Sunday, January 20, 2013

faerie flies again

We're home and as much as I didn't want to leave, it is so good to be home.  We stayed in  my brother's room, they have a perfectly lovely double bed, but it ain't our king size water bed. We finally got a decent night's sleep, yay. 

A 10 hour trip turned into 11 hours due to getting stuck in an accident induced traffic jam just five miles into the trip. Not the best of starts, but it was pretty uneventful after we cleared that mess. I usually enjoy the trip, we travel through the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Shenandoah Valley, gorgeous country side. Unfortunately, this time I didn't enjoy the beauty around me, it just reminded me that each mile took me farther from where my heart wanted me to be. That just induced tears on my part.

I did have plenty of time to think while in the car. I realized that this experience is changing some of my limits. Like wiping them away changes. I've always believed in living for today because none of us are promised tomorrow. The mundaneness of day to day life can easily eclipse that kind of thinking though. This just brings that back to the forefront for me.

I thought about some of things that Musicman would like to try that are currently past my limits. I no longer think those limits apply. Now seems like a good time to get past my fears and inhibitions and just try it. What do I really have to loose? Nothing. He has always said if I tried things and didn't like them he wouldn't force me to do it. He's been true to his word too.

I think I was clinging to those limits like they were a security blanket. I realized that they aren't really protecting me from anything. They are inhibiting me from experiencing new things and growing within our relationship. Time to ditch the security blanket, methinks.

All the way home I kept hoping our daughter wouldn't be here so we could reconnect and have some playtime. Oddly, I was almost relieved when I got home and she was here.  That confused me some. Where as just a few moments earlier I had been wanting playtime, I now thought I didn't and was grateful that we didn't have the privacy for it. I realize now I was just so physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted that I didn't know what I wanted.

Musicman, though just as exhausted as I was, did know what he wanted. He knew exactly what he wanted, me. We had only unpacked the stuff from the car that absolutely had to be unpacked, then we showered and I collapsed on the bed. That's when I started having a problem. Musicman wanted to play, but spanking or any other loud activities where off the table because of our daughter being home.

I thought that was okay, I thought that was what I wanted, soft, sweet reconnection.  I had problems getting my head into the game though. I just couldn't focus on anything, erratic thoughts just kept swirling through my mind. Not surprising really, but I usually don't have much of a problem focusing once he lays his hands on me. Not so last night.  Every time he would try and touch me or stroke me or stimulate me in any way, I would push him away and move myself away from him. Very unusual behavior for me.

Thank goodness I did have the presence of mind to tell him that was my issue. He looked at me for a moment, then he slapped me and said I better get my head in the game cause he wanted me. That was all it took, the damn broke, the erratic thoughts were gone. I was instantly in that lovely submissive head space. I immediately stopped pushing him away or trying to get myself away from him.

I was totally focused on him and the moment, the words he'd said running through my head, inflaming me even more. The next time he laid his hands on me, I was ready. Actually, I was more then ready, it didn't take long at all before I was floating off to subspace, my body convulsing in orgasm after orgasm. I alternately buried my face in the pillow or bit down on my own arm to stifle the screams escaping me.

Today, I'm back in my skirts, feeling more like myself and seriously thinking of just telling our daughter she needs to leave for a few hours. At 22, I think she's old enough to understand why we need some private time together and I have no qualms telling her that. Now that the damn's been broken, I'm ready to fly again.



30 comments:

  1. So glad you guys were able to reconnect and that Musicman was able to help you focus.

    I may need to think about your revelation of limits...may need to expand my horizon as well.

    btw...I thought we were the only people in the world who still slept on a king size water bed! hehe...I LOVE it!

    P

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    1. I'm not sure why I was clinging to those limits so hard, but not anymore. Doesn't necessarily mean I'm gonna do everything immediately, but I'm definitely more open to things now then I was.

      Our waterbed is the first piece of furniture we bought when we married, less then 6 months in as a matter of fact. After 26+ years, we're ruined for any other kind of bed :)

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  2. Replies
    1. I'm trying Bas. My wings are covered in snow at the moment, but I'm still trying :)

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  3. Growth...so challenging but it is always rewarding ;o)
    *hugs Faerie!*

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    1. Great point, and one I need to remember more often :)

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  4. I'm for whatever works for you and your Musicman seems to know what those things are. I think telling your daughter to give you some space is an excellent idea. Both so you'll get some and also so she knows that it is a necessity for you and realize that she is a guest in your space - and that someday you will want your privacy full time.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. I was surprised how well it worked, but work it did. I do believe I will be having a chat with my daughter soon, cause I NEED some private time, like NOW :)

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  5. I hope you get private time very soon. Enjoy your flight.

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  6. After the stress of the past couple weeks, it is not wonder you were struggling with head space. I am happy to hear you finally got to use those wings again...YES..do tell daughter, she is living uder your roof.
    hugs abby

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    1. I'm sure it was the stress and the exhaustion, I just couldn't get it together at all. Thank goodness he knew how to fix me.

      Definitely will be having a chat with my daughter soon. I'm sure she will be embarrassed, but I won't be :)

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  7. You seem to be in a good place. Yes. Your daughter should give you some space at 21.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thanks joey, I'm in a much better place then I've been recently and greedy slut that I am, I want MORE, MORE, MORE :)

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  8. I love that Musicman knew just how to get you in the mood. Very hot.

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    1. Yanno...he usually does, and thank goodness he does. I really needed what I had thought I didn't want. Yes, I'm fickle that way, lol :)

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  9. Good to see that you're flying again. And you sound like you are ready to push your limits. And I think your daughter will understand that you need more private time.

    FD

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    1. I'm sure my daughter will be embarrassed, but I also sure she will understand. Kinda funny how this situation with my brother made me realize that I am ready to push the limits. But I am a die hard optimist, always looking for the silver lining in any situation :)

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  10. Glad you are home safe and sound and that things are well between you and MM.

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    1. Thanks sunnygirl, it's good to be home, even though I'm torn about not being with my brother. If someone would just perfect cloning so I could have it all, lol :)

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  11. I know that feeling. It is like releasing a held breath when you first walk in the house after being away.
    I am so glad you were able to connect.
    I'm not sure I could ask my daughter to leave so we could have 'us' time. I would probably give her money for the show! Lol

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    1. Yep, that's the feeling alright :)

      I've always been open with my kids about sex and sexual matters. It will embarrass her more then it will me, lol.

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  12. I think, if we're very lucky, limits are meant to be pushed. When and if WE are ready. It sounds like you just might be up for some experimentation, and that's kind of exciting, no?

    Sara

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    1. Yes, it is exciting, a little scary maybe, but in a good way :)

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  13. I'm so glad, faerie,those things bring security, and I'm glad Musicman helped you find it. I hope all is better with your brother.

    And girl...you were in my neck of the woods! If you were on I81 you passed right by us! If Idda know, you coulda stopped by for chai ;)

    (((hugs)))

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    1. Knowing Ward is in the Navy, I did wonder if I was anywhere near you. Not that Norfolk is the only place that has Navy bases, but they have more then one huge base down there, so lots of navy guys everywhere.

      Progress with my brother is slow and he continues to have have small setbacks, but we are hopeful he will be out of the hospital soon.

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  14. Enjoy your flight together...I am glad you found some peace and reconnection. :-) Hugs, Terps

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    1. Thanks Terpsichore, I so needed that connection. Sex doesn't fix everything, but it certainly helps me feel better :)

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  15. Glad you are back and flying again! Reconnection is wonderful and I agree... your daughter needs to give you a bit of space for some more reconnecting!

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    1. Thanks Emi, it feels good to be back to some kind of normallcy. I'm gonna need to have a chat with my daughter very soon. I haven't yet, because I know she is gonna be embarrassed by it. Oh well, she'll get over it.

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