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Thank you my love, for accommodating the last minute change of plans even though we suspected bad news.
Thank you my love, for lightening the moment with your own special brand of humor.
Thank you my love, for sharing your wisdom with me and preventing me from worring about the unimportant things.
Thank you my love, for reminding me you are here and we will get through this.
Thank you my love, for holding me close and lending me your strength.
Thank you my love, for understanding I need a little more time to face the situation.
Thank you my love, for the hugs and the swats that bring the smile to my face.
Thank you my love, being so tuned in to my thoughts and feelings.
Thank you my love, for offering your help with some stress relief.
Thank you my love, for asking "are you ok?"
Thank you my love, for realizing when I said yes, I really meant no.
Thank you my love, for understanding why I no longer wanted to celebrate.
Thank you my love, for speaking up and stopping me from doing something potentially embarrassing.
Thank you my love, for being you and for loving me.
Friday night I received the news that my mother, whom I have been estranged from for the last 2 years, has terminal cancer and is refusing any treatment.
Ah shit, faerie. Parents are so complicated and knowing that they are likely to leave this planet first makes it even more so. Knowing when-ish is actually worse.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
Thanks Kitty, your reaction made me smile. Between Musicman and myself this is our last parent left alive. We lost my MIL to cancer and know what is coming.
DeleteOh sorry to hear your sad news. For your peace of mind in the future, please try to find a way to repair the breach before she is gone.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and positive thoughts
Joyce
Good advice Joyce :) I am working on it, as I want no regrets.
DeleteBeautiful way to thank your husband for being there, and I am sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my estranged dad, and I wish I had tried harder before he was gone.
ReplyDeleteHe deserves so much more, he really helped me hold it all together this weekend. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad :( I'm not sure when, but I will make my peace with her.
DeleteI'm so sorry, faerie. Sending positive thoughts for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you poured out, I really appreciate it :)
DeleteI'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteA week after our wedding, (which was actually four months after our marriage), we got news that my estranged dad had been killed in a car accident, caused by him. I learned much later that he also killed two women in that collision.
It can hit you like a ton of bricks - even if it's just anger.
Lovely expression of gratitude to your husband.
Unfortunately, we've faced this before, 3 times to be exact. My Mother is the last of our parents left. I have been experiencing a myriad of emotions and Musicman has been very tuned about what I need right now.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about your Father, that had to be so difficult for you.
Hey faerie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you have musicman. Cling tight. You mother may know what's best for her. You do what is best for you. I don't know all about it, of course, but think deep about what is best for you and do that. We're here.
Hugs,
PK
Thanks PK, this is definitely a case of I wouldn't make it through without him. My Mother and I have always had a very complicated relationship and I just don't know what to do yet. Musicman will help me figure it out, he isn't as emotionally involved as I am.
DeleteThat is such a wonderful way to express your thanks to your husband. It's so awesome to have a husband that you love so much.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your mother. Wish I ha some avice to give you but the only thing I could possibly say is that if there is something you wnat to say to her, say it but don't expect things to change. Hope for the best. Don't have any regrets.
(((HUGS)))
I've always tried to live my life without regrets. I think it is going to be tough to figure this one out, but I will. There are so many times I would have not made it if it hadn't been for Musicman. This too will be one of those times. I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have found him :)
DeleteAww, Faerie, you're in my thoughts. I don't have the greatest relationship with my mother, but I could see her doing the same thing. As PK said, cling to Musicman. And remember we are all here for you...
ReplyDeleteThanks Rogue, I have a feeling by the time this is all played out he is going to have to physically peel me off him.
DeleteI'm not at all surprised by my Mother's decision, we both believe in quality of life over quantity of life. Doesn't necessarilly make it easier to face though.
Oh Faerie, I am so sorry. You have to trust that it is her choice and all you can do is support her decision.
ReplyDeleteGreat love letter to your husband. He will be there for you to lean on.
He will be there for me, and I more grateful then I can say to have that kind of support.
DeleteMy Mother's decision isn't a surprise, and if things were better between us it wouldn't be so difficult for me. I'm sure I will figure out the best way to handle things with Musicman's help.
{{{hugs}}}} faerie, PK said it beautifully. I'm glad you have Musicman, and your words to him are lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you June, this is hitting me hard and he is really stepping up and holding me close. I know we will get through it, but it always helps to have him remind me of that.
DeleteSo sorry to hear about your mum faerie, I can't imagine all that you must be feeling right now. Musicman will help you through it all, lovely declaration of your love to him.
ReplyDelete((hugs))
Dee x
I'm not even sure what all emotions I'm feeling right now. The estrangement between us just complicates the whole situation. Musicman has a way of cutting to the important things and he isn't afraid to point them out to me. I need that now.
DeleteI'm very sorry to hear your news, faerie. Joy and I will keep you and your family in our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jake, the kindness and support of friends always helps.
DeleteThinking of you and your family at this time. It was a nice post you wrote to Musicman. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThanks SNP, he and I have faced this before, we have already lost both of his parents and my father. It won't be easy, but he will hold tight and not let me fall.
DeleteHugs....I am so sorry about your mom, even when estranged, they are still our moms. Beautiful letter to Musicma, it is one you should read again and again when necessary. abby
ReplyDeleteGreat advice abby, I just may read it again and again :) Not exactly how I thought Mother's day weekend would go, but that's life.
DeleteThat was beautiful Faerie. Sorry to hear your news.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Thank you Ronnie, we have tough times ahead, but he will be there for me.
DeleteFaerie, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I hope you're able to lean on Musicman. What a lovely post of thank you's.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't going to be easy to face this ordeal, but I will be able to lean on him as much as I need too. Thanks for the kind words :)
DeleteMy heart goes out to you and your family. Our parents are our parents whether they are imperfect or not. Sometimes we can't stand them, but still we want to love them. I believe many who have difficulty loving, still wish they could love their children more. Some of them never learned how. God Bless You and Everyone who is important to you, Belle L.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the lovely words Belle. Your right, some people never learn to love, I suspect that is the case with my Mother.
DeleteI'm sorry about your mom, Faerie. I hope you're able to reconnect with her. I'm glad MM was by your side and I think your thanks to him was very sweet. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThank you Grace, it was a bit disorienting to get the news about my Mother. Musicman really stepped in and helped me get my equilibrium back.
DeleteOh, Faerie...I am so sorry. I cared for my grandparents, and my father, for many years, but then became estranged from my mother. For 15 years.... but recently she has realised she made a big mistake, and although she won't apologise or acknowledge it to ME, she doesn't need to. We are now embarking on a strange journey where I won't get too involved for fear of further hurtful rejection, but I visit her a couple times a month and take her out to dinner occasionally. She is lonely and proud. But, she is my mum. As others have said, do what you can to heal the rift. It's shocking news like this that removes barriers. I am glad you have the wisdom of Musicman, who knows you (probably better than you know yourself!) and will support you through these difficult times.
ReplyDeleteI have added you to my prayer list. ( I have to make a prayer list to ensure I don't forget any person/situation I have promised to pray for!) xxxx
Oh Daisy, this made me want to cry. I so appreciate you putting me on your list, I will take all the help I can get :)
DeleteYour story with your mother sounds a lot like mine. This is actually the 3rd time since I was a teenager we have been estranged. This last time comes after 10 years of me being her primary caretaker after my father passed. I think my journey with her will be me not getting too involved also. She is a very bitter woman who likes to create drama between her children and is not above lying to cause it. I really don't want to be put myself back in that situation, but I don't want regrets once she is gone either.
You are right about Musicman knowing me so well, he will help me figure it all out.
Tough news I am sure, probably a lot of different emotions surrounding that. I hope you are able to reconnect with her if it is something that you want.
ReplyDeleteI'm still working on figuring out what I want, but the well wishes are appreciated :) Thank you.
DeleteSo sorry to hear this. :(
ReplyDeleteI just re-watched the movie _Marvin's Room_, about an estranged sister coming to terms with her sister's terminal cancer. If you haven't seen it, it's very good. Maybe for later, after the shock has passed.
Try not to stress yourself about not wanting regrets later. You might or might not, but you can't control that now. For now, just making it through one day is all you can ask sometimes. Hugs.
Thanks for the recommendation on the movie, I'll have to keep it in mind for later.
DeleteRight now I am actively NOT thinking about what to do about the rift between she and I. I'm just not ready yet to deal with it.
Shock and denial are not bad things, at first. Let them protect you and get you through the next few steps.
DeleteIt will be what it will be, and you don't have to manage anything more than the next 5 minutes. Sending you lots of support and well-wishes.
Thanks for the support Ana, unfortunately I am familiar with the one minute at a time approach having had to deal with this kind of thing many times before. At some point I will be forced to address the issue, I'm gonna wait till that point arrives and go from there :)
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