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Once upon a time there was a young girl, a beautifully broken young girl. Life had tried it's very best to use her, wear her down and make a victim of her. She was a strong young girl and refused to stay a victim for long. She escaped her family of abusers and struck out on her own at the tender age of 17. She ran away, far away, and despite the fact that she found herself utterly alone in the world, she felt relief and she finally felt somewhat safe.
She started to fashion a life for herself. Her life wasn't easy, often she was scared and lonely, but she never showed it. She worked hard and played even harder. All the while keeping her secrets of the past from everyone. She let no one get close to her, cause that wasn't safe and being safe was tantamount to her.
The young broken girl quickly learned to use people for her own gain. She especially learned to use and manipulate men in an attempt to take back the power she had had stolen from her. It worked too. For every man she used and threw away she felt more powerful, more in control and less the victim she had been. She had become a survivor, or so she thought.
One night the broken young girl met a handsome young man. A young man who wanted her and refused to take no for an answer, though she said it repeatedly. He just wouldn't listen to her, he overwhelmed her and swept her off her feet. The handsome young man declared his love for her almost immediately. She protested most vociferously, "how can you possibly love me? You don't even know me."
That mattered not to the handsome young man. He knew what he wanted...her. He declared his love for her again and refused to take no for answer. Though the broken young girl tried to talk him out of it, tried her very best to use him and throw him away the way she had with all the others in her life, he would have none of it.
He persisted in his pursuit of her and eventually won her heart. He teased and tempted her with glimpses of what her life with him could be. He showered her with love and affection. He even shared his large, loving family with her. It scared her at first as she had no idea how to be a part of a loving family. She had never experienced that before and didn't truly believe that such a thing even existed. He showed her how wrong she was and she loved him even more for it.
The beautifully broken young girl started to feel not so broken anymore. She started to learn to trust enough to share the secrets of her horrifying past with him. He accepted her for what she was and vowed he would always protect her. The young woman wasn't so sure she believed him, but she was tired of being alone and really wanted to believe him.
The broken young girl took a chance and agreed to be his wife. The handsome young man was ecstatic about her decision but he had a few simple rules she had to agree to. Divorce was not an option. Sleeping anywhere other than in his bed was not an option. The broken young girl agreed with him, but had a stipulation of her own. Sex would never be used as a weapon. The handsome young man agreed whole heartedly and they married soon after.
It sounds like a fairy tale doesn't it? Fairy tales have happy endings don't they? I used to think so, but now, I'm not so sure.
Gosh Faerie, I just read your last post. I have been scattered lately and not reading much. I am so sorry for all the sadness and hurt you are experiencing. I do not have much advice. That being said it seems to me that Musicman is going through a depression. I remember all the love you have written and wonder if the difficult times and his health issues have made him give up somehow. I am no expert but I just wonder. I do believe we all have dark times, challenges...whatever. He seems to be lashing out. That can be so cruel. You do not deserve that, I agree. However sometimes we hurt the ones we love the most and try and push them away. Only you both can decide whether you will continue to hope for the fairy tale.
ReplyDeleteHI Minelle, He is definitely lashing out and I have come to realize that he is doing it from a place of frustration. We have been living with a very difficult situation for a couple years now, with no end in sight. The fact that he could change the situation, yet chooses not to, is something I have a hard time accepting. I am just now beginning to realize what is really going on with him and why he won't do anything to change the situation. It is still hard to accept, but understanding it better is helping some.
DeleteI believe your fairy tale is still being written. Maybe it will not have the ending you expected it too, that might be because it will have a much better ending than you ever would be able to envision. That ending may be with the prince that you married, or maybe not....but it will still be your fairy tale, with an ending perfect for you.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thanks for leaving such a positive comment abby. I have come to realize and understand why he is doing the things he is and that even though I don't like the situation there are some things I can do differently to help him. At least I hope I can.
DeleteI agree with abby and minelle. I can't believe it's over between you and MM and if it is, there's has to be something better waiting for you. After all you've been through, you deserve all good things.
ReplyDeleteI've come to understand that things are not over for us, that he was just speaking from a place of anger and frustration. We have been dealing with an incredibly difficult situation for a couple years now and though we don't approach this situation with the same life philosophies (which cause resentment and anger for both of us) we do both want the same outcome. I am going to try very hard to do what I can to alleviate some of his frustration and hopefully he will do the same for me.
DeleteThe roller coasters truly suck at the bottom. faerie,, I am glad that you are in a better place than when the story began...but hope and pray for a happier ending. Many hugs and positive thoughts, dear faerie.
ReplyDeletehugs,
fiona
Thanks Fiona, you are absolutely right, roller coasters do truly suck at the bottom and I'm not a big fan of roller coasters to begin with. Though painful to write, these last few posts have helped me realize a few things about the situation we are dealing with and hopefully that understanding will help us get to a better place.
DeleteI agree with Abby and Minelle also Faerie. You and MM have been through so much and always done it together and I really have to wonder what is going on with him. Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Cat you have hit the nail on the head. We have been through a lot over the years and got through them together. This current situation we have been dealing with is one we have polar opposite views on and it has been extremely frustrating for both of us. While neither of us has changed our opinions I do now see that I have been making the situation worse for him in some ways and hopefully I will be able to find a way to stop doing that.
DeleteI don't think it's the end by a long shot - but do you both need a step back. I'm not sure he realizes what he is in danger of losing. I am NOT suggesting either of you leave or anything drastic like that, but I'm wondering if you are still taking care of everything and everyone through this hard time? Do what is best for you, please. I have a feeling you have always been at the bottom of your list and without meaning to it could have rubbed off on others who sometimes put you at the bottom too. You are loved, by us out here and by your family - even if they are too angry, stressed, whatever to realize it.
ReplyDeleteThank you PK and as usual you are right about so many things. I do still take of everyone and everything, even when I am in total disagreement about the situation. I really do need to learn to take better care of myself and put myself at the top of the list. It would also be helpful if he would realize that I need more from him. I guess that is my job to communicate that to him in a nonthreatening way. Don't know if I will be successful, but I'm gonna do my best to give it a try.
DeleteRemember, you have overcome so much and you are a strong self reliant woman even if you don't feel that way right now. You will find that fairy tale, the rainbow, that light at the end of the tunnel. Just take one step as a time. And many, many hugs.
ReplyDeleteFD
Thanks for reminding me that I am strong, I haven't felt very strong lately. I have come to realize that he is just as frustrated with our current situation as I am and though we have totally opposite ways of handling the situation we really do need to find a way to work together to get through it. That won't be an easy feat, but worthwhile in the long run.
DeleteOh Faerie, I am not sure there is anything any of us can say that will really help but I do agree with Sunny, if it is over there must be something better out there for you. Lots of sympathy
ReplyDeleteJan,xx
Thank you Rose, just having the support of friends who are willing to let me vent an remind me that I can get through this is extremely helpful.
DeleteI'm so sorry Faerie. I agree with Abby and Minelle. You two have been through so much together and I hope your story is still unfolding. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete((Hugs ))
Roz
Thanks Roz, I have had some important revelations as I have worked through all this. I have not come up with any good solutions, but I have realized that what I shouldn't do. I guess that is as a good a place to start as any.
DeleteAll those here share my same thoughts. Love, strength, courage...you have all that and we are sending you MORE and more of it so that you know you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteXOXO Pearl
Thank you Pearl. I will take all the strength, love and courage I can get. I'm gonna need it to get through this intake and failure is not an option for me.
DeleteHi Faerie, I am so sorry about your current confusion and I am with Minelle and Abby too, your fairy tale is still in the making. You have been through such a lot together and this alone must have some some meaning for MM too. I wish so much that you could sit down and talk, I mean really talk, without hurt and instead trying to look for a way through this, together. I simply hope that all of this works out in a good way. Sending positive thoughts.
ReplyDeletehugs
Nina
Hi Ni Na, we have a long way to go to get through this as there seems to be no end in sight to the situation that is causing all the issues, but I'm determined to get through it. A better understanding of the situation is helping alleviate some of the pain even though it hasn't really helped me find a good solution.
DeleteYour story is still being written. I know that's not much to hold onto, but it's something. There is still light.
ReplyDeleteMore hugs
It always helps when I lose sight of the light to have people around me to show me the way back to it. Thank you for reminding of that.
DeleteI do hope you find your happily ever after in your fairy tale...I believe you will. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThank you for believing, even when I don't have the strength to.
Delete"He will come back to you." I've told myself that a lot in the last few months. Remind each other of good times and if possible try to spend some time doing something you both enjoy. Then, together, you can take on another day. It helps to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes you may have to light your own torches for a while. Sending positive thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jay for the positive thoughts and sending them back to you. I've been lighting torches for awhile and just hope I have enough to last until I can see the light again.
Delete