The state of our union

During the 5 weeks I was away Musicman and I texted every day. I  really enjoyed that, he almost seemed like a different man.  He seemed like the man I loved, married and chose to submit to. It gave me hope that we would be able to get things back on track.

Now that I'm home he texts me every day on his lunch break. I find that sweet and look forward to those texts.

I think anyone on the outside looking in would see a loving, happy, middle age couple content with their life. I'd even go so far as to say that's exactly how Musicman feels most of the time.

He goes to work.  I  spend my days dealing with no less than 4 different insurance companies and as many doctors wading through paperwork and jumping through hoops trying to get the care I need. Well, it's more like a tuck and roll cause I don't jump.  Either way, it's all very frustrating.

Musicman comes home to a mostly clean home, some things I just can't physically do, and a decent meal.  I do my best to give him time to relax and recoup after long days at work. He needs it and deserves that.

We continue to be intimate a few times a week, though not much kink going on.  I  admit that I miss it, but I don't ask for it. I'm just not sure I'm ready for that with him again

One of the glaring problems that no one would see is the lack of  support from Musicman. He's either incapable or unwilling to provide that. If he finds me in tears of frustration with my current situation, he literally says nothing and walks away.  All I really need in those moments is a hug and encouraging words. I've voiced that to him and he gives me a blank look and walks away.

I'm a very independent, take charge and get it done, kind of person. Being physically incapable of doing the things that I want or need to do is also frustrating. Though difficult for me to ask for help, I do.  Musicman usually has some lame excuse as to why he can't or won't help.

I truly do not understand why he's acting this way. If I try to open a dialog about it, no matter how calm and non-judgmental I am, he doesn't take it well. He most often gets instantly angry and verbally attacks me. He turns around everything I say and accuses me of trying to make him feel bad.  That is never my intention and I'm often stymied at how he is able to make any and every situation about him.

I'm literally stuck right now while I work my way through the nightmare maze that is our health care system.  I've been informed that could be another 3-6 months. Until then I don't need to make any decisions about where I go moving forward.  I hope that time and hard work on my part allows me to make the right decision.