Wednesday, January 29, 2014

It Slipped Out

Do you have someone in your life, other than your spouse, that you can talk in depth about sex with? I don't. I have a great girlfriend whom I would not be embarrassed to discuss sex with, but we don't. I actually brought up the subject once with her. Kind of an effort to feel her out, test her reaction so to speak, if I told her about my blog.  She turned kinda red, told me she and her husband, whom she loves very much, had not had sex in years. Then she quickly changed the subject. Needless to say, I never mentioned my blog. That happened a couple years ago, shortly after I started this blog. I've never considered mentioning the blog to anyone else, until recently.

There is a young girl I work with, just 22 years old. For the sake of this post I will refer to her as S. S is a lovely girl who lives with her 40 year old boyfriend. On occasion she will ask me questions about sex. One day during our lunch break she started talking about sex and the things her boyfriend had been asking of her. She wanted my opinion on it. This particular day she wanted to talk about blowjobs, one of my favorite subjects. During our discussion, the fact that I write a blog about sexual and relationship stuff slipped out. I did not tell her the name of it, or give any specifics. Actually, I was kind of horrified that I had told her. I had never intended to, I just got caught up in the conversation and it happened. That conversation happened about 6 weeks ago and she's never mentioned it again, until yesterday.

Yesterday, S, myself and another young girl, M, were sitting together chatting. S said she had a question for us. She asked both of us if we had ever been asked by our guys to lick their balls and if we had what did we think of it? Now, in situations like this, I tend to listen more than talk. That was pretty easy to do because M seems to think she is an expert on the subject of sex and had a lot to say about the subject. Most of what she had to say was how disgusting that was and how she would never do it. All I contributed to the conversation was, yes, I had been asked and no I didn't have a problem with it.

All would have been fine, except, S remembered my blog and said she wanted to read it because she thought she could learn a lot from it. That's when M piped up and started asking me about it. First she wanted to know if I wrote about my coworkers. I told her no, since I usually don't and that's not really the focus of this blog. Then she wanted to know if it was an open diary. Well...of a sort. I simply told her that my blog contains content which requires me to carry a warning that it's not suitable for those under 18.

At that point, S started asking me again if I would tell her the name of it. Could she find it if she googled my name? The answer to that, is no by the way. She went on and on trying to get me to tell her, with M listening quite closely and contributing to the badgering also. At that point I said, vanilla isn't really a word associated with me and left it at that. M took that opportunity to state she wasn't vanilla either and that she had tried everything.

Now, I don't mean to be judgmental, but M has shared, possibly over shared, quite a bit about her sex life. She definitely hasn't tried everything. And, though just my opinion, she is what I would consider vanilla. In fact, I would categorize her as someone who doesn't really like sex, but does it to get and keep a man. I've often felt bad for her that she seems to not understand how exhilarating and fulfilling great sex can be.

M is most definitely not the person I would choose to share things I share here with. I couldn't ever see me telling her that Musicman spent quite some time Friday evening warming my backside with the hairbrush before moving on to the flogger and some mind blowing sex. I also wouldn't ever tell her that Saturday night he chose the leather strap and the G-spot vibrator to drive me right over the edge of sanity. I'd probably have to explain first the g-spot and then the g-spot vibrator to her.

I ended the conversation by telling S that she was free to look for my blog, but that I didn't think she could find it. I'm pretty sure I'm correct in that assumption, but ya never know. I'm not going to worry about it, if she does stumble across it, I'll deal with it then. So, have any of you ever shared your blog with people in your real life, other than your spouse?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

FB Finds


                                           Haven't we all thought this at one time or another?



                      Ummm, yeah...the hands in this pic remind very strongly of Musicman's hands. He has magic hand's and I'm lost in thought, lol.

Ooomph...takes my breath away.  

For all you spanko ladies who might not love everything about your backside. Now you know, it's magnificent!


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Cabin Fever

I've got cabin fever, bad. It's kind of ironic that I'm a barefoot, beach kinda girl and I'm stuck in one of the snowiest cities in the country. We are also getting hit with the second round of the polar vortex, with temps and wind chills of 20 below or more. I really need summer to come, now.

In addition, I have fallen ill, again. The stomach flu this time, ugh. Musicman had it first and apparently felt the need to share. That's about the only thing he has been feeling the need to share lately though. He has been very stressed about an ongoing issue that we have been dealing with. Yeah, I know, it's bad enough we have to deal with this current health issue, but this other one on top of that has just become too much for him.

He has been venting quite a bit, which I totally understand, even if I don't necessarily handle it all that well. He becomes very angry and then he explodes. I know he doesn't mean to yell at me, but I am the only one in the room, so it's difficult not to feel attacked. I wish I could just learn to ignore the anger that rolls off him in waves, but I have yet to master that. There isn't much I can do, that I'm not already doing, to help the situation, so I go into self protection mode. I withdraw, I put my walls up and let no one in. It's very lonely.

For his part, he barely notices that I'm here. Any and all dominance has ceased to exist and playtime seems forced. It feels like he is performing out of some kind of obligation. Needless to say, it's not gone all that well. He will ask me if I'm okay, I always say I am, even though we both know I'm not. He doesn't push it, most likely cause he just doesn't want one more thing to have to deal with.

My wants and needs are not a priority to him right now. I know this, I've been here before. This is an old habit, that we have allowed the stress of the situation, to pull us back into. It's not really working for either one of us, but I just can't find any good way to fix it at the moment.

I'm not upset about the situation, just kind of indifferent. I've learned over the years that that is the easiest way for me to deal with it. It ensures that I don't expend all my energy being upset over something I can do nothing about. I will do my best to wait patiently for him to shake off this mood and come back to me, for a while. Then, if it goes on too long, I will explode. We will have words, words that we've had many times before and then maybe he will finally see the damage he is doing to us. I'm sincerely hoping that doesn't happen.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Thank You

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and support. It meant more than I can ever adequately express. And, yes, as many of you suggested, I did picture you all around me when I was waiting. That along with my constant prayers to the angels helped me keep the tears to a minimum.

I often think that because we've been in this situation a fair amount of times now, that I will handle it better. That's just not the case. I do believe I handle it worse each time it happens.

Musicman had the procedure and it went well. Unfortunately, it did not fix the problem and we are now looking at a more complicated surgery in the near future. I can't even think about that right now, I'm just too exhausted. I am going to go find something to eat, cause I've been existing on mostly coffee for the last few days(not a great idea) and then try and relax enough to get some sleep.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

The Universe Has a Plan

Above you will see a picture that quite accurately describes my life. I doubt I'm alone in this situation either. The universe seems to be a cold hearted bitch sometimes.

Right now I picture myself in that little boat. The thing you can't see, is that the boat has a hole in it and I have nothing to bale the water with. Even worse, I don't know how to swim.

I'm trying with everything I have not to spiral down, but it's a bit tough going at the moment. I know it's just because I'm over tired. Musicman became violently ill during the night last night. That found me up at 1:00 a.m. scrubbing the bathroom. A disgusting job at the best of times and 1:00 a.m. is almost never the best time for anything. Due to him being up so much throughout the night, so was I.  A sleep deprived faerie is not much fun.

He's been resting most of the day and is feeling somewhat better. That's a good thing anyway. Unfortunately, try as I might, I haven't been able to rest at all. Damn brain. I really wish I could find the off switch.  Instead, it insists on taking me down some very dark paths.

Tomorrow morning we are off to the hospital, before the break of dawn. Musicman is scheduled to have a surgical procedure done. We have spent the last 2 months consulting with a plethora of specialists and obtaining the needed clearance to have this procedure done.

The best case scenario he will get through this procedure with no major problems and it will prevent the need for a more invasive surgery down the road. The pitbull will be on hand to deal with the doctors and nurses and other hospital personnel to make it as easy as possible for him. The only bad thing is, the pitbull never seems to stick around and keep me company while I sit in the waiting room. I sit and wait, all alone, waiting for the doctors to come and tell me it's over and all has gone well. I'm looking forward to the issue Musicman has been dealing with being corrected, but I'm not looking forward to going though it. I will have to be the strong one, the one that buoys him and gets him through everything. I just sometimes wish there was someone to be there to hold me up and keep me strong.

Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, everything will be over, the issue will be corrected and we will be able to move on. Maybe I'll even get some sleep tomorrow night. I know I won't tonight.


Sunday, January 12, 2014

Soup Anyone?

The pic and saying above have been intriguing me for two days now. It rings so true for me, without that mental connection it just doesn't work well for me.  That was clearly demonstrated yesterday. Also, it could be a case of Karma coming back to bite me in the ass.
 We were having a lazy day. We had already done weekend errands the night before, just so we could be a little lazy. Musicman had slept a good portion of the day, not really getting out of bed until mid afternoon.  In case I haven't mentioned it before, I really envy him that ability. Sleep, for me, is a competitive sport. One, I more often than not, lose at.
It was late afternoon, I was sitting on our bed, probably on my laptop, a movie on the TV. I had been up most of the day. I had done some chores and started a pot of soup. I had washed up, but hadn't dressed, just slipped on a pair of sweat pants with the T I had slept in. I know, I know, not very attractive, but some days were just made for being lazy. The wind was whipping bucketful's of rain against the house and turning the piles of snow into giant ice sculptures.  In my book, that's a good day to stay in and be lazy.
I know we were both surprised to find ourselves alone in the house. We hadn't been expecting that. He approached the bed and buried a fist in my hair, turning my face up to his. He's using that deep, authoritative voice. The one that makes shivers run down my spine and the butterflies in my belly come to life.
He says, "I'm going to take a shower.," and accompanies it with a light slap.
He says, "Then, I'm going to fuck you," again, accompanied by a light slap.
He says, "You can join me. "
A few more slaps to my cheek, and he walks out to go to the shower.
I sat there for a moment, almost a bit stunned. Stunned, that after this many years together, he still has that effect on me. Just a few words from him and I've already started to shift mindset. To think of the possibilities, of what's to come. The nerve endings all over my body have begun to tingle, as my mind shifts to that place. That place, evoked by the coming physical actions, that my mind goes to, that I find so indescribable.
I did join him in the shower, other than a few swats on the backside, it was pretty much all business. Our shower is not very big, which means not very conducive to play. Especially since neither one of us is young and nimble anymore. A broken hip would definitely cramp our style.
We met up again in the bedroom, him tweaking my nipples as he said, "I'm going to fuck you, after I warm your ass. I think you need your ass warmed up some."
I don't remember saying anything as he rolled me into position on my stomach. I just remember snuggling in, with a smile on my face, as I watched him pick up the leather strap.  Yes, one might say there is something wrong with me, because, the thought of a good strapping, not only makes me smile, it makes me wet, very wet. If you are one of those people, you probably shouldn't be reading here.
The leather strap striking on my ass and back felt so good. I was soon arching up to meet the strikes. Moans escaping  me unnoticed and unthought-of.  Floating into the haze, that's what it feels like for me. Floating in a huge, fluffy cloud of energy, hyper focused, yet insulated. He's talking, I hear and feel every word, it adds a dynamic, that builds the energy like a physical caress.
The strap is still falling. He's leaning down, that voice, speaking directly into my ear. That deep voice, the authority of it washing over me, in combination with the physical actions, to render me incapable of speech. That is the down side of this mental connection, this place in my mind, that the physical actions take me too. It seems to sever my vocal cords from my brain.
He's asking questions of me, he is insisting on my verbal response. I struggle so with that verbal response. It's not because I don't want to, I just can't seem to form words when I'm in that headspace. Sometimes, if I try really hard, I can get a word or two out. What really helps me, is when he provides the words and I can parrot them. Sometimes, he does that for me and sometimes it leads to me actually being able to verbalize all by myself, without it pulling me out of that headspace.
It took a few times of his asking, but I did manage to get out a somewhat breathless, "yes." I don't think that was the response he was looking for, cause he didn't ask a yes/no question. But, it was the best I could do in that moment.  
He rolled me over to my back. He had some 69 in mind, Oh, goody, one of my most favorite things. Oral has always been a regular item on our sexual menu. When we are really in the groove, connecting on all cylinders, we can come simultaneously, which I find incredibly satisfying.
Unfortunately, that did not happen this time. No, this time, something distracted me. Something that pulled me so far out of sync, I couldn't get it back.  It wasn't his fault, it wasn't my fault either, other than the fact that, I'm the one with mother hearing.
Yep, one of the kids had come home. I heard the bedroom door across the hall. Poof, everything just shut down. I lost it, no wonderful, floaty place, no top of my head blowing off.  Nothing. No orgasm for me.
Musicman didn't hear the door and I don't think, even if he had, it would have mattered. He was pretty close to the point of no return by then anyway. At least one of us finished.
This so rarely happens to me, that I don't really handle it all that well. It does seem to have become a bit more common since we added D/s to the mix. But, it's also something I have been working very hard on, as it used to plunge me into a days long pit of despair.
That no longer happens. I have realized that it is just the build up of energy with no release that is so hard for me to handle.  So, now I just breathe, sometimes shed a tear or two, and then I find something to do to burn off the energy.  Due to the circumstances that caused the problem, the kids being home, I chose not to ask for more from Musicman. I'm sure he would  have obliged, but I just knew I wasn't gonna be able to get it back right then. Instead, I went down stairs and finished making my soup. The base I had set to simmer was ready anyway. Cheddar Bacon Potato, it was yummy.

Friday, January 10, 2014

FB Funnies

I'm not sure what it says about me that the kind of pages I follow on Facebook pop up the following pics, but, there you have it. I like sex, a whole bunch. I rarely share these to my FB timeline due to the fact that I have some young nephews that might see them along with work friends. I'm really not ready for the women I work with to see this side of me yet, so I thought I'd do a light, fluffy post and share them here. Enjoy.


In my opinion, the number one tenet of D/s, but that's just my opinion. What do you think?

Photo: True ;) ♥ ❥Scarlett
Ahhh, those dark fantasies we all have, whether we acknowledge them or not.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Spanking On His Mind

to continue from my previous post...

I lay waiting on the bed while Musicman showered. I knew he had playtime on his mind, I did too, only not in the same way. I was quite torn. Usually, I always look forward to playtime, sometimes a little nervously, but I look forward to it. This time, I was torn.

There was most definitely a part of me that was still miffed. Not with him, but with the situation. I did NOT want to play. Unusual for me, but, there was a part of me that did NOT want a spanking. We don't do punishment in any form, so that wasn't it.  I just needed a bit more time to move past everything. I just can't switch moods that fast like he can.

Then there was the part of me that did want to play, the part of me that knew that a good spanking would definitely put me in a better headspace. Those two parts of me had quite the argument amongst themselves while Musicman was showering. I was very tempted to tell him no, but I never do that. Mostly because I know that even if I'm not in the mood, if I go into it with an open mind, he will get me in the mood, usually rather quickly too.

So, that's what I tried to do. I was open to him and a spanking, but I wasn't enthusiastic about the  whole thing. I don't know if he was taking out some of his frustration, or if it just felt that way to me. He started with the magic paddle, which normally I love. This time, not so much. I do think part of the problem is that due to the recent dearth of spankings around here, I am finding the magic paddle a bit much to start with. My mixed emotions most definitely effected how I responded too. It plain hurt and not in the good way, I very quickly started to cry, very, very unusual for me. I have only cried once before from a spanking.

Musicman hates to see me cry and since crying is far from the normal reaction to a spanking for me, I think it threw him off a bit too. He stopped spanking, started rubbing my back and whispering into my ear. He was telling me what he had planned to do, something that, had I been in the right frame of mind I would have been quite willing to do. In that moment though, I just wasn't sure. In fact, in that moment, I had NO idea what I wanted or needed.

He continued to softly question me as to what I needed. I didn't know, and that's exactly what I told him. I told him he needed to decide what he wanted and just do it, cause all I could specifically say I wanted, was to not have to think. All I wanted was to be able to feel, just let go and feel all the glorious things that only he can make me feel. Just take me to that wonderful place where everything is positive and everything is safe, the place where worries don't exist, the outside world does not exist. Please...take me to that place.

He took me at my word and made a decision. He decided not to continue with the spanking.  I have no idea what would have happened if he had continued and I suppose we will never know. That's okay though, what he did decide to do took me to that wonderful place I so desperately wanted to go. He used one of our new toys, the g spot vibrator, accompanied by the stingy little flogger made from leather shoelaces.

He likes to challenge himself and see how many times he can make me orgasm. I never bother to count, cause I find it distracting, but he often likes too. It's not unusual for me to have dozens, each one taking me higher and higher, to that wonderful, floaty place. Each one more explosive and wilder than the last, until my body is limp and feels like liquid and I can no longer respond in any meaningful way.

He is on a mission to make me squirt.  He rung orgasm after orgasm after orgasm from me. I couldn't think, I couldn't worry, I couldn't remember where I was or that anyone or anything, other than he and I, existed. It was glorious and it was exactly what I needed at that moment. I haven't been able to squirt, yet. But it sure is a lot of fun trying. It may have started out a bit rocky, but we got our "epic".

from @[654290724597325:274:Queena] )R(

Monday, January 6, 2014

In With a Bang

The New Year started off with a bang, just not the kind of bang we would have liked. We had the flu bug in our house for the last week. First Musicman and then myself , down for the count for the majority of a week, ugh. I haven't been that ill in a long time. There were a few days that I seriously just wanted to crawl out of my skin, find a quiet corner and curl up and die.

We were finally starting to feel human again by this past weekend. It also happened to be a weekend that our daughter and her family would be away for the weekend. Our son had to work Saturday night, so private time here we come.

It should have been epic, it should have been a time to enjoy all the things we are unable to do with a house full of people. Things had not worked out the way I had wished for at Christmas. Oh well, shit happens, ya move on. But that also means it's been about a month now since we had "epic".

Musicman is a hardcore pessimist. He has a bad habit of focusing on all the negative things going on in our lives. When he is stressed things degenerate to the point that everything coming out of his mouth sounds like a complaint. I've been aware of this habit of his for some time. Heck, when he gets on a roll, a deaf and blind person wouldn't be able to miss it. Most of the time I can ignore it, but not this time, this time it was getting on my very last nerve.

Things quickly spiraled into a major argument. We rarely do that, but I just couldn't handle it anymore. It's unfortunate, but there are times when I am able to stay calm and discuss things with him rationally and he just doesn't hear me. Sometimes it not until I am pushed to the point of  becoming emotional and start raising my voice, for him to actually begin to hear me.  I don't enjoy being that way, but the only alternative, as I see it at the time, is a brick upside his head. Not something I would recommend.

I definitely got his attention, I made my point and said things he really needed to hear. It didn't last long and ended when he grabbed handfuls of  my hair while cupping his hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him and simply stated that we needed to stop fighting about this. We did stop and he went to take a shower. He had spanking, among other things, on his mind and I knew it.

to be continued...

We are currently experiencing the brunt of the blizzard that is sweeping across our country. Even for us, one of the snowiest cities in the country, it is brutal.  I thought a snow faerie would be appropriate to protect all of us being effected by the weather. Stay safe and warm everyone.