Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A Baking Kind of Day

I mentioned in my last post that when I first approached Musicman with the idea of exploring a D/s relationship he didn't think it was much of a change for us. I agreed with him. It isn't much of a change for "us". It has however been a big change for me. I needed to change.

I have been at a bit of a crossroads in many different areas of my life this last year.  Starting on this journey hasn't changed me fundamentally, but it has brough me a better understanding and acceptance of myself.

What I needed to understand was that I had already changed. Once I did understand that, I needed to accept those changes. In many ways I have come to that place of acceptance. It was actually pretty easy for me to do that, mostly because Musicman has accepted the changes.

He has always accepted me and who I think I am at any given moment. He also sees the real me and accepts her too. Sometimes those two things aren't the same. Sometimes that can cause problems for me.

Musicman has always been right beside me, supporting and encouraging me in whatever endeavor I decided on. He gives me his opinion and view on the situation. I don't often tell him how much I appreciate that. His views and opinions are usually very different from mine, but they never fail to bring to light aspects I have over looked.

I have been dealing with a very stressful issue for some time now. I know how I would like the situation to work out, but I don't have that kind of control over this particular situation. As I deal with this situation I face rejection on an almost daily basis. It can be very depressing.

In an effort to keep the depression at bay I intersperse the activity with others I enjoy throughout the day. I dance while I clean, it makes me happy to provide a clean, comfortable home for Musicman to come home to. I bake several times week, all Musicman's favorites. It lightens my heart to pamper him and feel like I am making things a little better for him.

The hardest part about facing the rejection is the feeling of letting him down it causes. This feeling is purely internal on my part, he does not think this way. When things get too bad, and I get lost in the negativityof my own thoughts and feelings, he is there.

He is always there, holding me up when I need it, and picking me up when I've fallen. No, this journey hasn't been much of a change for us. He has always been the leader in this relationship and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've spent quite a bit of time on this particularly stressing project today and am feeling a bit down. The housework is done, I think I'll go bake something for Musicman.
He deserves more then a crying defeated wife when he gets home.

Cupcakes anyone?

23 comments:

  1. Yes, I'll have a cupcake please! How lucky are we to have husbands that we can ALWAYS count on and lean on?

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    1. I'm very, very lucky :) Would you like vanilla or chocolate?

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  2. Aw, sorry to hear how you're feeling, I'm glad you have his support.

    Coincidentally, I just got done baking for Cael! I wanted him to have some cookies for when he gets home from work. Cupcakes sound good too!

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    1. Guess both our guys are getting treats tonight :)

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  3. Sorry you are feeling this way. My DH loves when I bake rolls for dinner!

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    1. Thanks Julia, I haven't made rolls in awhile, may have to make some, lol.

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  4. I hope this situation will change for you soon. But I'm glad nothing will change with musicman. Now if you're baking cupcakes and you really don't mind I'd love some!!

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Thanks PK, I'm trying ti keep the faith that things will workout well. Cupcakes are on the way, chocolate and vanilla :)

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  5. (((faerie))) I find peace in doing things for Ward as well. He also holds me up and judges me far more gently than I do myself.

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    1. I'd say Musicman is one of a kind, but from what I see here he isn't. That's refreshing as everyone should have such a great guy :)

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  6. Baking always makes me feel better but then it is one of my favorite things to do. I hope you feel better soon.

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    1. I love to bake, also the concentration needed to do it right gives me some relief from my worries.

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  7. I agree...baking or cooking is a way to stay busy and maybe get your mind off other things. And, the gratification of the end result is a plus. I just don't bake or cook as much as I would like. Hope you feel better soon, Farie.

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    1. Thanks SNP, I'm sure at some point this situation will work itself out, I just need to be patient and stay positive :)

      Baking is something I have always enjoyed but didn't necessarily have the time for. I'm taking full advantage of the time now.

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  8. I'll have a slice of your killer cheesecake. You are such a sweetheart. MM and your children are so very lucky to have you.

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    1. Thankyou Sunnygirl for the sweet words. Musicman doesn;t like cheesecake so I'm afraid you'll have to take the whole thing, lol.

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  9. i'm sorry you're having a hard time, but glad you can turn your energies to things that support and nurture you both.

    aisha

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    1. I've been dealing with this for awhile, Musicman has been getting baked goods on a frequent basis :)

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  10. I think you inspired me yesterday. My hubby came home real late and at 9pm after a very long work day I somehow found the desire to make him banana muffins for a quick dinner. He felt very loved.

    I hope your MM enjoyed his cupcakes.

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    1. I'm glad I inspired you. I didn't have much time for baking for many years, I am very much enjoying having the time now to do it.

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  11. Oh I do love cupcakes. I think a lot relationships that go down the road of D/s really already had a leader in the family and it is just a matter of the other person really embracing it. I hope your stressful works out, its comforting to know MM will always be there for you.

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    1. Thanks DB, good point about already having a leader, that has definitely been true for us :) This particular issue is probably my biggest trigger right now and is just incredibly frustrating. A bit more of a challenge then I really need right now, if you know what I mean?

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