It's been a busy couple days of various vanilla type activities, and thinking. Lots and lots of thinking. Things got a little bit more confusing before they got better, but they have gotten better. It was very hard for me to write the series of posts that I did last week. They were not any easier for Musicman to read. But they needed to be written. I needed to get it out into the light of day so I could see it a little better.
I've been having these meltdowns off and on since I got sober. I believe they are a combination of post alcoholic depression and menopausal hormone storms. I have been treating them physically with a variety of things and writing is helping tons too. They are getting some better and we are hoping that at some point they are no longer an issue. Only time will tell on that one.
Spanking is part of the physical aspect of addressing these episodes. Needless to say we haven't exactly gotten that part right yet, not consistently. When it works, it works great, when it doesn't work, it can be a bit disasterous. It has been difficult for me to figure out what the problem is because these episodes, once they end are hard for me to remember. They have a very fog like quality for me. All Musicman sees is me being very quiet and withdrawn, sometimes tears. Usually during these times I stop writing posts and comment very little on anyone else's blog.
Being able to focus outside myself during this last episode enough to be able to write it all out, is a big step forward for me. I think I might actually see what the problem is now. I'm not sure I am able to put it all down in writing yet in a clear concise way, but I'm not done thinking either.
One thing I do know is that I am very grateful for this community. All the wonderful supportive comments helped keep me moving enough to get through it and get it all written out. I like to take in all available information and mull it over before making a decision. I sometimes think I consider too many sides of some issues, but I don't think that is possible in this case. In this case, for me, the more information the better and I appreciate so much all the information shared out here.
Thank you all.