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He admitted that he's used to me being the strong one. He admitted that despite the fact that I've been saying for years, that I'm not that strong anymore, he didn't want to believe it. I feel like I let him down.
I want to be that strong, reality is, I'm just not. He admitted he doesn't know how to handle that. He shared some hard truuths. All valid concerns. I know it was hard for him, and I respect that immensely.
I wish I had a good answer for him. But this is the first time in decades I've felt weak and I honestly don't have an answer for him.
Honestly, what I really need is for him to step up. I need for him to be strong, take charge, give me a break that lasts beyond subspace.
I need to know someone has my back. That would be a novelty for me, and something I wouldn't have appreciated not so long ago. I had my own back and didn't need anyone else.
Now? Now I crave it. I think he's willing, but neither of us know what that looks like. That kinda sucks.
(((Hugs))) Faerie, so hard for both of you. Tell him what you need. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
Thanks Roz, I'm trying to be more open about what I need, sometimes I don't even know what I need. Life is very changeable and confusing right now, but I'm trying.
Deletesounds like steps in the right direction. keep them small, but keep them going. maybe think of one little thing that could help you feel better.. and then another. i know it's not as simple as that, but anything is worth trying.
ReplyDeleteThat's great advice and exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm trying has become a mantra in my life lately.
DeleteYour realizations is what I was going to suggest. You're partners. You should be in this together, and no one can be 100% on all the time. If you're not able to, he needs to man up and take the reigns. It is hard to feel like the only one you can rely on is yourself, and if you don't feel you can rely on your partner, that is HUGE. I hope he steps up.
ReplyDeleteHe's trying which is good. Me not relying on anyone is more a hangover of my hellacious childhood and actually has nothing to do with Musicman and everything to do with me. But I'm trying.
Deletelittle by little...one step at a time...he has started to communicate...now hopefully he will give you the support you need just as you have always supported him. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty much how it's going and I see positive changes in both of us.
DeleteYou know Barney has said that to me in the past too. Keep at it, as difficult as it can be. Hopefully we will also be similar in this as well, for now he loves 'this me'. He had told me that it scared him a bit because he was so afraid to screw up and have him add hurt to my already vulnerable self- MEN! Their logic sometimes!!! I let him know that mistakes means he's trying and we can work through that more than we can non-action. Every time there was non-action we were guaranteed the same result, but if he tried there was actually a chance he'd get it right! lol
ReplyDeletewillie
Could we possibly be married to the same man, lol. Musicman has also stated that sometimes he does nothing out of fear of hurting me more. I've started making an effort to acknowledge in a positive way when he does something helpful no matter how small, hoping it will encourage him to keep trying.
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