Saturday, June 29, 2013

Some Rules Weren't Meant To Be Broken

My Mother enjoys telling people that I have thought rules were made to be broken since I was 2 years old. She is very much right about that. I am not the type of person that accepts authority without question. I question everything and everyone.

I have had trust issues my whole life, I often listen to opinions and then ignore them in favor of my own gut intuition. That has served me well over the years, though it always confuses those around me.

It confuses them because they have observed me, clearly an Alpha female, defer to Musicman without question every time. What they don't understand is that I follow his rules because I trust him. I don't blindly trust him, or at least I didn't at the beginning.

At the beginning there were very clear rules. Things he would and would not accept as far as my behavior was concerned. I did not submit to these rules just because he required them. I submitted because there was something for me to gain, or benefit from, by following his rules. My life has always been so much richer and satisfying because I have followed his rules.

I will, within the next few days, break one of his first and foremost rules. I have his express permission to do it too. Yet, while I know I must, I don't really want to do it.

I don't want to do it for a couple reasons. One reason is that I have followed this rule for so long, it has become second nature to me. It's not just something I don't do because he doesn't want me too. I don't do it because it's important to him that I behave in this manner. That fact makes it important to me.

Another reason I don't want to do it is because I will lose the benefits I receive, by following this rule, if only temporarily. There will be no backlash, no consequences of breaking this rule. He has not only given permission, but it was at his suggestion that I now break this rule. That doesn't make me feel any better about the situation.

He has done this because, in this circumstance, it's what is best for me.

You may be wondering what this rule I'm about to break is. It's really always been an easy one for me. It is: I always sleep in his bed, every night, no exceptions.

Yes, of course, there have been a few exceptions over the years. That would be when one or the other of us has been hospitalized and they've kicked us out, cause under those circumstances, we never leave willingly. The only other times have been once to travel south for a relative's funeral, and once for work. The nights we've actually been apart, due to travel, can be counted on one hand.

Now, I am facing almost that much time apart from him again and I don't really want to do it. I want and need him to be by my side, to bolster me and hold me up, cause I know this is going to be tough. I know he would, if he could, be he can't. So, I will face this journey without him by my side. I'm not sure I know how to do that any longer.

I won't be totally alone, I will be in good hands. I will be travelling with my brother and his wife. We are going to visit our other brother, the baby of the family. We are going to say goodbye. It is time, he is losing his battle with cancer and has very little time left.

I'm so happy to have this last time to see him, to be blessed enough to spend some time with him and tell him again how much I love him. I'm dreading seeing him so ill and emaciated, his wife so exhausted and alone, facing a future I can't even conceive of.

I don't know how I will find the right words, but I have faith that I can dig deep and find what ever needs to be said. But in those immediate moments of doubt and pain, I won't have Musicman to turn to, too find my strength. I'm not at all confident that I can do that. But, I will try.

Some rules weren't meant to be broken, this is one of them.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

A Moment of Comfort, in an Otherwise Long week

I love my new job. It's everything I've spent the last 2 years searching for. The clients are delightful, though challenging. The staff is exceptional and execute a very well structured and informed program, on a daily basis.

They run me ragged and I'm often physically exhausted at the end of the day. Yet it is so rewarding to fit in some place and have my experience and knowledge respected. To know, I'm making a difference, making someone's life better, it's kind of exhilarating.

Yes, I'm exhausted, but I'm genuinely happy and professionally fulfilled, at last.

The energy is very pure and runs high. I am a person who absorbs energy and am often over stimulated at the end of the day. Poor Musicman, he comes home after a long day and I have diarrhea of the mouth. I need some place to pour all that energy I've absorbed throughout the day, and he's it.

It's been a long week for me, working everyday, which I usually don't do. It's been a long week for Musicman, travelling for work several days this week. On days he travels, he has to get up and get on the road before the butt crack of dawn. It adds several hours onto his day.

I hate when he travels, I worry way more than I probably should. I try not to, but it just seems to be who I am, I can't help but worry until he's back home.

I know he's tired when he travels several days in a row. I want to do whatever I can to give him some relief. I like to make sure he is relaxed and sleeps well. Cause, if he sleeps well, he will be more alert and safer when he is on the road. At least that's what I tell myself when I start to worry.

So, I offered a blowjob. That always relaxes him, then he sleeps well. He was so tired, he fell asleep before anything happened. It would have been so easy to bow out, but I wanted the connection. I needed the connection.

He softly snored, as I curled up with my head on his thigh and started to gently lick. Just feather light strokes at first. Up one side, over the top and down the other side. Occasionally taking him all the way in, as he grew in my throat. Hands cupping and oh so gently, kneading his balls. Just leisurely exploring, tasting and experiencing the phenomenon that is my man.

He soon woke up.

Things became a bit more heated, a bit more intense.

He did his Dom thing.

I melted immediately.

I'm still amazed that just simple words, though so authoritatively said, can move me to such an incredibly wondrous place.

I soon tasted the rewards of my efforts, but, I wanted more.

I snuggled in, his spent, semi flaccid cock in my mouth. I didn't want to let him go, so I didn't and he didn't make me. That's kinda unusual for him. He's usually very sensitive and doesn't allow me to linger. I don't much care for that, but it's not my call.

I don't know what was different this time, but he let me linger. He let me curl up on his thigh and suckle on him, almost like a baby with a pacifier. I can honestly say, I never before considered doing this, but it seemed so natural and so comforting.

As we lay there, I started to audibly purr around him in my mouth . He was so relaxed, contented, gently breathing. The energy between us, flowing so easily, yet, intensely.

I vaguely heard him tell me he was going to fall asleep with his dick in my mouth. That just elicited a bit louder purring sound from me. I was so content to be exactly where I was, easily snuggled up between his legs, his lovely cock in my mouth.

We fell asleep that way, and slept a good part of the night in that position.

This has never happened for me before, but I truly hope it happens again and happens often. Comforting. That's all I really remember feeling. I think I might already be addicted, I want to feel it again, soon.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Dear Musicman

Dear Musicman,

Twenty seven years ago today, my life changed, because you gave me your name. You gave me an identity, that for the first time in my life, I was proud of. Twenty seven years ago today, I became your wife.

From the moment you walked into my life and refused to accept no for an answer, I knew my life was taking a turn around a curve I hadn't seen coming. In retrospect, it's a good thing I didn't see it coming. The woman I was then, would have run, far and fast and never slowed down to look back at what she was missing.

I think back and remember how strong you were even then. You knew exactly what you wanted and you weren't afraid to go after it. It is my good fortune, that what you wanted was me, quirks and all. I remember that you were never afraid to take on the important discussions: divorce was not an option, living in a passionless relationship was not an option, disrespecting you was not an option. You were very clear about those things right from the beginning, even when I railed against hearing them, you did not relent.

You never used the words dominance, submission, or obedience, yet that is exactly what your actions evoked. Those are the words that embody and define our relationship. I would also include the words, love, passion, respect and teamwork. WE are an awesome team, that fact, always makes me smile.

I'm so grateful that you believed in our love, even when I initially doubted. I'm so grateful you never waivered when I behaved in less than stellar ways. Right from the beginning, you set about to teach me how to be the best woman I could be. The woman you understood was trapped within me. Time, love and your unrelenting guidance have freed her.

That has resulted in the beautiful life we have built together over the years. It was a life I so desperately desired, yet thought I was too damaged to ever achieve. We've met every challenge head on and conquered it, TOGETHER.

Our life together has not necessarily been an easy one. We've experienced more than our fair share of sorrow: deaths, illnesses, job losses, kid issues, extended family issues. And yet, I would say, our life together has been the most joyful thing I've ever experienced, because I've always had you at my side to face these challenges.

Together, we've met every challenge head on, always remembering the most important thing. Turn towards one another, not away. Together we are so much stronger, together we can face anything, and many times do it with a smile on our face.

We were so young, standing in front of that JP, with just a handful of friends to witness, yet, taking every single word of those vows to heart. An ignominious beginning to be sure. So happily moving into our first small apartment with barely enough hand me down furniture to adequately furnish it.

We've worked hard to build our life together. We own a lovely home, that was perfect for raising our children. We have the requisite picket fence and the dog to accompany those children. We will soon add a grandchild to the mix. I can't wait to see you holding your first grandchild, she's going to love you as much as I do, I just know it.

Over the intervening years you have cared for me, provided for me, supported every hair brained notion I could dream up and always, you have loved me. You are my lover, you are my best friend, you are the Dom to my sub and I wouldn't change a minute of our years together.

My fondest hope is that we have 27 more years together, and then another 27 and another 27.  My most fervent prayer is that when the end comes, I die the day before you do because I don't want to live a day without you.

I love you my beloved Musicman, with every breath I take and nothing will ever change that.

Your little faerie.

Sunday, June 9, 2013


Summer is upon us.

It's been a mixed bag of weather. In the 90's for several days with 95% humidity. Sweltering, sweaty, can't breath kinda days. Then, over a matter of hours, a temperature drop of 30 degrees or more and torrential rains. Floods ensue, tornadoes blow past, life moves swiftly. There's nothing much to do, except hang on and pray.

Though amidst the chaos, life goes on. We venture out, survey the damage and celebrate the life that surrounds us with the coming of a new season. We meet with friends celebrating new life. We join the celebration and rejoice along with them. The energy is amazingly pure and joyfully absorbed. It seems way to long since we've felt this way, at least for me.

The smallest opportunities are taken advantage of. The clouds part, the sun shines, desperate souls smile. We mix, we mingle, we are social. Always knowing, in the back of our minds, that we will take this energy and imbue it with pain, producing pleasure, beyond what most might experience.

Clothes mostly lay by the wayside, the remaining lacy panties torn asunder. Whispers of "Master" echo throughout the night, as the juices flow. Background sounds of flesh connecting with flesh bounce off the walls and out into the night. Is it pain? Is it pleasure?

Who can really define the difference? The lines blur, it no longer seems difficult to cross into no man's land and fly freely through the ether. Shedding and surrendering the physical body, feeling only with the soul, free of conscience thought.

Life has become nothing but a nerve ending. One to be contended with, for sure. But, oh so joyfully met. Engaged and answered with just as much energy as has been served. We take our fill and give as good as we get. Life is good, if even for a moment.

The winds blow in again, shelter is sought. The cycle begins anew.

We smile through, knowing the sun will shine again. We know another moment will present itself soon enough, and if it doesn't? Well...we will make it so.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Why Not?

I've been quite distracted lately, by life. I just have so many serious issues going on. Couple that with limited time to write, and I have been feeling somewhat lost. Kinda just surfing the tide and praying like heck I'm not going down for the third time.

I'm old enough, experienced enough, to know, duck my head and hang on, this too shall pass. Oh yeah, don't forget the deep breath before going under for the final time, it helps.

I don't particularly like to live my life in a reactionary manner, but survival sometimes requires it.

I was pleasantly surprised when I finally found a minute to read and saw that Spanky had issued a June writing challenge. Just what I needed to try and get focused again. It will also provide a pleasant escape, a time to talk, or write I guess, about something I truly love:


Or, men in general. Cause let's face it ladies, is there anything that makes a man more different from us then the fact that they have a cock and we don't?

This is the challenge, as issued:

The CWS Challenge for June is to write a post on the topic "Why you should worship your husband's cock."  I hope some of you have thoughts to share about this topic.  Maybe someone will read your post and be inspired to finally take the plunge? Or somewhere a hubby will show it to his wife and say "See!  This is what I've been trying to tell you."

My immediate reaction is: why not?

My childhood occurred from the late 60's through the 70's, the height of the women's revolution. Unfortunately, I was raised by a southern belle mother, who went to her marriage bed a virgin and had been taught that ladies don't enjoy sex. I'm not sure why, but one of the strongest memories I have, about what my mother taught me was, "If you've seen one man, you've seen them all." When she referred to "men", she really meant, a man's genitalia, she just couldn't bring herself to express it any other way.

I'm not fond of the word cock, or really any of the other words associated with the actual organ, yet, I do love it. I also know, that what my mother told me wasn't true. No man is exactly the same. Saying, "if you have seen one cock, you have seen them all," is as ignorant as saying that if you've seen one nose, or set of eyes, or pair of lips, you've seen them all.  It's just not true.

That is where the wonder lies for me. I am extremely aware and intrigued, by the differences in the female and male body, the epitome of which, for me, is the cock. I have seen many a man, and have enjoyed many an exploration of the male anatomy. I'm not one to settle, I kept at it, until I found the perfect one for me.

One of my favorite things to do is brush up against Musicman, in public, reach out and gently stroke that most enigmatic pieces of anatomy. Can I make "him" respond? Will "he" move and grow for me?  Musicman doesn't actually care for that very much. I sometimes find it hard to restrain myself, but I do my best. It's a learning curve for me. One I've been on for a long time.

I've written in the past about the the power of a blowjob. This post occurred before the advent of the CWS Network. It was when I first met Spanky and learned that other women loved giving blowjobs as much as I did. It was the first time I heard the term cockworship. I have since become, "the bj lady". That is the most used search term to find me, or some form of blowjobs and power.

I'm here to say, a cock is a beautiful thing. I could easily tell you what works me, for us, but that's not really the important thing. The important thing is what works for you and your man. It is a very unique, individual thing. Take your time, explore, learn what works and what doesn't. Take the time to learn the finer points and nuances, of giving your man something no other can give.

As you lay in bed at night, reach out, let your hands roam. Pay attention. Not just to the way his cock responds, but to his overall response. I tend to start at the balls, gently stroking upwards, reveling in the growth as the steel emerges. I identify as a sub and rarely move on until he has voluntarily divested himself of any barriers. Once he has done that, it becomes a free for all.

As I have been stroking, experiencing the transformation, my mouth has involuntarily begun to salivate. I have begun to crave the fullness of him filling my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. I breathe deeply to allow relaxation of my throat muscles.

He may grab my hair and forcefully fuck my face. Yeah, I love that. Or, Sometimes, he chooses to lie back and enjoy, as I explore. Giving me my head, as it were. Licking here, sucking there, flicking on occasion at that unique bulbous tip. I work my way up, around and down, with soft flutters of my tongue. I may impale myself on his hard length, supported by my hands on the "twins".  I love that too.

There are so many things to experience and explore. I could go on and on about the ways I love to taste him. How could I ever get tired of learning how to worship my man?

So, not exactly the challenge that was issued, but I ask, why not excel at cockworshipping?

Your man will only thank you for learning.