Tuesday, June 4, 2019

When the World Crumbles

The urge to write has become overwhelming.  I wish I had the time and capability to visit and write more often.  I know I've not been very good at answering comments, but please know that I read them all and appreciate the positive energy and support.

I'm knee deep in a 2 year battle for the benefits I've paid into for the last 40 years. If y'all can spare a positive thought or prayer on the 20th, it would be helpful. I go before a judge that day and he/she will make a judgment about my future.

Musicman  and I are still living with my brother and T.  Thing's are going very well with that. I spend most days with 2 beautiful pit bulls, they are total love bugs and are great listener's . I definitely need that because Musicman is not adjusting to the move very well.

Musicman has told me it feels like his world is crumbling around him.  I understand that, but I'm embracing it.  Instead of focusing on what is crumbling, I focus on the new growth coming through the pile of crumbs.  I am still trying to get him to look at it that way.  It's most definitely an uphill battle.

I love the fact that the sun comes out every day. I love the warmth, we had temperatures in the high 90's  last week. So different from where we used to live.  I love the awesome tan I've already gotten, 10 minutes at a time while taking the doggies out.  Musicman hates the weather, his job and this city. He's definitely not embracing the changes.

His chosen profession is very much in demand here. One would think that would make finding a good job easy.  In our experience, not so much.  Employers here have no qualms about lying to him or omitting certain information in order to get him to take the job. We're still looking for a good fit for him. It's very hard to watch him struggle.

Help!!!  Help!!!  Help!!!

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

An Entirely New Start

It's been about a month now since our move.  I'm not gonna lie, the first couple of weeks were rough.  Very rough.

Musìcman was extremely stressed and taking it out on me.  I was doing everything I knew to be understanding and supportive, but he was saying and doing some very hurtful things.  I really began to regret giving him another chance.

I really thought that when I left him back in November he would have realized that I've changed.  We had enough conversations that I thought he grasped the fact that I am no longer going to allow him to disrespect me in any way.  He didn't.

Sad to say,  but things became so bad that I told him to pack his stuff and go back to where we moved from.  He didn't, but he has had a major change in attitude.

He's finally starting to realize that we have opportunities here to make a better life for ourselves.  He's starting to learn how to relax and enjoy himself again, something he had forgotten how to do.  I'm starting to see more and more glimpses of the wonderful man I fell in love with all those years ago.

Due to the fact that we are living with my brother and T  there have not been much chances for playtime,  but  I'm very hopeful that will change once we find our own place.

I don't believe that once we get our own place that playtime will just be picked up where we left off.  I don't want that.  We definitely need to redefine what TTWD is for us.  An entirely new start.  I'm looking forward to that.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

New Year, New Beginning

Hi all.  So much has happened since I was last able to write.

I spent time getting settled in with my brother and T.  It truly feels like home to me and I've been very happy there.  The only thing missing was Musicman.

It's hard to walk away from a 33 year relationship, especially  when you don't want to, but I had to.  If I was going to survive and thrive, be happy again, I  had to leave. I left it up to him to make the decision to join me or not.

It didn't take him too long before  he was saying he made a mistake.  He admitted he had been focusing on all the wrong things when he should have been focusing on me.  Yep, sounds good, but what are you going to do about it ?   At this point, words mean very little to me.  I want to see action.

He got vacation time at the new year. He came down the weekend before New Year's.  I was cautiously optimistic about starting the new year with him in my new home.

He had several job interviews setup.  He knew I wasn't going back to our old home unless it was to pack up because he had a firm start date for a job in the city that was my new home.

I have family and friends in the new city.  I've  begun building a new life there.  I've definitely changed, but I still want him in my life.  I just want it on my terms.  Might seem like a lot to expect, but I've  given up a lot over the last many years for everyone else. This is my time.

I'm currently happily ecstatic and exhausted.  Musicman, the man who was born, raised and lived his entire  54 years in the same 5 mile radius, received multiple job offers in the city I now consider home.  He's moving 600 miles away from everything he's ever known.

A new city, a new job and eventually a new home.  And he's  doing  it to be with  me.  I'm so happy I don't even have words.  I've  wanted this for years, though I never  really thought it would happen.  Someone needs to pinch me so I know it's  real.

Things are hectic, and it may take me awhile to get back here, but hopefully I will, with tales of faerie flying again.