Thursday, November 1, 2012

Good Girls Don't

I often read that many subs have rules, we don't and that's okay. The one rule I see quite a bit is the no masturbation without permission rule. If we had rules, I think this would be the perfect one for me. I would never break that rule, cause I don't masturbate, ever. I never really learned how, cause I never needed to know how. A lack of sex partners has never been an issue for me and I saw no other reason to do it.

I will say that watching me masturbate is something Musicman would like to see. I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, how many times I have actually done this for him. I'm just not very comfortable with doing it and have only recently tried to learn how.

I'm trying to learn not because I want to do it, or because he is pushing me to do it, he isn't. It just seems like such a silly hangup to have. Also the urge to please him is something I feel strongly, but in this situation, hasn't helped me much. Every time I convince myself I am going to do it for him, I have chickened out.

Yep, that's me, a big, huge chicken. But, the more I think about it, the more I would like to get past this hangup. I don't think it is ever anything I would do on a regular basis, but it would be nice to be able to do it for him. I'm mean really, what middle aged woman who isn't a nun can't masturbate? Ridiculous really.

I know a lot of women were told growing up that good girls don't do that. I was never told that, in fact I was never told anything about sex. It might actually be easier for me to do if I thought good girls didn't do it, cause I've never been a good girl. Good girls don't have periods of time in their life they refer to as the "slut years."

I think my hangup is more about embarrassment then anything else. What if I try and it doesn't work? What if I look totally ridiculous when I do it? What if, what if, what if....I could drown in all the what ifs I can come up with. It would really be easier to just forget about it, but I've never been the type to take the easy way out. Besides that, if I can get past all the what ifs and actually do it, well, he would be pleased and that would make me happy.

So, I had a brilliant idea or at least it seemed brilliant at the time. Now that I've actually done it, I'm a bit nervous. What was the brilliant idea you ask? I made a video of myself and emailed it to him. Of course, if you read here with any regularity you know Musicman doesn't check his email on any kind of regular basis. That means I have to actually find the nerve to tell him I sent the email.

I'm already trying to think of a good place to run and hide after I tell him.



Just a quick update, apparently there was a "what if" I hadn't considered. What if I do all this and then can't send the damn email. My camera battery died shortly after I did the video, so I plugged it in to charge while I wrote this post. I waited to actually publish the post to make sure it worked, it didn't. I've been trying for hours and have no idea what the problem is but the email won't send.

I'm frustrated and disproportionately upset about it all. This was supposed to be something simple to please him and I can't seem to manage even that. So if he is ever to see the video he will have to view it on the camera. So if anyone who knows something about this tech stuff can tell me what I'm doing wrong, it would be greatly appreciated. In the mean time, I hope you at least had a good laugh about it all.

34 comments:

  1. Faerie - most likely, your video is too large....most email will not let you send a large file.

    Send him an email telling him it is on the camera whenever he wants to watch it. Just a thought.

    TTFN
    Mr. No Name

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    1. I'm so tech challenged, I have sent pics before without a problem and I never thought a video would be different. Oh well. He reads here and knows about the video. I think he intends to view it tonight, yikes, lol :)

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  2. Sweety, more of us girls had the "slut years" than you might imagine. You are not alone :)

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    1. It's not something I'm in any way ashamed of, but it's always nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you :)

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  3. Yeah, videos are enormous and not really e-mailable. Brave woman though, to even attempt such a thing. I bet he'll be appreciative.

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    1. Wish I would have known that about videos BEFORE I did it, lol. We've been making videos for years and tuning out the camera isn't much of a challenge for me :) He said we were gonna have a video night tonight, so I'll let ya know :)

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  4. Have you thought about being blindfolded whilst masturbating that might help in taking away some discomfort?

    x

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    1. No, I never thought about that, it's a great idea and I'll have to give it a try. Thanks :)

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  5. wow, I'm awed at your bravery - i love masturbating and have no problems whatsoever doing it for him to see and all that, but filming myself? EEEK NO!

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    1. EEEEK NO is exactly how I feel about doing it in front of him. We've made videos for years and that doesn't bother me at all, go figure, lol :)

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  6. So this is something you might want to get better at? I give you the same answer as the young musician got when he stopped a man the street and asked 'How do I get to Carnegie Hall?' The answer "Practice!"

    Can't help a bit on the emailing of the video, I like the idea of emailing him to check the camera and meanwhile - make sure neither of the kids borrows it for a project or something!

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Do I WANT to get better at it? Not really, but I do like making him happy and that would. The way it's been going, I have a better chance of getting to Carnegie Hall, and I'm tone deaf, lol.

      I don't usually leave stuff like that on my camera, but for now, it's locked up safe and sound :)

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  7. Lots of great suggestions so I'm not going to bother adding to them, I'm sure he will appreciate it regardless of how he ends up seeing it.

    Good for you for going outside your comfort zone.

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    1. Thanks Ponyboy, wish I could say I've conquered this activity, but, that would be a lie. Guess like everyone suggested I need to practice more :)

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  8. Faerie - you were really brave to make the video. YEA!!! Have you thought about talking to him about your hang ups? What if he required you to do it? Would that make it easier?
    He could also use it as a "scene"...you know - teaching you how... or thing of aisha - "inspecting you" giving you suggestions or helping you learn how to better "please" him!

    So many options...embrace your inner-masterbating-slut!!!

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    1. We have talked some about it and those few times have done it has been at his specific direction during playtime. Guess I need more of that :)

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  9. Great advice here....I can imagine the frustration at not being able to mail the video. good for you for filming yourself....and like PK said...practice!
    good luck....hugs abby
    PS...I bet your hubby is thrilled at your attempts.

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    1. I don't know if he is thrilled, he hasn't seen it yet. From what he has said that is on the agenda for tonight. I plan on hiding under the covers, lol. Videos don't bother me, we have done them for years and I just tune the camera out :)

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  10. What was that about good girls and not doing it.....?
    *Smile* Practice makes perfect!

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    1. That's what I've always heard anyway, lol. I never paid it much attention, cause I'm not a good girl :)

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  11. Faerie, so do you feel the gods are against you. Wish I could help with the technical stuff but you know better.

    I've been doing it as long as I can remember. I do remember getting a spanking for it when I was about 7. Maybe that's why I like spanking so much. Daughter did it also starting at about 5, we didn't discourage her.

    And you had a boy so you know how much time he spent in the bathroom. LOL. Mentioned that to daughter the other day and she just shook her head. Her oldest is just about there.

    Like everyone said, practice makes perfect.

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    1. You taught me how to add pics to my blog, so you can't claim to as tech challenged as I am, lol.

      Unfortunately, because of the circumstances of my childhood, by age 5 I was already well versed in the ways of sex, just not this particular act.

      Tell your daughter to start stocking up on hair conditioner, lol. I went through gallons of the stuff, and the kid had short hair :)

      Maybe he won't like the video, then I won't have to practice anymore, one can hope :)

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  12. I agree with the practice- its the only way to figure it out.

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    1. TBH, I don't really like doing it, so practicing isn't as much fun as it sounds. I'm an odd duck, I know :)

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  13. With regards to the technical advice I am afraid I have none. As for the rest I am sure your husband will be tickled at the thought of you doing something to please him. It is the thought that counts and everyone is right - practice makes perfect. I never m.......... (blush) until I was an adult. In a perfect world perhaps I would not...but unlike the typical husband/wife scenerios I hear about in real life in which the man has to plead to his unwilling wife for sex, I am the one in my relationship who has to "beg" for sex and it is not uncommon for a month or more to go by...what is a good girl to do??? especially one who glories and feels loved by touch? I have only done it in front of my husband a couple of times. Once he was asleep at the time so I don't know if that counts and once tried to during love-making while he was busy touching me elsewhere but I was very self-conscious...he did say it turned him on so maybe I will need to get over my hang up too and try again... :-) You were very brave about the video...that scares me senseless... Good luck :-) (Hope this wasn't TMI about my personal experience) I have insomnia and am feeling brave in my sharing comments...

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    1. I sympathize with you about the insomnia, I have issues with that too. Feel free to share anything you want here, I don't mind a bit :)

      It's nice to know I'm not the only woman who is uncomfortable doing that. Hey, maybe if I tried it while he's asleep next to me I might get more comfortable with it? Yeah, probably not, lol :)

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  14. I don't know the high tech stuff but I am sure he was pleased that you not only did it but made a video of it. And as PK said, just practice. You might even learn to like it and want it.

    FD

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    1. It's gonna take a lot of practice for me to learn to like it, just not my cup of tea :) He seems pleased about it, but he hasn't actually seen it yet.

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  15. O, i totally feel your frustration about the technical stuff! i can't tell you home many times i start to do something i think is going to be simple and end up spending hours trying to make it work - successfully sometimes, and sometimes i just give up.

    Like other people said, it's impressive that you did the video tape!!

    O, and you're not alone in having "slut years" either. :-) Not a bit. i did some things that i still just don't talk about.

    hugs,

    aisha

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    1. Oh yeah, it was so frustrating, first actually doing the deed then not having the video send. Made me wish I had never tried.

      Doing the video was the easy part for me, we've been making them for years and I can easliy tune out the camera.

      I've touched on my slut years briefly in posts before, but maybe someday I will share more about them. I probably should be ashamed of them, but honestly, I'm not.

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  16. I don't believe in "good girls." People take one look at me and think I'm some innocent little angel, yet, I do nothing one way or the other to act like one or not, people just assume. I'd totally do it if I could, just haven't been successful at it yet, but I'd like to be able to be. So sweet of you to make a video for Musicman. Good luck in getting the technical part working!

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    1. Oh sweetpea, compared to me you are a good girl. Nothing wrong with that at all. And let me just say, no one has ever thought that about me, and that's really okay with me. I'm not in the least bit ashamed of those years.

      I gave up trying to make the technical part work, I'm just gonna hide under the covers when he puts it on :)

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  17. Yeah, faerie, the file is too large - what others have said. You could do as suggested and tell him where the camera is, or use a large file service like yousendit.com, or box.com. You upload the file to their server and they email the link to your recipient. I use this in my transcription business. And very brave!

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    1. Oh, I don't think I will try using any service, I was nervous enough I would send the email to someone other then Musicman, lol.

      Brave or stupid? I think the jury is still out on that one :)

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