Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

I'm aware that some couples turn to TTWD to save or repair their relationship. That isn't the case for us. I asked for a D/s relationship because I had experienced some things that left me a bit lost and confused about who I really am.  I wanted to explore and embrace a side of myself that had become apparent, after having been so deeply hidden, I wasn't even aware of it for many years.

When I first proposed a D/s lifestyle to Musicman he was quick to point out that it wasn't a major change for us, but more of an increase in intensity of what we already had. Of course, he was right. Day to day not much has changed in our interactions, the changes have come within the walls of our bedroom.

He has been wonderful about embracing and providing the things I have asked for. He has been slower about introducing or pushing for things that are of interest to him. In short, the focus of TTWD for us, is all about me, what I want and need. Not a bad way to live if you are in my shoes.

I have realized that while Musicman definitely subscribes to the mindset, "happy wife, happy life," what about him? Oh sure, I do things designed for the sole purpose of pleasing him, but only if it is something that falls within my comfort zone. I reap the benefits of these too because pleasing him satisfies me.

What about the things that are harder for me, that fall outside my comfort zone? I sometimes do them, but only if he has sufficiently motivated me. He's not great at pushing me past my comfort zone in some areas. If it is an area I have expressed a desire to be pushed on, he's okay with it. If it's something he wants, that I have shown reluctance to doing, he will on occasion push, but not often. That's just who he is.

I could comfortably live with the dynamic we have and the way we have set it up, except, that doesn't seem right to me anymore. Yes, it's very, very nice to have my needs be the focus of attention. Yes, I can go on deluding myself into believing I'm a good sub, because if he pushes I will obey and ultimately, enjoy the experience.

The question for me has become; can I push myself, can I step outside my comfort zone and give him the things I know he wants without him having to push me? Can I willingly offer him my submission in a form that really pleases him, but he won't ask for? I don't know the answer to that, yet, but I'm willing to try. That is a step in the right direction for me. It's a step I'm ready to take, even though it seems to be confusing him some.