Saturday, January 28, 2012

Post Apocalypse

How do I explain something I don't understand myself?

Things have been going great, especially since I am so bad at knowing what it is I want and need. I know what I don't want, does that help? Maybe a little. 

So yesterday I woke up to my alarm going off and was in the grips of a nightmare. I have a terrible history of repetitive nightmares. They have occurred my whole life and sparked my interest in dream interpretation. Once I remember the nightmare, I can write it down and then I use Dictionary of Dreams to interpret it. It always helps me figure out what is going on and deal with it and then like magic the nightmare goes away. 

I don't remember the nightmare, but it did trigger a full fledged plunge off the ledge to what I refer to as menopause brain. They have a pattern, a definite beginning, middle and end. If I can catch them at the beginning I have a chance to stop them and not have a total melt down. Once we get to the middle though, too late, I'm a raving lunatic. By the time Musicman woke up I was in the middle, how pleasant for him to wake up to a raving lunatic for a wife. Not so much.

After the last time this happened and we talked about it I thought he understood what I needed him to do to help me. Yeah, no. He reverted right back to what he used to do many, many years ago when I had PMS issues that were out of control. He leaves me alone, back then that is what I wanted. It was pretty easy to figure out since I would scream at him to NOT TOUCH ME.  I would tell him, leave me alone, his instinct was not to do that. But I couldn't stand to be touched then, it made things worse, so he learned to leave me alone and at all costs not to touch me. 

A change in birth control helped get that issue under control. This menopause brain thing is something relatively new, I've been dealing with it for about a year. I understand his instinct to do what worked last time, only it doesn't work this time. I need his help, he wants to help, but during these times I am not able to tell him in any coherent fashion what will help. It is very frustrating for both of us. 

Once the episode is over I am always physically and mentally exhausted, not the best time to talk.  He tried, he wants to know what will help. I am frustrated because I have told him before and he doesn't seem to remember. Apparently reminding him of it doesn't jog his memory, it just confused him more. 

We did make some small progress, I told him about this little blog. He knew I was writing, he knew I was reading blogs, he has seen me leaving comments on blogs and when he asked what I was doing I told him. I never kept it a secret, I just never came right out and said I was writing a blog. I never worried about it because I knew that if it helped me he would be ok with it. 

He reacted exactly as I anticipated, he asked if it was helping me, I said yes and that was the end of it. He has not asked to see it or to read it. I'm ok with that, but he did ask me to write to him about what will help with the menopause brain episodes. Normally he doesn't like me writing him emails, he prefers me to just talk to him, imagine that. I guess he has realized that if we are going to make any kind of progress with this issue I need to write it down or I can't really get it out in a way that makes much sense.

So I will try again, because as he reminded me, we have been through worse and will get through this. I just don't know yet what I am going to put in the email. I have time to figure it out because he doesn't check his email for months at a time, so once I do finally get it all out and send it I will have to tell him I sent it or he won't find it for months. Not helpful.

12 comments:

  1. This is a great opening - take him up on it. It's the only way I can really feel I am fully heard with Nick. What exactly do you want him to do? I probably know, but tell me any way. Men (God love them) do need specifics. Blog about it if you're willing. Maybe some comments about what we understand you to be saying will help clear up anything he might not get. When you get what you need him to know and to do just right, then email him. Tell him to go check his mail, then print it off and hand it to him. Make extra copies. Tape one to the bathroom mirror (if it's your private bath). Have the extra copies handy to give him or leave on his pillow when necessary.

    On the other topic, have you ever read anything Edgar Cayce had to say about dreams?

    Good luck and big hugs,
    PK

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    1. I'm having visions of emails stuck all over my bedroom, lol. And yes one way or another I'm sure you will hear about it, how else am I gonna figure it out?

      I have read Edgar Cayce and many others too. I am fascinated with the subject.

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  2. I think it's a great opening too. It seems to me that's he's thinking that it's all very well prefering to talk rather than write/read but that things can be forgotten and if he has an email he can refer back to it whenever he needs to. To me, what he has asked for is a solution to the problem. The printing it off is a good idea too :)

    Dee x

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    1. He is definitely asking for a solution, I just have to come up with one. I was surprised when he asked me to write it down, but happily surprised.

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  3. Have him read your blog and then follow up with conversation. There are some good suggestions from PK and Dee that also might help. Like he said you figured it out once and you will do it again. Men think differently and it takes them longer to process some things. He will get there, he loves you and wants to help. You are halfway there.

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    1. He does love me and does want to help, he made that very clear. The hard part is me figuring out what will work. He is not interested in reading here, that's ok, I'll email him when I figure it out. He may someday change his mind and decide to read here and that would be ok too.

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  4. I don't have any words of wisdom, but just sending supportive thoughts your way. Good luck writing your letter to Musicman. I'm sure you can do it!

    Love,
    Kitty

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    1. Supportive thoughts are always appreciated, thank you.

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  5. I totally agree with these ladies, and my only other suggestion is that when you write to him... be very specific! Men do think so much differently than we do and most generally do not read anything else into anything but what is right in front of them... I'm not slamming them.. I'm just saying that is how they are! I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know, but sometimes we just need to be reminded of the obvious! LOL

    I'm so sorry you are struggling... that really sucks! Praying for you and musicman... you will get through this! ((hugs))

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  6. I do know I need to be specific, but you're right it helps to be reminded.

    The thing is everything is going very well when I am not awash in hormones, and once they're gone and the little meltdown is over things are good again.

    It's hard to tell who is more frustrated with it, but I will figure it out. Thank you.

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  7. Yeah hormonal changes doesn't help us a bit and it sucks cause as women we always seem to be hormonal anyways. Good luck with getting it all own on paper and fining a way of telling him what will help most from his end. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you I am gonna need a bit of luck. Hormones are not my friends, lol.

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