We're home and as much as I didn't want to leave, it is so good to be home. We stayed in my brother's room, they have a perfectly lovely double bed, but it ain't our king size water bed. We finally got a decent night's sleep, yay.
A 10 hour trip turned into 11 hours due to getting stuck in an accident induced traffic jam just five miles into the trip. Not the best of starts, but it was pretty uneventful after we cleared that mess. I usually enjoy the trip, we travel through the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah Valley, gorgeous country side. Unfortunately, this time I didn't enjoy the beauty around me, it just reminded me that each mile took me farther from where my heart wanted me to be. That just induced tears on my part.
I did have plenty of time to think while in the car. I realized that this experience is changing some of my limits. Like wiping them away changes. I've always believed in living for today because none of us are promised tomorrow. The mundaneness of day to day life can easily eclipse that kind of thinking though. This just brings that back to the forefront for me.
I thought about some of things that Musicman would like to try that are currently past my limits. I no longer think those limits apply. Now seems like a good time to get past my fears and inhibitions and just try it. What do I really have to loose? Nothing. He has always said if I tried things and didn't like them he wouldn't force me to do it. He's been true to his word too.
I think I was clinging to those limits like they were a security blanket. I realized that they aren't really protecting me from anything. They are inhibiting me from experiencing new things and growing within our relationship. Time to ditch the security blanket, methinks.
All the way home I kept hoping our daughter wouldn't be here so we could reconnect and have some playtime. Oddly, I was almost relieved when I got home and she was here. That confused me some. Where as just a few moments earlier I had been wanting playtime, I now thought I didn't and was grateful that we didn't have the privacy for it. I realize now I was just so physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted that I didn't know what I wanted.
Musicman, though just as exhausted as I was, did know what he wanted. He knew exactly what he wanted, me. We had only unpacked the stuff from the car that absolutely had to be unpacked, then we showered and I collapsed on the bed. That's when I started having a problem. Musicman wanted to play, but spanking or any other loud activities where off the table because of our daughter being home.
I thought that was okay, I thought that was what I wanted, soft, sweet reconnection. I had problems getting my head into the game though. I just couldn't focus on anything, erratic thoughts just kept swirling through my mind. Not surprising really, but I usually don't have much of a problem focusing once he lays his hands on me. Not so last night. Every time he would try and touch me or stroke me or stimulate me in any way, I would push him away and move myself away from him. Very unusual behavior for me.
Thank goodness I did have the presence of mind to tell him that was my issue. He looked at me for a moment, then he slapped me and said I better get my head in the game cause he wanted me. That was all it took, the damn broke, the erratic thoughts were gone. I was instantly in that lovely submissive head space. I immediately stopped pushing him away or trying to get myself away from him.
I was totally focused on him and the moment, the words he'd said running through my head, inflaming me even more. The next time he laid his hands on me, I was ready. Actually, I was more then ready, it didn't take long at all before I was floating off to subspace, my body convulsing in orgasm after orgasm. I alternately buried my face in the pillow or bit down on my own arm to stifle the screams escaping me.
Today, I'm back in my skirts, feeling more like myself and seriously thinking of just telling our daughter she needs to leave for a few hours. At 22, I think she's old enough to understand why we need some private time together and I have no qualms telling her that. Now that the damn's been broken, I'm ready to fly again.