Friday, April 19, 2013

Submission and Feminism

Submission seems to be in the news quite a bit lately. Gabby Reece has been taking a lot of heat for writing in her book that she is submissive to her husband. Carrie Underwood has taken some too. She said in a recent interview that if her husband asked her to give up her career she would.

People, women especially, have been lashing out at these ladies because they were brave enough to voice their personal beliefs. Neither of these women have said they are advising other women to do this. They are saying this is how they feel and what they choose.

I ask the following question: isn't that what feminism and women's rights are all about? Isn't it about my right to choose how I live my life?

I am a submissive wife. I have been for almost three decades. I willing tell you, my Mother is appalled by this, despite the fact that she loves my husband and sees how happy I am. I understand that reaction from her, because she didn't have a choice. It was very important to her that I understood that I had a choice.

I listened, I learned, I understood. I exercised my right to choose. I chose to be submissive because that is what works for me. At the time, I didn't realize that submission was what I was choosing. In my mind, I was choosing a relationship with mutual respect and open communication.  A relationship that played to each of our individual strengths. A relationship that is strong because we recognize that equality is not the most important thing.

I don't want to be equal to my husband. I am not a man and I don't want to be equated as one. In many areas, I am stronger then he is. I am an alpha female. I don't deny that and neither does he. We both benefit from that. He is a dominant male. He is strong in ways that I am not, nor do I wish to be. We both benefit from that.

This is what I chose, this is what works for me. I would never advise any other women to pursue this against their will. I have an adult daughter. She tells me she wants a man like her Dad. I encourage that, but I never use the word submission, it still carries too much of a negative connotation to be willingly accepted.

                      

22 comments:

  1. YES, YES, YES
    The word feminism has been misused and earned such a bad press. It is totally about our right to choose.
    I was brought up with just my mum and she taught me all about my rights as a woman, but she forgot to tell me about my right to decide what I want. She doesn't know about our true dynamic but gets quite agitated if she sees me deferring to my husband at all .
    Thank you so much for this post
    J

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    1. My Mother gets agitated with me when she sees me deferring to my husband too. I understand she didn't have a choice so she doesn't understand that I would willingly choose it. That is the difference though, I did CHOOSE.

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  2. I agree with this 100%! I seek balance, I don't need equality. Our relationship does have to equal, just equitable. And it is the most equitable of any I know in my corner of the world.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. I think people sometimes confuse balance with equality. In my opinion things do not have to be equal to be balanced.

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  3. Faerie, this was really well articulated! I think you have really hit a nail on the head. We are supposed to be able to choose. It may not be your choice, but the choice is ours!

    Great post!!
    fiona

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    1. Thanks fiona, it's something I've been thinking about for awhile now and with it in the news so much I finally decided to write my thoughts on it :)

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  4. choice...balance...communication...respect...exactly...everyone finding what works for them as a couple...acceptance...tolerance...joy... :-) hugs,Terps

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    1. If more people practiced acceptance instead of judgement the world would be a very different place :)

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  5. You have the right to live your life as you please.

    Hug,
    Joey

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    1. Yes, but that is a right that we have fought for for quite some time. Now, if we could just get people to stop judging our choices so harshly what a wonderful world it would be :)

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  6. I love this!

    I was appalled by the idea of putting full trust my husband for much of anything. I still step back and try to talk some sense into myself! I'm at the waaay beginning here it the biggest thing I've realized is I'm so much happier and calmer. Never in a million years did I envision this whole concept as part if my reality.

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    1. I was surprised too when I first realized I was submissive :) Don't worry too much, it does get easier.

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  7. Yes, it's our right to choose (whatever lifestyle) and it irritates me when people judge. If one is happy, what difference does it make what their relationship dynamic is?
    Great post!!

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    1. It irritates me too, if they would just take minute to realize we are happy and let that be enough. Unfortunately many people still can't accept or embrace those they find different.

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  8. Fantastic post - I could have written this. :) From one Alpha Female to another...excellent job at identifying the relationship aspect of this while also supporting the very important points of being a successful, confident female.

    Elisa ;)

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    1. How many times have we all read or said, being submissive does not make us weak? Too many times I think. Unfortunately, society in general just doesn't get it yet.

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  9. Excellent post. Before you give consent, you choose. For centuries women gave consent but not through choice but because it was expected. I am very grateful I have these freedoms and my husband honours them. In many parts of the world women still lack the basic right to choose. I'm lucky.

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    1. All of us that have the right to choose are very lucky. Now if we could just get others to respect our choices.

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  10. This topic has been written about all over the place, but Faerie! This is so ingeniously phrased and on point! Will be sharing the link ;o)

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    1. I think the reason this topic gets written about so much is because there is still the need to remind people that it is a choice. I suppose there are those that will never understand why we would make this choice. I say, they don't need to understand why, they just need to understand it is a CHOICE, one freely made :)

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