Monday, April 22, 2013

An Incident and an Experiment

We had an incident over the weekend that made me question how good of a submissive I actually am. It wasn't a major incident, just one of those days where things don't go the way you might like them too.

Musicman was tired. When he is tired he becomes passive aggressive. I recognize it, but don't deal with it as well as I would like. Being aware that he is tired and acting passive aggressive helps some, but not enough, in my opinion.

Having dealt with this situation more then once, I had a good idea how it would play out. No surprise then that it played out exactly as I expected. I wasn't happy about that, yet, I did not proactively do anything to change it.

I'm getting better at dealing with this situation, but always strive to do better. That would be the perfectionist in me. When this situation occurs I spend a lot of time thinking about it, analyzing it and trying to figure out how to better handle it the next time it occurs. I've made great gains in this area, but still feel like I haven't quite made it over the hump.

What I've realized is that when he acts this way, it takes me out of the submissive mindset. When in actuality this is the time I most need to be in that mindset. This is the time he needs me to offer my submission instead of him coaxing it from me.

I know I can't change his behavior, all I can change is my reaction to it. So I'm left with the question: how do I achieve the submissive mindset when the dominance is no where to be found? How do I handle the confusing, plummeting emotions that are the reaction to his behavior?

I'm not entirely sure, but I've decided to undertake an experiment. An experiment designed to specifically keep me tuned in to my submissive side. An experiment that will push my limits on what I feel comfortable doing. An experiment that should, if I'm able to complete it, push us to the next level. Or, at least me, cause it still won't allow me to control his behavior.

Wish me luck, and stay tuned for the results at the end of the week.

14 comments:

  1. ooo intrigued!

    I've found it quite tough to change my reaction when I also have a strong emotional response - the plummeting emotions you describe sound familiar! So lots of luck xx

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    1. Dealing with the emotions these incidents cause is something I have been working on for a long time. It's getting much better, but still needs work :)

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  2. When in actuality this is the time I most need to be in that mindset. This is the time he needs me to offer my submission instead of him coaxing it from me.
    Daddy has days like that, faerie. The job he is in is not good for him, sometimes it leaves him in turmoil. When that happens, I will come to him - usually with one of my not favorite implements, and offer myself to him. It does the job, it's stress-relief in reverse. It has a positive effect on him, and we end the night in a better place, together.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. For Musicman it is health issues that usually cause this behavior. I have been trying for a long time to react better to it, but still struggle more then I would like.

      You've mentioned offering yourself to him as stress relief before, it's what gave me the idea to try this :)

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  3. Very interested in hearing more about this. You are right, the only thing we can change is our reactions...not easy. I was once told,,,when you feel the least submissive is exactly when you have to reach deep down and find that part of...it is when true submission surfaces.
    hugs abby

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    1. I'm reaching deep for this and hoping I find it in me. I find it easy to be submissive when he is being dominant, but in the abscence of that dominance, not so much. I want that to change and that change needs to come from me.

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  4. Knowing your love for MM I know you will offer him what he needs to get out of his "funk" and because you love him you will do even if you have to "will yourself into submission".

    Good wishes and keep us posted.

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    1. Well dang, Sunnygirl....is it possible to will yourself into submission? Guess I will find out, lol :)

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  5. I'm always interested in new ideas so I'm anxious to know what you're going to try. Best of luck!

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. You probably won't be as interested when you find out what I am trying :)

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  6. Will be very interested in hearing about the experiment and how it went.

    FD

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    1. I'll let ya know, whether I'm successful or not.

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  7. Good luck with your experiment and I hope it is successful but even if it isn't I find every experience offers insight and growth. I began TTWD to express the part of myself I had kept hidden and in the process I have learned some things I can do for my husband that please him as well. I struggle with the not reacting with both my husband and my children - doing so much better but need to be conscience of it all the time and work at not engaging or allowing the sensitivity to get in the way. It is a process...like anything. Hugs, Terps

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    1. You are so right about each experience offering insight and growth, hopefully that is something we all embrace throughout our lives :)

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