Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Progress Sucks Sometimes

Progress doesn't always move in a straight line. In fact, in order to reach to your ultimate goal, often you have to backtrack through territory you thought was well behind you so you can learn something you missed the first time around. Stressing out about lost time isn't worth the worry, though. Just sit back and enjoy the scenery -- after all, isn't that the point of life?    

I received the above words of wisdom in an email a few weeks back. These words have resonated with me for the last several weeks. It so adequately describes where I am in my life right now. We have cycled around and arrived back at the beginning of our relationship, in so many ways. 

It's not just the D/s, or the kink. That has definitely taken a back seat lately  It just feels as if our day to day interactions are being redefined. It sorta feels like I have no idea, who I actually am anymore. 

Am I a wife?
Am I a Mother?
Am I an employee?
Am I a housekeeper?
Am I a provider?
Am I a taxicab driver?
Am I an alarm clock?
Am I a childcare provider?

Does lover, or vital woman, even figure in there some where? Do I even care?
I just don't know anymore.

He, Musicman, continues to be my anchor, but I'm currently struggling to see the horizon. I had plans, I had goals, I worked hard. Other peoples poor choices have derailed those and I strive with all my heart not to resent my current situation. Who wants to live with resentment? Not me!

I said vows. That was a choice I made. I take that very seriously. That is what keeps me here. Those vows have lead me to a place I never thought I would be again. It's now a struggle everyday to face my reality.  So NOT what I planned.

I'm not the type to give up, so, now I punt. Maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.