, and so it could be a demerit earner.

    I like that they are called demerits...

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    1. Hmmm...I didn't know Spanky and Kallisto had a demerit system, I like that idea. I'd love to hear more about how it might work for you since I have some ideas but no real clear direction yet.

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    2. The first rough sketch is that he has a list of things he would like to see (but doesn't need to make into a rule, and if I do them, I earn demerits toward more spankings. Likewise, I have a couple of behaviors that I would like to correct for me, like limiting computer time, and if I don't do those, I can lose some demerits. Obviously, demerits in this way are a reward for me - enough demerits and I have earned an extra spanking. We won't touch or change maintenance - so three guaranteed spankings a week PLUS. Yes, I get "rewarded" with spankings. Ha.

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  7. I like having a reason. It just is a bit strange to say sternly, "get in position" without any reason. For Lisa, asking "why", is her defense. She always wants to know. If I come up with a good reason she submits, otherwise she keeps discussing it. She just is not that free from prejucdice that she could happily enjoy a spanking for fun.
    Having no reason means the spanking is only for fun (for both I hope). Nothing wrong with that, but in my mind it then equals any other activity, could do some tickling too.
    It misses the special spark. I suppose that a lot of fun-spankers play a little bit with being stern. Sunnygirl could explain this much better.

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    1. Stern? He's supposed to be stern? LOL. It's much more an issue for him then for me. I like it, that's good enough reason for me :) I don't think I have ever questioned a spanking and probably won't. But if there is something that we can do that will make it better for him, well, why wouldn't I try it?

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  8. We essentially have three types of spankings: fun, bonding and punishment. Those three cover just about any reason I can think of. For me, what is difficult, is asking for a spanking, though the punishment spanking I wouldn't ask for. In my head, I know the difference and I can't enjoy it. But I am learning to give BIG hints to my husband when I would like to have some fun. I hope that you two can figure out what will work for the two of you.

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    1. I find it hard to ask for a spanking too, and we don't even do punishment spankings. I'm sure given enough time we will figure it out, I just need to find that time, soon :)

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  9. Very interesting post! I'm still really just exploring, but I think I'm with you-- that I dont respond well to punishment, but rewards are great...

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    1. I've known since I was very young that punishment doesn't deter me, I just didn't realize how it would effect this aspect of my life until recently. With time and further exploration I'm sure we will both figure out what will work for us :)

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  10. A "good girl spanking" can definitely serve well as a reward, faerie. However, having to have a reason kind of started to get in the way for us. Joy likes spankings a lot. Several months ago, we agreed to simply add a "maintenance spanking" to our nightly routine before bedtime. Sometimes it leads to sex and sometimes it doesn't, but it definitely helps us to feel connected each and every evening. Might be too much for some, but it works for us...

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  11. I would say I fall into the "like them a lot" category too and don't need a reason. For right now though, I think it would help him. I would love to have maintenance every night, we just aren't there yet :)

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