Thursday, November 29, 2012

Adjusting to a New Normal

I'm a stress cleaner. Cleaning my home when I'm stressed helps me work through all the thoughts running through my head causing me stress. I've been cleaning all day, my home fairly sparkles, but I'm still stressed. Anyone got something I can clean?

I'm stressed because we are dealing with so many things beyond our control. I'm actually somewhat used to that. So much of life is beyond our control, I accept that. Sometimes all we can do is react and pray, I'm doing both.

Right now, my biggest stressor is Musicman. He's hurting, both physically and emotionally. I want to help him, I'm trying to help him, but there's only so much I can do. He's not as good at handling things beyond his control as I am. He's a strong man, a man that is used to being in control of his world.

His world was knocked a bit off axis, his control slipped some. We've faced situations that have made us feel like this before. Situations that change normal. When things like this happen you don't recover as much as you adjust. You adjust to a new normal. We both know this from past experiences. We also know that it takes time.

What you do during that time is very important. The steps you take while the adjustment happens can be critical. He's a very proud man, he doesn't want me to see him hurting or perceive him as weak. He's pulling a cloak of stoicism around himself, pushing on through the pain. I understand, to a degree, that he needs to do that.

I know better then anyone exactly how strong he is, I could not ever see him as weak. I recognized a long time ago that he deals with serious, painful, life changing events differently then I do. He needs to do a certain amount of it himself, without my help. I respect that.

So, for now, I stand quietly at his side, offering him my strength, my admiration, my respect and my love. And, I'll continue to stand here, ready to help him in anyway that he will allow me.  





22 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful love letter to you strong man,a great affirmation for him. I wish you better times soon.\hugs abby

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    1. Thank you abby, I'm a very lucky lady to have such a strong man to love and protect me. I just wish I could do the same for him.

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  2. Sending you hugs- sounds like you could use them!

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    1. Awww...thanks...hugs always help :)

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  3. He sounds alot like my Master and offering your love and support and standing by his side quietly , while hard to do is sometimes exactly what they need.

    ~faithful

    PS- Stress cleaning is ME TOO! Maybe we could go into business together!

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    1. It's probably one of the harder things I have to do. I'm a caregiver by nature and by profession, but that's not what he needs from me right now.

      Anytime you want to start that claning business, you let me know, we'd make millions, lol.

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  4. Hope things get better soon for both you and Musicman. Hugs to you both.

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    1. Thanks Sunnygirl, things will get better. I know, cause I'm a glass half full kinda girl :) I just have to survive until then, lol.

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  5. How thoughtful of you to stand by his side offering your strength, admiration, love and respect. You two are a wonderful team. Good luck on dealing with this situation.

    FD

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    1. It's more habit now then anything thoughtful on my part. I realized a long time ago that sometimes he just needs time to regain his equilibrium. When he does, I'll be there :)

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  6. Beautiful. I'm glad you and musicman have each other to lean on.

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    1. I'm glad too, I couldn't do it without him.

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  7. Oh, that is so hard to do - not initally, but eventually I crack and start wanting to be in it with them. It is good you wrote this out... and cleaning is not the worse stress relief there is, I tend to drink wine. A lot of wine.

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    1. It's definitely hard, I feel his pain so deeply and I just want to do anything to make it better. But, sometimes there just isn't anything I can do. Cleaning helps because I can do it automatically. It lets me think and work things through and I have a sparkly clean house when I'm done.

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  8. Oh hugs sweetie. I know what cleaning is like. I do it too. It's therapeutic.

    I also know how hard it is to stand beaide and let them do what they have to to adjust n cope.

    Hugs. I hope this passes quickly.

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    1. Therapeutic is a great way to put it. My hands stay busy with automatic things and I can think about whatever's on my mind. It usually helps me work through things and I have accomplished something tangible too :)

      Standing beside him and waiting is so incredibly hard, but I do it because that's what he needs.

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  9. I do the whole cleaning thing too. It's very therapeutic and for me, if everything is in its place and clean, I feel like I can put more effort and energy into what's wrong in my life.
    You have him to care for, emotionally and it's a beautiful thing that you've expressed here.

    Thoughts and prayers to you both.

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    1. I clean automatically so it helps me to accomplish something while working through all the issues. I usually run out of things to clean before I do issues, but it still helps :) Take care of yourself, I've been reading, but computer issues are preventing me from commenting as I would like.

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  10. I am sorry that you are going though some tough times. I hope the cleaning helped at least a little. Take care.

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    1. Thanks Zoe, the cleaning helps, keeping my hands moving helps me think. I at least have a clean home if not an answer to whatever I'm facing at the moment.

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  11. I am sorry for the difficult times. I am glad you have each other for support. If ever you need to stress clean you have an open invitation to my house and I will bake you a batch of cookies and offer you a cup of tea. :-)
    Hugs, Terpsichore

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