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The D/s hasn't gone by the wayside, we are just on autopilot for the moment. That's not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It just is. There's been plenty of sex, most of it initiated by me, which is an improvement for me. There was a lovely session with the paddle. That wasn't initiated by me, unless of course you count the fact that I had put on his favorite skirt. Hey, what can I say, it's comfy.
Having been away from reading and writing for so long has left me feeling a bit disconnected to that side of myself. I haven't been upset about it, just disconnected. I do realize that I miss it, but there doesn't seem to be any urge to push for it on my part. I'm kinda just going along to get along.
Musicman seems to be a bit tentative about initiating any kind of dominance. Can't say I blame him any for that, given how things went last weekend. What he has done has been well received by me if not necessarily enthusiastically. I was a bit reluctant when he first suggested a spanking, but once we got started it was great. It definitely helped me get through the week better.
I'm not too sure why this is happening, other than fatigue on my part, but I don't think that is the entire story. I've had a bit of a shift in the way I think about it all and just haven't really had the energy to explore that thought process. I also may be using the fact that I am busy with work as an excuse not to think about it.
Clarity is poking at the edges of my mind and I'm just not ready to deal with the glare of it yet. It's just been easier to take a step back and coast along on autopilot. Honestly, autopilot hasn't been so bad, it's been pretty smooth sailing so far.
I'm sure at some point I will get tired of cruising along on autopilot, then maybe I will have something better to offer here.
Maybe it's a symptom of the dog days of summer. Sometimes I feel like the heat sucks the life right out of me! I hope things pick back up for you guys soon:)
ReplyDeleteIt could definitely be the weather, first searingly hot, then severe storms rolling through. It's messing with my sinuses and giving me big time headaches. I guess it just hurts too much to think right now, lol.
DeleteI, too, have that autopilot feeling.
ReplyDeleteKinda weird, isn't it?
DeleteI guess I'll second or third that feeling. I too am coasting. You've started a new job, that's usually draining even if you love it. We aren't geared to do anything 100%, 100 % of the time. I have no doubt you will soon be back in the groove, what every form that groove takes.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
Ya know, I could say the same to you. Home renovations and changes at work can't be easy for you either. When do we get to move permanently to spanko land where none of that trivial stuff matters? LOL ;-D
DeleteTotally hearing ya sista! Sometimes it's easier to bury our heads in our work and give our expectations a break! I know that is where I'm at quite a bit... he is only paddling for fun these days, and I know I shouldn't complain... I consider this practice, hoping he will get more comfortable with the whole idea.
ReplyDeleteHear's to autopilot... not such a horrible place to be at... just not a place we hope to stay! *hugs*
Yeah, not such a bad place, but I wouldn't wanna live there, lol. Of course, where I wanna live doesn't exist either. Guess I just make the most of what I've got and realize what I've got is pretty darn good :)
DeleteIt is my dream to just be some day. Yanno - just be. In the moment. Greatful for the good, dealing with the bad. Enjoy it and know that I am envying that part.
ReplyDeleteHope the new job is going well.
I don't do so well with just being either, so I am appreciating it. You'll get there some day too, in fact, I'd bet you do and maybe don't realize it.
DeleteWe all need time. It is the one thing we usually don't let ourselves have. We are always pushing for one more thing, one more step. It is nice to just "be". You've earned it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sunnygirl, it really has been a comfortable, if tiring, week. I think I have been guilty lately of pushing too much and needed to just relax some.
DeleteYeah well it happens. Plus you just started another new job and are probably still adjusting to life.
ReplyDeleteYep, you are right about still adjusting to the job, so autopilot has kinda been a godsend in some ways right now.
DeleteMmm... I'll be interested in hearing what clarity pokes through for you. Nice to hear from you, as always.
ReplyDeleteThanks Renee Rose, it's nice to be heard :)
DeleteI'm hoping to have the time soon to think some more on the things poking at me. When I do, this is where I will work them all out :)
Even faeries have to take a rest sometimes. Find yourself a beautiful summerflower to land on and look at the other flowers.
ReplyDeleteNow, isn't it a prove that TTWD really exists when it goes on, during those autopilot periods we all have?
You don't have to necessarily be "doing" TTWD all the time, because then you would never know whether or not it is just Role Playing.
My wings are a bit tired, so a nice flower to rest on is a lovely idea :)
DeleteThis comment reminds of a topic that has been brewing for awhile, but have yet to write about. It's still kinda tangled up with a bunch of other stuff. Ah well, at some point I'm sure I will unravel it, then I can move on to the next knot, lol.
I think sometimes that ttwd is at the forefront for a while, and then it calms. I guess it's like everything else, it ebbs and flows, especially when there are so many other distractions in everyday life.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you just need that quiet time?
Dee x
I do think the quiet time has been helpful. There are times when worrying and chewing at something just does no good. Being able to see that this is one of those times is an accomplishment in itself :)
DeleteWhat you offered here is what you always offer. Honestly saying what you're thinking. That's why I read here.
ReplyDeleteTTWD has been in ebb so long for me I'm starting to doubt if the tide's ever coming back in.
And it is really really hot and dead and dry here :)
Thank you for the lovely compliment. There aren't many places in my life where I can be totally honest, so being honest here, with myself is very important to me.
DeleteI'm sorry you have been in such a dry spell, both literally and figuratively. Don't give up hope, life may surprise you yet.
Sometimes a time out and away from it is needed, to gather thoughts etc...heck i took a break from blogger and it ended up being 2 years!!! not that im suggesting that lol
ReplyDeletexx
I didn't know blogger or this community even existed 2 years ago, I'm glad you ended your break and came back. I still have way too much stuff to explore to be gone that long. Besides, I miss all my kinky friends, lol :)
DeleteHey, you have lots to offer here! Autopilot can be good, sometimes it's nice to just "be."
ReplyDeleteAww thanks Riley. It has been good to just be, but maybe a bit boring for anyone reading.
Delete