Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

I'm aware that some couples turn to TTWD to save or repair their relationship. That isn't the case for us. I asked for a D/s relationship because I had experienced some things that left me a bit lost and confused about who I really am.  I wanted to explore and embrace a side of myself that had become apparent, after having been so deeply hidden, I wasn't even aware of it for many years.

When I first proposed a D/s lifestyle to Musicman he was quick to point out that it wasn't a major change for us, but more of an increase in intensity of what we already had. Of course, he was right. Day to day not much has changed in our interactions, the changes have come within the walls of our bedroom.

He has been wonderful about embracing and providing the things I have asked for. He has been slower about introducing or pushing for things that are of interest to him. In short, the focus of TTWD for us, is all about me, what I want and need. Not a bad way to live if you are in my shoes.

I have realized that while Musicman definitely subscribes to the mindset, "happy wife, happy life," what about him? Oh sure, I do things designed for the sole purpose of pleasing him, but only if it is something that falls within my comfort zone. I reap the benefits of these too because pleasing him satisfies me.

What about the things that are harder for me, that fall outside my comfort zone? I sometimes do them, but only if he has sufficiently motivated me. He's not great at pushing me past my comfort zone in some areas. If it is an area I have expressed a desire to be pushed on, he's okay with it. If it's something he wants, that I have shown reluctance to doing, he will on occasion push, but not often. That's just who he is.

I could comfortably live with the dynamic we have and the way we have set it up, except, that doesn't seem right to me anymore. Yes, it's very, very nice to have my needs be the focus of attention. Yes, I can go on deluding myself into believing I'm a good sub, because if he pushes I will obey and ultimately, enjoy the experience.

The question for me has become; can I push myself, can I step outside my comfort zone and give him the things I know he wants without him having to push me? Can I willingly offer him my submission in a form that really pleases him, but he won't ask for? I don't know the answer to that, yet, but I'm willing to try. That is a step in the right direction for me. It's a step I'm ready to take, even though it seems to be confusing him some.



19 comments:

  1. Faerie: I think its marvelous that you are thinking of stepping outside of your comfort zone...and of course, be gentle with yourself as you explore. I think as long as your loving Musicman knows that this is where you are, you are certainly heading in the direction of growth--the growth that you want. Lovely post!

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    1. Thank you for remminding me to be gentle with myself. I've needed that reminder, because of course, it hasn't gone as well as I would have liked. The perfectionist in me has very standards :)

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  2. That comfort zone is just so....comfy. It's hard stepping outside it, but I have no doubt you'll be see positive results. :)

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    1. I'm ready to retreat back into that comfy zone now :) I've had mixed results and the only think positive I can say at this time, is that I have managed to confuse myself beyond belief. That's okay though, confusion often comes with growth.

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  3. You are both in a good place, both trying to please each other. You are very lucky.

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  4. Good for you girl. Comfort is nice but a little discmfort can be nice too.

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    1. The thing now would be, how much discomfort can I tolerate? I've definitely managed to confuse myself so I don't have an answer to that or any other questions I've been thinking about lately :)

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  5. It is difficult stepping outside of our comfort zone but i do believe an aspect of submission is about not just submitting to things we like (but that of course is my personal opinion).

    Just take it slowly and enjoy

    x

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  6. :) I think sunnygirl sums it up rather nicely.

    Dee x

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    1. I thought so too. Nice to see you around Dee :)

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  7. It can be scary stepping out of the comfort zone but my thoughts are that an aspect of submission is not just submitting to the things one likes, sometimes a push is needed....for growth.

    x

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    1. Crazy might be better word for wanting to step outside my comfort zone, but I've been a bit on the crazy side anyway, lol.

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  8. Hi Faerie, noticing something and then deciding you want to change it is probably the hardest step in making a change.

    Its great that you want to do this for musicman and your relationship. He is a lucky man.

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    1. Hi DB, he is a lucky man, but I'm also a very lucky woman. Knowing and recognizing that has been a catalyst for change more then once for me :)

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  9. sometimes you need to take risks and step outside your comfort zone for new growth. This is something I need to work on... (By the way I read this first and then your last post and responded to that one first and think I got my reply mixed with both so sorry if my comment is mismatched...) :-)didn't sleep well last night- maybe I will go take a nap :-) Hugs, Terps

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    1. No worries my friend, I hope you got to take that nap and that you are sleeping better now :) Personally, I think we all need to step outside our comfort zones on occasion, if we don't how would we ever learn or experience new things :)

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  10. definitely an entry that makes one think :-) good luck my friend

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    1. Thanks Tiffany, this post may help one think, but writing it is helping me untie all the knots of thought I've been stuck in lately :)

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