Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A Sub in a Vanilla World

I've never fit in well in the vanilla world, I just don't blend in very well at all. In fact there are times when I stick out like a sore thumb. This doesn't bother me a bit, I like being me.

Friday night is a great example. We had gone out to a local cafe to meet my brother and his wife. The place was packed, not an empty table to be had. I am a people watcher and spent time observing the people around me. One of the things I noticed immediately was that there was an almost even number of men and women, nothing unusual about that. What did seem unusual to me was I was the only woman not wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

I was wearing a long flowing black skirt and a corset style jean top. Some people may have looked at me and thought I had dressed up for the outing, but they would have been wrong. That's the way I dress most days. In fact I had worn that particular outfit all day and the plans to go out were made last minute. I love wearing skirts, sans panties of course. Musicman is not a big talker, but he is a tactile man. He is always touching me.  I like that, so why wouldn't I encourage that behaviour?

I also noticed that I was the only woman with hair past my shoulders. My hair is well below mid-back and is naturally curly which gives it a bit of a wild appearance.  My mother is fond of telling me I need to cut it because hair that long on a woman my age is not the social norm. I don't have a problem telling her or anyone else that I don't care what the societal norms are.  Musicman likes it long, so I wear it long.

When I start my new job I will be working in a department of predominantly women. This is nothing new for me as most of my jobs have been that way. I will have to conform to a dress code, so physically I won't stick out at all. No, the differences there will be noticeable in the content of the conversations.

Invariably when you get a group of women together the conversation will turn to their men and sex. I have no problems discussing sex with people. It has however been my experience that my views are not the views of most women.

Most women are very quick to deride and belittle the men in their lives. Most women complain about sex and the fact that the men want it and they don't. Clearly this is not my view on the subject and I am not afraid to share my view when asked. Honesty is a good policy, but in this case it is a policy that is going to make me stand out among the crowd. That's okay, I've never really wanted to be one of the crowd anyway.

31 comments:

  1. I'm with you Faerie! Thankfully, my close friends aren't into the man-bashing thing, but I have been privy to some conversations like that over the years and it's SO awkward! I always feel so bad for the guys when I hear women talking like that...and lucky that I don't have that problem:)

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    1. I always feel bad for the guys too, and I often wonder why the women are so willing to settle for a less then great relationship.

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  2. You know, I was sitting with two of my friends, and one of them was complaining about her husband wanting sex, like once a week, and all I could think was, how sad. I want sex with my husband every night, well almost. But still. She kept going on, how she can get out of it, and I just couldn't participate. I actually love DH and my sex life. If we could, we would do it more often even. And the way some women talk about their husbands is just scary, imo.

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    1. I'm the type to speak up and say that I like sex and wish I could have it all the time. That always gets the LOOKS started. You know the look that makes me check to see if I've sprouted horns from my head or something like that, lol.

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  3. I was just talking about this very subject with a friend of mine! It really makes no sense when women bash their men. What does that do? It's certainly not fixing any problems. I don't know if they see it as a bonding thing or if they really just want to vent, or what. And I love that you keep your hair long, I keep mine just below the bottom of my shoulder blades, and it feels feminine. He likes it too. :)

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    1. Venting is fine, but then DO SOMETHING about it. My experience is that they are proud of bashing there husbands, and I want no part of it.

      Musicman loves my hair, so even though it is a lot of work I will keep it long.

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  4. My hair falls most of the way down my back and I let my gray shine. It is funny. My mom tires to get me to cut my hair too. It isn't the norm for women my age she says. I don't care. I like it long. My wardrobe is not the norm either. I have frump along with fashion forward pieces. Things you will see in the fashion magazines next year. A bit eccentric but Dragon likes it and so do I.

    When talk turns to sex, I tune out. Like you said, women tend to bad talk their men. That makes me uncomfortable. Now when talk turns to kink, that is a different story. Vanilla is still dominant but people are adding all kinds of fun topping to that plain old stand by.

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    2. My gray shines through too. I have a particularlly thick stripe in the front I refer to as my skunk stripe, lol. Musicman doesn't have any grey and sometimes people think I am older then he is. He finds that hilarious because I'm younger then him.

      Working with women who bash their husbands just makes it easier to be a great employee cause I will find something to do to stay away from those conversations.

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  5. Standing out in a crowd is not a bad thing. It just proves you can think for yourself. As for man bashing, I usually say something like I don't have that problem or sometimes I agree that I could "kill" him. He knows it, I tell him too. As for sex, I am pretty outspoken and get teased a lot because of our age. OH well, they are probably jealous.

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    1. I honestly don't mind standing out in a crowd. It was just amusing how much I stood out the other night. Everytime I got up to do something or get something, all heads would turn my way. If I were not so secure I would have thought something was drastically wrong with me to have so many people staring at me.

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  6. Yeah, I tend to stand out too as the sex-loving, husband-adoring crazy person, even without going too much into detail. We can't keep our hands off each other, even if it's innocent touching, and it shows.

    I just happen to think that I have the better deal than the sex-shaming, SO-bashing folks.

    You'll be a good example. :)

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    1. Thanks Conina, I'm thinking I will be an example, just not sure of what, lol. The problem is that I KNOW I have the better deal, and I don't have a problem sharing that information.

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  7. My mother is always trying to get me to cut my hair as well. What an odd thing! I think it's lady like. I love my longer hair.
    I stand out as far as sex loving, I do not bash my husband anymore, but I used to with a group of friends. :(
    I really hate how much I see it on TV now a days and now that I notice it more, I don't want my girls treating men that way.

    I did realize that I was not getting us anywhere or making us closer or have a stronger bond when I used to bash him.

    One thing about how we run our relationship now is my respect for him and my ever learning understanding of his role and what it means to us as a couple.
    I am usually very quiet now when I hear a gang of ladies being to bash.

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    1. Emi, It's nice to see you out and about. I hope you and the babies are doing well.

      I'm glad you realized that bashing your hubby doesn't help anything. That kind of negativity really has no useful place in a good relationship. That is the thing a lot of women just don't stop to consider.

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  8. Who wants to be one of the crowd when they can be their own special unique, beautiful self! abby

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    1. Not me, lol. I've never been in danger of being one of the crowd.

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  9. I think we should all go out together. Sounds like the majority of us bloggers thing the same way and actually dress very similar. Well except right now I am in my cleaning house baggy clothing. I tend to only really hang out with women who like their husbands and they don't speak poorly of them. I speak of my husband as if (and he is) was the greatest person I have ever met.

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    1. Going out sounds like a ton of fun, wish we could do it. I think it is rare to find a women who actually dresses to please herself and her man in today's society. So may seem to feel it is a competition and they have to oneup the other women. I just have no interest in it.

      I think my husband is the greatest person I ever met too. Why else would I be with him if he wasn't?

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  10. Life can be much more interesting when not following the crowd :)

    Dee x

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    1. LOL Dee, my life has certainly been interesting at times :)

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  11. I agree with Blondie, let's all go out together!! Now I have short hair and I like wearing jeans and tee's, but I agree completely about man bashing. I mean love your man and says good things about him or just shut-up! I love bragging on my man. There was a time in my life when sex was not my favorite activity, but it wasn't my husbands fault and I would never, ever bad mouth him - except here where everyone knows I'm just momentarily venting.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. We'll sit together, PK. My hair is short as well & Ward actually likes jeans.

      I'm generally appalled with the way 'nilla people talk about their partners. As though it were a contest as to whose partner was the worst. I don't enjoy listening to others denigrate their partners. Funny with the opinion people have of us, that we seem to value our partners more than the 'normal' people.

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    2. Musicman likes me in jeans occasionally too. Nice tight jeans. I don't have any of those right now cause I've lost a lot of weight and haven't replaced a lot of my wardrobe yet. Musicman has mentioned a few times that I need to get new jeans :)

      It's okay to vent, but when that's all that someone does is when the problems arise. Like June said, if that's "normal", I don't want to be normal.

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  12. I have curly hair too! :) I would join in all of them. We really should start our submissive wives club. I will also be in a skirt sans panties. (wink.)

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    1. *pouts* I want curly hair...then maybe I wouldn't look like a cocker spaniel when it got longer.

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    2. Skirts sans panties is quite freeing, and cuts down on laundry, lol. I'm so used to it that I am going to have to make an effort to get used to wearing them at work again :)

      A submissive wives club is a great idea, oh the fun we would have :)

      June, I happen to like cocker spaniels :) There was a time when I was younger I would have gladly given you my curls. Now I embrace the wild look :)

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  13. yeah i am the same way. the women around here that is all they do and it gets old listening to them belittle a man for everything.

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    1. I have almost no tolerance for women that talk that way. I don't associate with them in my personal life, but I don't have that same option at work.

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  14. As I can see from the comments, you are far from alone. I almost always stand out as the skirt wearing woman with long wavy hair. People look me up and down. This isn't an "all the time" thing but I have noticed that men are more polite. If I'm alone they wait and open doors for me. They are very respectful. Women (strangers) on the other hand sometimes almost sneer. I'm not sure why that is or perhaps I'm reading too much into their looks. My friends...they are used to it and I know they pay attention to "us." I see them watching sometimes.

    My mother is forever trying to get me to cut my hair. When we visit I can't help but count the number of days it takes before she tells me I need a haircut.

    You are going to stand out at your new job and I'm sure it will be in ALL the right ways.

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    1. I've noticed the same thing with men being more respectful and polite. I'm familiar with the looks from the women too. I chalk it up to jealousy. If I'm getting the attention, they aren't. What they don't know is that while I appreciate the politeness I don't necessarily want the attention.

      Our friends are used to me and the outfits I wear too. Just like they are aware of the fact that if someone bothers me they are going to have to contend with Musicman.

      My Mother is never going to win the fight to get me to cut my hair, but she probably won't stop trying either. She will mention it within minutes.

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