Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Hot Fudge Sundaes

I'm not one to make New Year's resolutions, never really have been. If I was, I should really consider working on handling disappointment better. Cause I really suck at it these days. It's something I've been aware of for some time now. I've thought a lot about it and put it down to getting older and crochetier. Don't we all know, or have encountered those older folks that don't sensor anything they say anymore?

When outside influences conspired against us and we had no privacy for anything other then vanilla sex this weekend, I realized it's not an age thing. It's about being authentic, being the real me that I am now. Vanilla sex is definitely better then no sex at all. Sometimes, vanilla sex is what I want, well not really, but it's sometimes what he wants, that I can easily accept.

When we both want more then vanilla and we have no privacy for it, that's when I get really irritated. That's when I feel like I have to pretend to be someone I no longer am. I don't like it, not one little bit. I become resentful of whatever, or whomever I perceive as preventing me from being my authentic self. 

Like most adults in this world, I have, at times, sacrificed my own wants, needs and desires for the benefit of others in my life. I accepted those sacrifices at the time with no resentment at all. Becoming a mother is a prime example of that. Who among us hasn't made sacrifices for our kids? That's what parents do, I accept that.

I still make sacrifices for my kids, still put my own wants, needs and desires on the back burner when they need me too. Most of the time I don't resent it. When my wants get sent to the back burner because of stupid choices made, or actions taken by my adult children, I'm not so willing to accept it anymore.  I'm not so willing to live my life inauthentically, I'm not willing to pretend to be some one I no longer am.

I've reached a point in my life where I want what I want, when I want it. I don't expect any one to come along and hand it to me, I never have. I've always been willing to do the hard work to get what I want. When the hot fudge sundae is sitting there in plain sight, almost reachable, I'm going to go for it every time. Even if it means walking past the vanilla without even a consideration just because it's easier to reach. The only exception to that, is when he says no to the hot fudge sundae and hands me the vanilla, that I can accept.







16 comments:

  1. I so get what you are saying....it is time for me to be me...I can still be mom and grandma....but I do need more. Here's to both of us being successful in being kinder to ourselves!
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you understand abby. It sometimes seems selfish to want more, but I've come to realize, sometimes being selfish is a good thing. Now if I could just stopp feeling guilty about it :0

      Delete
  2. oh please please do..you (we) all deserve it.

    i've decided that i will treat myself to pretty things or yummy food a little more these days.

    instead of always worrying about being more responsible. i think i'm the most responsible person i know!

    also, i shall not cave and give in to expectations and then feel so stretched after that.

    good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny...I've often thought I'm the most responsible person I know too. Except for Musicman of course, the man is ridiculously responsible. But he thrives on it, I don't anymore. Good luck to all of us on being kinder to ourselves.

      Delete
  3. I'm definitely about I want what I want, when I want it. Guess it comes with a certain level of maturity (lol, better than old).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Growing up people always said I was way too mature for my age. Guess it's catching up with me now. I suppose it's time to reap the benefits of it :)

      Delete
  4. I understand exactly what you are saying. Unfortunately, with young people still at home in my household, it will be awhile before I can actually go straight to the chocolate and skip the vanilla every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A big part of my problem right now, is that I had a taste of the empty nest. I was able to indulge in all the hot fudge sundaes I wanted. I want it back.

      Delete
  5. I believe in going for what you want. I think you are and it makes me really happy for you. I'm in the dilemma of no longer knowing what I want and that's bothering me.

    Hugs,
    PK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really have always been one to go after what I want. It's just for so many years what I wanted was focused on my kids and family. I thought that was mostly behind me and it was now my time to focus on myself. It just isn't working out that way right now.

      This is a tough time of year for most people. Since you are still in holiday, family mode, maybe that is part of the problem?

      Delete
  6. Well said. I agree with all your points. I want the hot fudge sunday, but vanilla will do fine sometimes.

    Hug.
    joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really don't mind vanilla on occassion, when it is our choice. When it's forced on us by others, it's not so easy for me to accept.

      Delete
  7. If you ever figure out how to handle disappointment better, please please please let me know how. I sooooo struggle with that. I set myself up to NOT be disappointed by too often setting my expectations very low. It's not the right choice, but I don't know how to handle the disappointment that can follow otherwise.

    Good luck. Hope the hot fudge is as tasty as it looks!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've always had high expectations, of others and especially of myself. I've struggled to get it to a more reasonable level, but something about lowering that bar really bothers me. Especially when it is outside influences that are pushing me to lower it.

      Delete
  8. Very smart, not to disappoint yourself each year with New Years Resolutions.
    Go for the sundae. It's just there for the taking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Other then Musicman, I suck at commitments. I know this about myself, so why set myself up for failure?

      Believe me, when I get the chance, I'm grabbing that Sundae :)

      Delete