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So, I had a not so great moment. I totally forgot to check in with my emotions. I didn't check the negative thoughts. I spiraled into the abyss, and he walked through the door and caught the brunt of my wrath.
I let something that would normally not bother me, jump on my last nerve. It was ugly and if we were a dd couple I'd definitely deserve a punishment. But we aren't that kind of couple. I sometimes wish we were, but I know that's never gonna happen.
Instead I raged and cried and accused. All the things I said I wasn't gonna do. I'm so ashamed of myself. What came out needed to be said. That I'm not ashamed of, how I said it? That I'm ashamed of.
He handled it so much better than I expected. He listened, and actually heard me. He calmed my fears, while also expressing his own doubts.
I respect and understand that.
Little steps, but it sounds like a good little step.
ReplyDeleteYes they are good steps. I try to remind myself that we didn't get to bad place overnight and it can't be fixed overnight, so small steps are good.
Delete(((hugs))) Faerie, glad Musicman listened and was able to calm your fears.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Thanks Roz, he's doing so much better communicating. I think we both are, when I don't slip back into self defense mode that is. But I'm not perfect and readily admit it.
DeleteDon't be so hard on yourself...I agree, there was probably a better way to have that conversation, but maybe letting out all those pent up feelings, made an impression that needed to be made. He listened and he calmed you...that is a pretty good outcome. hugs abby
ReplyDeleteI do tend to be very hard on myself, something I'm working on. While not proud of my actions, what I said he definitely needed to hear and he handled it and me brilliantly. A great improvement.
DeleteI am sorry. Feelings sometimes need to get out. I am glad he listened and helped to calm you. I am still catching up reading in blogland, but please know I am thinking of you. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThank you Terps, I've been reading around blogland too, though haven't been commenting. Still kinda feel like a shy newbie.
DeleteA long time ago I read that anger is the secondary emotion, often hiding some more vulnerable one. I can't speak for you, but I know 99% of the time this is true with me. I can also say there was a time where I ended up more on an endless loop of it becoming my go to reaction which is really detrimental to all involved.
ReplyDeleteI once wrote a post years ago comparing myself to a Jack Pine pine cone ( if you are not familiar they only open up and drop their seeds in extreme heat- often a forest fire). There was a point in my life that I felt I took care of everything (mostly) and I believe it had me stuffing everything down until I couldn't take it anymore and through ttwd I started to explode. Which I realize sounds so counterproductive to what ttwd is supposed to do for many. BUT I needed to let those emotions out- or drop my (OMGosh if I say seeds it is going to sound like a dime store sex novel!) but... seeds to start new growth much like the Jack Pine.
If I had been in your (described) situation and Musicman had responded the way you said he did, I would feel so much better knowing that he saw *me* versus my emotions. Such a wonderful thing in times like that because let's face it none of us like to be 'that person'.
Yet again I find myself agreeing with abby- she's such a smart cookie ;). Try not to be so hard on yourself. Thank Musicman for his reaction, and apologize (I"m sure you've done both). Rome wasn't built in a day as the old saying goes, so change-real lasting change is going to experience some struggles along the way. This is completely normal, disappointing, but normal. The key/hope is on those days when one stumbles, the other one is at their best. Here's hoping that if it is Musicman next time, you can remember this time.
willie
Wilma, you always leave such thoughtful and informative comments. I really appreciate it. In some ways we are a lot alike, just based on what you've said above. I did apologize and thank Musicman for how he handled me and the situation. And I agree, abby is a very smart cookie.
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