Sunday, September 30, 2012

Quite a Ride

I haven't been much in the mood for writing. When the thoughts swirl, the fingers go idle. That's probably a good thing. I subject the world to enough drivel, so when the fingers can't keep up with the thoughts, it's time to stop.

I could blame it on the hormones, or the full moon. I could blame it on the change of seasons. I'm a barefoot in the grass, sundress kinda girl. I much prefer ankle chains to socks, but sometimes life requires socks. So, at some point, I accept that it is what it is and breathe through it. That's what I've been doing.

I find that along with the socks, comes introspection, as well as a bit of melancholy. It's a reflective time of year for me. A time to look back, re-evaluate and plan for the next steps forward. It seems like spring would be better suited for that, but it doesn't work that way for me.

October is my time of birth, and subsequently seems like a time of rebirth for me also. It's also the month I started this blog. My place of refuge, my place of connection, my place of truth and understanding. It's been a dizzying ride so far, but I'm not ready to get off it yet.

I started this journey, not to find my submission, but, to find me. I don't know that I ever really have known me. Me, was someone that struggled from the beginning to survive. Me, was a woman who saw little in the way of choices, for a long time. Me, was someone who, miraculously, was given a second chance. A chance to do more then survive, I was given a chance to thrive.

I did thrive, for quite awhile. I worked hard, I played hard, I loved even harder. I made a wonderful, fulfilling life for myself, even though I still sometimes felt like I had little in the way of choices. I felt that I was making the best of the choices I did have. I still feel that way, like I made the best of choices, until I started to make bad choices.

I made bad choices because I no longer cared. I no longer cared about me, I no longer made the effort to seek out the choices. I accepted what was presented and I dealt with it as best I could. Until, I could no longer deal with my situation. A situation I put myself in by not seeing that I had choices.

I crashed and burned. There wasn't enough of me left to put back together, so, I started over. I looked for answers, I asked questions, I searched for me. I've begun to find me, but I rarely understand myself anymore. So I will continue to ask questions and look for the answers. The answers that will tell me who I am.

I've been following all the bloggers that have been doing the 30 days of submission questions. I've rarely commented, because they have touched me so deeply that any comment I might attempt to make would be a post in itself. Instead, I've read, I've absorbed, I've learned and grown.

Now it's my turn, my time to ask myself the hard questions. I'm hoping it will bring me understanding and acceptance. Understanding of myself. Acceptance of myself. Who, as a woman in today's world, am I? What is it that I really want? Can I really achieve true happiness again?  Can I sustain it and what does that look like?  Is it submission? What does that mean to me?

I don't currently know the answers to these questions, but I'm gonna give it my best effort. I hope understanding and acceptance follow. It should be quite the ride.

Friday, September 28, 2012

I Wish...

I wish...I was a rational woman.     
Is there such a thing?

I wish...hormones were optional.   
I would opt out.

I kink didn't confuse me so often. 
Does that happen to anyone else?

I wish...spankings were as normal as 3 meals a day.
If they were I might consider eating 3 meals a day.

I wish...I didn't have a multi track mind.
If I did it would be easy to choose the happy track.

I wish...Musicman could work 2 days week like I do.
Oh, the mischief I could get up to if he did.

I wish...I hadn't been so damaged when we first met.
Things would be so much easier if I hadn't been.

I wish...I was as able bodied as when I was young.
I'd try every wild position I could think of, and that's quite a few.

I wish...bondage cuffs came standard with the purchase of a bed frame.
Then I wouldn't have to try and choose a pair.

I wish...I really could fly.
I'd visit all my kinky friends.

I wish...I could live in subspace.
Negativity doesn't exist there.

It's been a tough, hormone driven, emotional week. I wish it was over.
Oh, it is.

I wish... for a wonderful weekend with lots of time to play.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Bang My Head

I'm not an easy woman to live with. I have very intense emotions, that I rarely try to tame. I have very high expectations of myself and others that I allow into my realm. If you want to be in my world you had better be very strong and you better be very, very sure you want to be there, or you won't survive.

I'm honest to a fault, if you disappoint me, you will know it. If once you know you have disappointed me and you continue on in the same vein, I will only tolerate that for so long. Then I will leave you behind.

I'm not afraid to be alone in this world. I've been alone before, with no one but myself to rely on. My hard edges have faded some, but they aren't gone. When my expectations aren't met, when I've been disappointed, I withdraw and the hard edges come back surprisingly easily.

I don't like myself when the hard edges come back, but they still fit. They still feel like something I can rely on.

It was a bit of a rough weekend. Musicman was tired. Musicman had other commitments. Musicman did not make spending time with me, interacting with me a priority. I don't like that. I understand it, I accept it, but I don't like it.

Just because I accept something doesn't mean I see that acceptance as a barrier. Acceptance is not an end point for me, it's a platform to begin from. It's a place for me to assess the situation, set goals, make a plan on how I'm going to achieve those goals.

I accept that I can't always be his first priority, so I set goals to change that situation. But I can't control him, I can't make him work within my plan. I accept that, and therein lies the danger. If I can't control him, if he won't work within my plan, I'm tempted to leave him behind.

If, out of an entire weekend's worth of minutes, all I get is 15 of those minutes, it's not enough. If, at some point he doesn't respond and make an effort to make me a priority, I'm done.  I will only bang my head against the wall for so long before I move on.

I've been banging my head against a wall for a few days now, and I'm about done. The hard edges have come back and they feel comfortable. If he can't or won't make being with me a priority, so be it. I'm not afraid to be alone.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Master's Bedroom

Did ya ever get something stuck in your head? Something that you try to ignore, but it won't go away.  So you decide to follow the thought and see where it leads.

I've had a thought like that plaguing me the last few days. It's a simple thought really. It's the master bedroom I've been thinking about. You wouldn't think that would be much of a thought. While I enjoy interior decorating and such, that's not what I write about. And that's not really the way my thoughts are turning.

Our master bedroom is the most common place we play, we've marked it off our list several times over. I'm sure that's why I'm thinking about it, I just don't see where that thought is going to take me. It won't go away, so I'm following it.

It takes me to time very early on in our relationship. A difficult time, marked by flashbacks of the abuse I endured. I don't remember much about those occurrences. They were sudden onset, they were violent on my part, they were scary.

He was always there, talking me through it, never letting me go. I vividly remember him saying, "there's no one here, just us, no one is allowed in here, I won't let them. It's just you, and me, no one else. No one else is allowed in here."  Those words, and others like it helped me through those times. The flashbacks eventually stopped.

But in those words lay my comfort, in those words, lay my salvation. In those words, he created my safe place. In those words, he created my master's bedroom. He created the one place in this world where I can truly be me. He created my place of rest. He created my place of joy. He created my master's bedroom.

The master bedroom is a place in my house. My master's bedroom is a place in my head. I much prefer my master's bedroom to anyplace else on earth. My master's bedroom is a place of peace and tranquility. My master's bedroom is a safe place, a place I can let go and play until my heart's content.

The master bedroom in my home is a place I share with my beloved Musicman, but he created a place for me that's even better. He created my master's bedroom, a place in mind where ugliness doesn't exist. He share's the master bedroom with me every night, and in so doing he feeds the energy that creates my master's bedroom.

They say that home is where the heart is. My home is in my master's bedroom and it always will be.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Subtle Dom

There are two types of leaders, those that lead and those that people want to follow.

I've heard this before, though most recently on this post by Kitty, on The Submissive Wife blogspot. Musicman is definitely the type of leader that people want to follow. I have no problems with this, as I'm pretty much the type that willingly follows when it comes to my interactions with him.  It has occurred to me that he is a very subtle leader. It's more about who he is then what he does.

Sometimes though, he can be a bit too subtle.  A prime example would have been last evening. We had some lovely playtime with the brush. We hadn't played with the brush in a while and it was a lot of fun. This encounter brings our count for the master bedroom up to 7.

I mentioned that to him afterwards along with the fact that we would be almost done with the September Spanking Challenge if we had done even half of these encounters in other rooms. He said I should have reminded him before hand and we could have done it in another room.

Okay, I get that I am usually the more adventurous one of us. I also get that I have a lot more time to think about this stuff. I get that even though he enjoys this lifestyle, it is essentially my thing. I'm the one that writes the blog, I'm the one that reads the blogs, I'm the one that buys the toys. It is, in effect, my hobby, he's just going along for the ride.

I don't have any real problems with that. I don't even have any problems with reminding him about the challenge or suggesting that we try a different location. I'm probably the most aggressive sub going and I have no problems with that. That's just the way I am and neither of us wants that to change.

But, it is kinda key that I have some idea what is going to occur if I am going to contribute. When we went upstairs to bed I had no idea he was planning on playing. All he said was, "I'm going upstairs, are you coming?" This is a usual exchange for us and I didn't think anything of it.  I had no idea we were going to play until he had the brush in his hand.

At that point, it's a little late to ask me to think of details such as crossing off rooms on a list for a challenge, or much of anything else for that matter. When implements get picked up by him, focus and intelligent thought leave the room for me.

In conversation afterwards it became apparent that when he said he was going upstairs, I was supposed to have heard something different. I was supposed to have heard, "I want to spank you, play with you and satisfy us both." Ummm...yeah, if I had heard that I might have thought to suggest marking off another room. Or, I might have run for the stairs in glee, probably knocking him out of the way in the process.

So, maybe he's a little too subtle sometimes, and maybe I need to learn to read his mind better. Maybe we aren't going to get all our rooms marked off by the end of the month to satisfy the challenge. I don't know, but I do know, we're having all kinds of fun figuring it out.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Dropping Through Space

I'm not even sure how to start this post. It's taken me over 48 hours to process everything and figure out exactly what happened. I had thought we were going to have a nice fire Saturday evening, maybe cross the garage off our list of rooms. That's not what happened.

What did happen was subspace. I love that place. I've learned a few things about subspace. I've learned I can't anticipate it or chase it, if I do it doesn't happen. I've learned to relax and just let it envelope me. I've learned the more I achieve it the easier it becomes to achieve it. I achieved it when we played Friday night with the magic paddle. I've learned that most Mondays, after a full weekend of play, sub drop is a definite possibility. I recognize that and have learned what to do to deal with it with some success.

What I didn't know is that at some point subspace can be achieved without pain. I didn't expect that, or the resultant sub drop that occurred almost immediately afterwards. It threw me for a bit of a loop, left me confused and cranky and wondering what the heck was going on.

It all started Saturday night, Musicman did something I didn't really expect, something usually I can't tolerate and squirm away from. Usually when I start to squirm away from him he backs off. This time though, when I started to squirm, he didn't back off. Instead, he clapped a hand on my thigh and firmly held me in place as he increased the intensity.

I was starting to panic, but the minute he clamped his hand on me, was like a brand on my soul. My mind flooded with millions of thoughts in an instant. Thoughts of fighting it, thoughts of I have to get away, I can't handle this intensity.  But, my body instinctually accepted what my mind hadn't conceived of yet. I barrelled right into subspace, and it was intense. More intense then it's ever been before.

For me subspace is a world of juxtapositions. It's cozy and comforting and lazy free wheeling through the clouds. Flying free of my body, all alone in the quietness. It's stark white, almost a total abscence of color. It's crisp and sharp, emotions swirling and bursting in the most vibrant of hues. I'm never alone there, he's always right there with me. Anchoring me, guiding me, pushing me higher and higher. Catching all the pieces as I explode over and over with every peak reached. It's confusing, but for some reason I can't explain, I don't try to understand it, I just accept it and revel in it.

I don't know how long he kept me there that night, but it seemed like forever. It seemed like I was never coming back to earth, or my body. My body, which was totally in his control at that moment, his to do whatever he wanted with. Good thing he reads me so well, cause if he had kept me there much longer I think I would have passed out. The intensity of what he was doing is something I can't remember ever experiencing before.

When he stopped, he curled me up in his arms, rubbing my back, waiting for me to calm some. For my part, I clung to him for dear life, wanting and needing to be closer to him. If I could have figured out how to climb in his skin with him I would have. Since I couldn't I just laid there, on his chest, purring. Yes, I said purring. Musicman thinks it's funny when I do that, make that sound that seems to be a purr. I can't help it, it just kind of happens. Breathing isn't enough, but nothing else is possible, so it comes out sounding like a cat purring.

He continued to hold me and rub my back, talking quietly, soothing me, until the purring subsided. Then it was on to bigger and better for things for him. I needed no coercing to do as he asked, at that point I would have done anything he told me to do without question. Kinda a scary thought that, but I trust him, so I'm not too worried about that.

Both satisfied, he soon fell asleep, and I was well on my way to sleeping too. Then it hit me, I became very anxious and afraid, confusion overwhelmed me. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't like it. I did eventually fall asleep, but I slept badly and woke in a foul mood. It did occur to me that I was experiencing sub drop, but I wasn't really able to verbalize that. Instead, I snapped at him every time he asked me a question.

I was able to say that I just couldn't answer his questions or make any decisions at that time. Though I couldn't really explain why, it just seemed beyond my abilities at that time. These were not life shattering questions or decisions and should have been quite easy for me, but it wasn't happening. I was very relieved and started to calm when he stepped in and made the decisions.

We had a quiet day in the counrtyside, enjoying the sunshine and the warmth of the dwindling summer. It also featured a nap for me later in the afternoon. That alone is an indication of how out of it I was. Despite the fact that I often sleep poorly, I never nap.

I learned one last thing about subspace and sub drop this weekend. I learned taking me back to subspace effectively rids me of subdrop. He did that by way of the leather paddle Sunday evening.  We played in the living room so another room crossed off the list.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Oh...What a Week!!

Oh my goodness, the week from hell has finally ended. There were times I thought it would never end. I knew it was gonna be a challenge with working so many hours, I just didn't figure on all the other crap happening. The death in the family, the anniversary of another death in the family and the anniversary of 9/11, all before mid week. No time to write anything at all, or visit with all of you, left me struggling by Wednesday morning. I cheated just a tad and wrote my last post last weekend and waited to publish it.

Wednesday evening brought some sweet relief, in the form of some much needed playtime with the leather paddle.  Wish I could say we crossed another room off our list, but unless I count the master bedroom we didn't. Guess I'll just have to settle for the all over body limpness brought on by multiple mind blowing orgasms. Hey, it works for me.

We fell asleep curled in each others arms, satisfied and grateful to be that much closer to the end of a long week. The feelings of contentment didn't last though. They exploded with the ringing of the phone at slightly past 1:00 a.m. I don't know about anyone else, but when my phone rings at that hour, it's never good news.  It wasn't, and while I'm gonna skip the details, it led to a very long night and no sleep for me before work the next day. Sigh.

Thursday came and went in a blur of sleepiness for both of us. The fact that we both drove our cars to and from work in that condition was probably not the smartest thing we ever did, but, thanks to some alert guardian angels we made it through the day unscathed. At least, I think we did.

Friday found me energized and ready to get it over and done with. I barreled through work with the determination of a woman on a mission. We had a nice quiet evening together that included some time chatting with a blogger friend. She cracked me up repeatedly with her wit and managed to finally wipe the remnants of the last week from my consciousness. Thank you for that my friend.

From the conversation we had, I don't believe play time was on her agenda last night. I didn't think it was on mine either. I thought wrong, apparently it was on his agenda. He didn't say a thing all evening to indicate that it was. We turned in at a decent hour knowing we had a busy day of catching up on home things to be done today.

We had just been discussing Wednesday night the fact that I have come to love the leather paddle. I let him know then, that while I do love it, I miss the magic paddle sometimes. I was all snuggled up under the comforter when he joined me. He stripped that comforter off me and flipped me over so quick my head spun. Since we neither one wear any kind of sleepwear, dealing with clothes was a non issue.

I don't miss the magic paddle any more as that was his weapon of choice last night. And, oh, what a lovely weapon it is. I'm still feeling the effects some today.  Bad week last week you say? What bad week, is what I'm saying.

We still haven't managed to cross another room off our list, but the running tally for the master bedroom currently sits at 5 times to date. The weather has gotten considerably cooler and Musicman mentioned maybe having a fire tonight. I think that sounds like a wonderful idea, maybe we could end the evening crossing off the garage from our list. I really, really wanna play on his motorcycle, which is conveniently parked in the middle of the garage. Here's hoping.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I need your help...Come take my poll and help a girl out

I love getting the edenfantasys newsletter emails every couple days. I've tried, with no success, to get Musicman to take me to an actual brick and mortar sex toy shop. He won't do it.  He doesn't care what toys I buy, but he isn't going into one of those shops, just not his thing I guess. Since I found edenfantasys and every purchase from them has gone well, I will continue to use them. I've been scammed a few times in the past and am not very trusting of purchasing things online. They have been a pleasure to deal with, so for the moment, they fit the bill for me.

They have a lot of choices and so far I have loved everything I have gotten. But, I now find myself in a bit of a dilemma. Having never really played much with toys in the past, we had nothing, so my first obvious choices were things that I really, really wanted. Things I felt I just had to have. They've been great choices so far, though we still don't always use them as much as I would like. I think it's kinda a learning curve for us. We went so many years without using toys that it is not a natural inclination to reach for them. When we use what we have it's tons of fun, we just don't think of it all that often. Ehh..something for us to work on, as I see it anyway.

Here's my dilemma, I have two things I'm interested in. I can't make up my mind which one I want next. I could, of course, get both. But that doesn't seem like the best approach for me. I think one new toy at a time is enough of a challenge for us at this point. I don't want to be overwhelmed by a bunch of toys we don't use all that much.

I thought maybe you could help me decide. I thought I would share what I'm interested in and then I would put up a poll. You can cast a vote for what you think I should get, or leave a comment, or both. Whatever tickles your fancy.

So, here is the first thing I'm considering:

Fashionistas small bunny tail butt plug - Butt plug
Here's the link with the info about it.

It's a glass butt plug. I don't have a plug and would like to get one, but there are so many to choose from. This one has features I really like, and features I don't like. First of all, it's glass, I love my glass dildo, so that is appealing. Also, it has faeries etched on it. Yeah...sounds like it was made for me, doesn't it? As I said though, there are features I don't like. It has a fluffy bunny tail on it. Cute, but so not interested in that.  When I showed it to Musicman he suggested I get it and remove the fluffy tail. I could do that, but I'm just not sure.

I'm not sure, cause something else has caught my eye.  I have kinda fallen in love with the idea of getting some cuffs. I'm blaming that on Jake, if he didn't post such salacious posts as this one, or this one I probably wouldn't want them so much. They are positively drool worthy posts.

I've been looking at the selection of cuffs for a while. I like the looks of several pairs, but, since I've never used any I'm not too sure which ones I should try. I love the look of this pair.
Inked restraints tattoo wrist cuffs - Wrist cuffsI'm drawn to the fact that they have "tattoos" on them. I have quite a bit of my own real ink and always love the look. I just don't know how comfortable or sturdy they might be. I don't want to be drawn in by the pretty pictures. That happens sometimes.

So, I also have considered a pair like these.
Plushy gear wrist cuffs - Wrist cuffsThey're not very pretty to look at, but they do seem sturdy and maybe more comfortable than leather. The product reviews say they are a good starter set, so maybe I should get those. Bonus, they have a matching pair of ankle cuffs available should I decide I want to get them too at some point. I'm not too sure about ankle cuffs, simply because we have a water bed. Fastening anything to a water bed is darn near impossible, unless we put some eye hooks in the wooden frame. 

Then there is this pair.

Tantric satin ties wrist cuffs - Wrist cuffsI just flat out like the way they look, they're pretty, that appeals to me, in a big way. They also have matching ankle cuffs available. I just don't know how sturdy they would be. And again, I don't want to be persuaded just by the look. Pretty, shiny things entrance me, but it doesn't mean they are my best bet or that I should put forth my hard earned money to buy them.

I just don't know what I should get. The more I look at them and the more I think about it the more indecisive I become. That's where you come in my friends. Cast your vote on the poll, or leave me a comment. Share your experiences with me, educate me, help me make a decision. Do I go for the butt plug, or do I get a pair of cuffs? Which pair of cuffs would you choose? Should I succumb to the butt plug with faeries etched on it or would you recommend a different one? Help! Please!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Meltdown in the Making

Musicman often tells me I portray him as perfect when I write about him here. Let me assure you he is not perfect. In case any of you thought he was, I doubt you will after reading this post. It's gonna be a rant and most likely unpleasant, so feel free to skip it. I won't be offended in the slightest.

Musicman woke up yesterday in a pissy ass mood. Yes, when I'm annoyed my language degenerates to that of a long shore man. You've been warned. We left the house early to do errands, he complained incessantly about every perceived minuscule inconvenience. Other then that though, he had nothing to say to me. He gets like this sometimes and I do my best to help him get through it. When that fails, I ignore it. But all that negativity he spews does a number on me, I just can't handle it.

When we got home I started cleaning and cooking. I even baked brownies for him in an effort cheer him up. He took a 4 hour nap. I used to resent the fact that he required so much more sleep then me, cause that takes up time we could be doing something together. I learned along time ago though, that letting him sleep is the best thing. Sometimes he wakes up in a better mood, that's what I was hoping for this time. No such luck.

He continued to say nothing to me or even notice I was in the room, unless, he felt the need to complain about something. I wouldn't mind his complaining so much if he actually had something to complain about. He didn't, he just complained about every trivial little thing. Complained just to hear himself complain I think.

By 10 last night I had reached my breaking point with it all. However, since I had already been trying all day long to push him out of this mood, I just gave up. We sat in silence, except for his occasional complaining until midnight. That's when I went to bed, alone. I'm not used to going to bed alone and I slept very badly, waking often and having nightmares when I did sleep.

Needless to say, that doesn't make for a pleasant faerie today. He seemed surprised today when he got up and I was not my usual pleasant self, happy to see him. When he questioned me about it, I told him how he acted yesterday and how it affected me. He apologized, but apparently I wasn't ready to hear it. I busied myself with more housework and laundry.

Things might have gone better and I might have been able to work the mad out of my system except, my washer broke. Now, I'm seriously stressed.  I have a full week of work ahead of me and no clean uniforms to wear. I asked Musicman to look at it and he made one comment, just one. That comment was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I yelled, I screamed, I stomped around the house and generally acted like a 2 year old having a tantrum. I loaded up the laundry and left to go to the laundromat. Unfortunately, just a few blocks from the house I realized I had forgotten the detergent and fabric softener, back home I went. More stomping and foulness ensued. When I'm on a tear, any smart person will get out of my way. Musicman may not be perfect, but he's plenty smart, he got out of my way.

The angrier I get, the more he backs off and leaves me be. The more he backs off and leaves me be the angrier I get. I'm really not sure what it is I want him to do. I sure wouldn't mess with me when I am like this. Which, just for the record is pretty rare for me. But, I have realized I want him to do something, anything, but what he does do, which is nothing.

So after a crappy week last week, we started out the weekend good, but it didn't last. It's been a pretty crappy weekend too. I have another long week of work next week, which starts with funeral services to attend tomorrow night after work. Oh joy, just what I want to do.

At this point, nothing has been resolved between us and silence reigns supreme here in the faerie/Musicman household. If you have read this far I apologize for being such a debbie downer, but it is helping me calm some to get it out. Maybe we will be able to fix the situation before it carries over into next week.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

A Life Affirming Event

It's been a roller coaster of a week.  Extra hours at work for me and a dental procedure gone wrong made me very happy to see the end of the day yesterday. Unfortunately, I came home to find a message on the answering machine informing us of a death in Musicman's family. It certainly seems like the universe is conspiring against right now.

We've experienced a lot of loss over the years. I wear an entire constellation of stars on my chest that represent just some of the family members we have buried over the years. Right from the beginning we have always turned to each other during these times and come together to reaffirm life. It was just such an encounter that resulted in my last pregnancy and the consequent birth of my son. I can no longer get pregnant, but we still come together and reaffirm life.

Musicman said he was too tired to draw a room from the slips of paper I made, so we played in the master bedroom instead. I think I may wait to the end to claim the master bedroom officially. We plan to do at least one other room this weekend, so I think I will wait and keep track of how many times we play in the master bedroom over the course of the month and just list the number of times at the end of the month.

Musicman was sitting on the edge of the bed with me standing in front of him, he had the leather paddle within reach. I'm such a wanton slut, he tugs at my dress and I immediately remove it. He picked up the paddle and told me to spread my legs, which of course, I did. He started in swatting the lady parts and I began to melt. In an effort to stay at least partially upright and on my feet, I reached down and braced hands on his legs. This position conveniently positioned my breasts right at eye level for him. He continued swatting with one hand and started in pinching and pulling at my nipples with the other. He soon began to swat and spank my breasts too.

The sting was building quite nicely on my breasts and pussy and I began to have more difficulty staying upright. Musicman stood up and pulled me into his arms and started applying the paddle to my backside. By then I wasn't able to stand upright without his support, and that was just the warm up. He soon positioned me standing, bent over at the front of the lounge.

Then he started to really apply the paddle, fast and furious, to my backside. He didn't stop until I had my first orgasm, which came pretty quickly. Then he told me to spread my legs again. He spanked my pussy, again, fast and furious until I came. There was no hope of me remaining on my feet at that point, so he dropped the paddle and grabbed my hips. He held me up as he entered me from behind. I came twice more before I just had to collapse on the lounge.

Sitting on the lounge with him still standing where he had been put his beautiful cock at mouth level for me. I didn't even think, I just reached out and grabbed him to pull him in closer. I wanted to taste him so badly at that point, but all I tasted were my own juices dripping off him. I have no problems with that and it didn't slow me down a bit. If anything it may have inspired me to work harder at making him cum, cause while I don't mind the taste of own juices, it's his I crave.

Success was achieved in short order, I lapped up all the cum I could reach. Some of it I couldn't, cause my tongue is not long enough to reach my eyebrows or my ears. Instead I just rubbed it in and call it my favorite face cream. I'm not officially claiming this room yet. It's going to be cold and rainy here this weekend. That leaves us with plenty of time to play. I'm listing last evening as a life affirming event and moving on.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

CWS Challenge - What I'm Thinking

Spanky recently issued a challenge to write 55 words on what we are thinking about just prior to giving a blow job. I seem to be in the mood for challenges this month so I thought I'd give it a go. And, I wouldn't want him to revoke my membership in the CWS.

I didn't really know what I thought about just prior to giving a blow job.

So, I set about to do some research.

Which set me to thinking.

That I needed to do some more research.

What I finally figured out in all that is, I can't really write about what I'm thinking about, unless I first identify the different types of blow job. Some people have different types of spankings, we don't. We just have the one kind, but we do have different kinds of blow jobs. I never really went as far as naming them before, so bare with me here.

The bedtime blow job - This is the blow job I employ when Musicman has had a long hard day at work. He's exhausted and distracted, mildly agitated even, not usually with me, but just life in general maybe. He's most likely being very non communicative. If he falls asleep in that mood he will sleep badly, which could include walking, talking and possibly unintentional injury, to either, or both of us.

What I am thinking about just prior to the bedtime blow job is basically all about the mechanics of the act. What can I do, that is going to make him feel the best?  I want to give him a great orgasm because then he will relax and sleep well and hopefully have a better day tomorrow. I'm not going to bother and mention specifics here, cause one thing I know for a fact is that every man is different. With the bedtime blow job there is no expectation of active participation on his part. All he has to do is not fall asleep until I'm done. He hasn't yet. Thirty seconds after I'm done? Yeah, but that's the point.

The lazy day blow job - This isn't purely a blow job, it's 69. It's one of my favorites and is good for when we are both tired or time may be limited for some reason. Kind of the ultimate in multi-tasking, I can cum several times in a short amount of time while also getting him off.

What I'm usually thinking about just prior to 69 is usually something along the lines of, Mmmmm....this is gonna be sooooo good, and remember not to bite. Yep, that would be the one thing I want to really remember in those moments. Don't bite. It hasn't happened yet.

There are reconnection blow jobs. I wrote about those in this post just last week.

And then there are the after spanking blow jobs. That one is pretty self explanatory. Musicman does not require me to give him a blow job after he spanks me. Doesn't really matter though, cause unless he says no, he's getting one. It has almost become a primal instinct for me. I want him, now, in my mouth. It is an evolving need that I have noticed is becoming stronger with each episode.

As for what I'm thinking prior to that? Not a damn thing.  At those moments, when I'm flying free of my body, floating through the fluffy whiteness that explodes into the most brilliant colors I've experienced, thought, does not exist.

I may have missed some, but I think those are the basics for us. I also think it might be more then 55 words, but I think it answers the challenge adequately.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Burning My Butt - Room One

Yesterday was a hot, humid day that just about drained all our energy.  As night fell the temp dropped to cool and comfortable. Musicman suggested we sit outside and have a fire for the evening. We enjoy having fires, but it has been way too hot this summer to have any, so I was up for it. Since Musicman hadn't been feeling too well earlier I didn't think anything much would occur. Oh how wrong I was.

I was comfortably ensconced on the redwood love seat just drifting away, watching the flames and listening to the music softly playing in the background. I didn't think much of it when Musicman left the area for a minute. I thought he was going to get more firewood, or maybe in to get something to drink or some such.

When he came back however, he did not have firewood or a drink. He had the wooden spoon and a scarf. I knew what the spoon was for, but not the scarf. He sat next to me and started playing with the spoon, twirling it around his fingers, occasionally slipping it down the front of my shirt to cup a breast with it. He said he chose the spoon because it is the quietest. Good to know he is thinking about these sort of things. I still didn't know what the scarf was for, and I didn't ask.

As it turns out, I didn't have to ask, he told me what it was for. It was to be used as a gag. Oh, that made sense, I freely admit, I have NO volume control. While our pool area is virtually visually private, we are in the middle of a city and sound carries. I really don't need the neighbors calling the police to say my husband is beating me. With my luck, it would be a cop we know that showed up. How embarrassing would that be to try to explain?

We've never used a gag before, and it was a bit hard to manage tying it on with all my hair in the way. It struck me while I was working to get it tied how bizarre my life is. Just an ordinary middle aged woman, sitting with her husband by a fire, tying on a gag so she won't alarm the neighbors when she gets spanked. Bizarre.

The whole time I had been working to get the gag tied on he had continued to play with that spoon down my shirt. The wood actually felt kinda nice, smooth and yet cool cupping my breasts. Hmmm...who knew? I soon found myself kneeling on the seat of the love seat, bending over the back of it with my skirt raised.

When he set about warming my backside with the business end of that spoon I was very grateful he had thought to bring a gag. I could scream and moan to my hearts content and no one but us was any the wiser. I've said before, I don't hold still when he spanks me. I squirm and move quite a bit, not in an effort to get away.  Just squirming in pleasure, and maybe attempting to get closer to him. My squirming this time caused a spring in the love seat to pop free. We both heard it, but no real damage done, so on we went.

In anticipation of spending some time after on my knees we had strategically placed the kneeling mat close by. I soon found myself on the mat kneeling between his legs with his beautiful cock in my mouth. The mat made it quite comfortable for my knees, but the fire glowing on my already warm backside was intense. Guess we maybe should have anticipated that and set the love seat a bit further back from the fire. It wasn't too intense so I didn't stop until the requirements of the challenge were complete. Room one - done.

Round two involved the flogger in the master bedroom and orgasms for both of us. But I don't think I am gonna count that room as complete. Two in one evening sounds excessive, doesn't it? Besides, we still have a whole month ahead of us.

As I sit here typing this, our new neighbors are moving in right next door. The house has been empty for over a year. Good timing on our part to do the pool area last night as there is one window in that house that gives them a good view of our pool, should they be inclined to look.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

A Spanking Good September

We are having a lovely long weekend together. I always hate to see the weekends end, but this one is going to be particularly difficult. I will be working full time for the next two weeks filling in for a vacationing job share partner. The job isn't hard, I just got spoiled and don't really like having to get up and get moving so early everyday. It's so much nicer to lay naked in our bed watching Musicman get ready for work then to have to get up and be functional myself. I did say I was spoiled, did I not?

One of the things I usually dread about working so many hours is that it takes me far away from the submissive head space I find so enjoyable. I had been trying to think of a way to stay connected during the next two weeks, but wasn't too inspired with anything. Fellow bloggers to the rescue.

Jake at leathercuffsandsilkenbonds, proposed a challenge. You can click the link for the details, but in essence it is a challenge to receive a spanking in each room of the house. To complete each room a serious spanking, not just a few swats, and an orgasm for the spankee, must occur. Spankings and blow jobs? Oh, I'm so in.

So I sent Musicman and email with the details of the challenge. I also told him I thought it would be a great way to help maintain the connection while we are both working full time hours the next two weeks. His response was, "what room do you want to start with?"

Hmmm....what room to start with? I don't know, so I told him I was would make slips of paper with each room written on it. Kinda like pulling a name out of a hat, but it ain't names we are gonna be pulling. Heeheeheee.

Here are the rooms we have:

Kitchen - for some weird reason I have always wanted to be spanked in the
                 kitchen, go figure
Living Room
Dining Room - we have a lovely wood table, that I happen to know is strong
                          enough to support such shenanigans
Staircase - it has a landing half way up that should work nicely
Bathroom - oooh, wet bottom spankings are stingy
Empty Bedroom  - it's been waiting for a make over for awhile and currently
                               has workout equipment in it. A spanking on the
                               large exercise ball sounds more doable then on the
                               treadmill, though it might inspire me to get on the treadmill
                               more if we did that.
Master Bedroom - that's where we usually play, but I don't want it to feel
                               left out or neglected.

I took a pass on my son's room. He is not currently living with us, but all his stuff is still in there and I just can't wrap my head around that one. I did propose since we have 7 rooms that we could also do the garage or the pool area. That would make a nice even 8 rooms, or two a week. I've always wanted to play on his motorcycle, even wrote a Friday Fantasy story about it once for PK.  So I'm voting for the garage, though we could do both and call the pool area a bonus. 

It just occurred to me as I was writing this, do walk-in closets count as a room? If so I guess that would bring us up to 10 rooms with no bonus for the pool area.

Spanky also has a challenge listed for September for the CWS. Since I'm a proud member of the CWS and it happens to coincide quite nicely with Jake's challenge, I'm gonna go for that one too.

All of a sudden, September and two weeks of full time hours at work isn't sounding so bad.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Just Another Friday Night

A wonderful spanking with the magic paddle followed the reconnection activities I wrote about in my last post, but I didn't share the details. Selfish of me, I know. It was lovely but not my focus at the moment. Since I'm a sharing kinda girl, I'll share my most recent spanking.

The heat has returned here, with temps in the high 80's, so we decided to relax and watch some TV in the airconditioning. We rarely turn on the airconditioning throughout our home cause I have very sensitive sinuses and it gives me terrible headaches. We do however, usually have the air going in the bedroom so we can sleep comfortably.

Musicman was sitting on the lounge and I was reclining on the bed, just relaxing and talking about our day. I got up to use the bathroom which is directly outside our bedroom. While I was in there I started hearing slapping noises coming from the bedroom. Musicman had picked up the leather bitch paddle and was slapping his thigh with it, loudly.

The sound alone was enough to get my blood running. I have to walk past where he was sitting to get back to the bed, I didn't make it. He grabbed me and pulled me in to stand between his legs, then he twirled me around and told me to sit. So, I sat. That's what all obedient subs would do right?

In the blink of an eye he had the top of my dress pulled down and that lovely paddle back in his hand. Swat, swat, swat, swat, first one breast then the other. I grabbed onto his legs, which were positioned one on either side of my legs and let my head fall back against his shoulder. Swat, swat, swat, swat, mmmmm....have I mentioned I'm really starting to love that paddle?

I was already wet when he pulled my dress up and spread my legs wide. Swat, swat, swat, swat to the lady parts. I closed my eyes and snuggled in closer to his neck,  revelling in the feel of the leather as he moved back and forth between my breasts and my pussy. We've yet to use a blindfold, but it really isn't necessary as I usually always close my eyes when he is spanking me. I love the anticipation of the next blow and not knowing where it will connect just adds to the excitement.

I have no idea how long this went on as I was a melting further and further into a giant puddle with each blow. With my breasts and pussy sufficiently warmed up he stopped and stood me up. He propelled me forward a couple steps and bent me over the side of the bed. We have a water bed, so kneeling bent over the edge is not comfortable. I was standing, bent over, hanging on to the wood frame of the bed.

He flipped up the back of my dress and started in again with the paddle. He is getting used to the force needed with the new paddle and let me tell you, he got it just right last night. It didn't take long for my butt to become as warm as the other parts that had previously met with the paddle. But he wasn't done yet, he told me to spread my legs, he wanted to see my pussy. So, I did. That's what all obedient subs would do, right?

Swat, swat, swat to my butt, swat, swat, swat to my pussy. Oh yeah, I'm really lovin' that leather paddle. He continued on in this manner until he had worked me into quite the frenzy. When he stopped, I turned around and sunk to the floor. I wanted him. I wanted him in my mouth, now. I would have kneeled as that position is ideal for what I wanted, but I have a bum knee and don't kneel easily. I was not thinking clearly enough to retrieve my kneeling pillow, so I just sat down.

I'm a tall lady, with just a bit of a stretch I can easily reach my goal, his lovely cock. There's something about spanking followed by a blowjob that I find very comforting and fulfilling. Since Musicman always says he just wants me to be happy  he was nice enough to oblige my particular want in that moment.

I've noticed since we have started TTWD that I have become more aggressive about initiating intimate encounters. He may have initiated round one, but, a bit later, it was all me when we went for round two.

It was a lovely way to start a 3 day weekend. Now, I'm off to the grocery store to get stocked up for the weekend.  Musicman is at work and should be home around lunch, it would be nice if I had something to feed him when he gets here.