Monday, January 7, 2013

I'm Sorry

We've been on a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Saturday was a quiet day of chores and errands. By Saturday night outside influences caused Musicman to be tired, annoyed and cranky. I knew this and thought I was prepared for it, but he surprised me.

He was less then honest with himself and me. I don't believe he was intentionally dishonest. I believe he was guided by antiquated, preconceived notions of obligation too me. That resulted in him asking for something he didn't really want. I was aware of all this, but I didn't speak up. I wanted to give him what he said he wanted.

Unfortunately, he sometimes forgets how sensitive I am, that I pickup very clearly on the undercurrents of energy he puts out. I knew he didn't want what he said he wanted, but I did it anyway. This happens on occasion and it never ends well. It didn't this time either.

When this happens I become overwhelmed with frustration. That leads to doubts, questions, me feeling devalued and ignored. I withdraw, then he does the same thing. That just fuels the feelings of rage that build in me.

I try very hard to keep my mouth shut and deal with it. I know if I open my mouth, I will attack. I will say mean, hurtful things that I really don't mean, but can't be taken back. I know that doesn't help anything, but I'm not always successful at keeping my mouth shut either.

In times past when this happened it has taken days, up to a week for me to work my way through everything and come back to him. I always need his help to come back completely. The longer it goes on the more it takes to bring me back.

I can say, that while I am making strides in working through all the conflicting, violent emotions, it continues to take time. We spent the day apart yesterday, barely talking. When we did talk, it was not good and accomplished nothing.

We both have work today, that will distract us some. Maybe tonight we will be able to talk and get something resolved. I do not blame him for this incident, it is as much my fault as it is his. I know we will get through this, I just need to find the right words to make that happen.

I know what my first words will be: I'm sorry.



30 comments:

  1. I'm sorry is always the best place to start...I am sure He is sorry also....hugs...
    abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks abby, I know he is sorry too. This is a reoccurring thing that he sometimes struggles with. We will continue to work on it until we get it figured out.

      Delete
  2. Relationships don't last with out those most important words. They are hard to say. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, relationships don't last without these words. Once I calm down, I usually don't have too hard of a time saying it. It's the calming down part that I struggle with.

      Delete
  3. Don't wait till he get's home. Text him. That way the road is already paved for when you get together tonite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good idea, unfortunately, we don't have cell phones. Yes, I know, I'm a dinosaur, lol :)

      Delete
  4. it's nice to know for sure that you'll get thru something. i'm beginning to realise that I'm sorry is a very good way to start. instead of pointing fingers and laying blame.

    good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is only one thing I can think of that would permamanently harm "us". Needless to say, neither of us would ever consider doing that thing. I've never been one one to point fingers or lay blame, but I do like to find the cause, then we can fix it :)

      Delete
  5. Sorry is always a good place to start. Says me, who has no trouble apologising whatsoever :)
    Good luck


    Dee x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I truly don't have a problem apologizing when I know I'm in the wrong. It's getting to the point of realizing I contributed to the problem that sometimes takes a while.

      Delete
  6. Sorry is the best place to start...and learning to listen to that intuition that said "this isn't working"....

    Sending lots of hugs and whammies for clarity!

    nilla

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yanno the worst part? I have identified as an empath for longer than I've known Musicman. I KNOW without a doubt that when I don't listen to my intuition, bad thinga happen. Not real sure why this situation keeps tripping me up, but it does.

      Delete
  7. Yes, sorry is a good starting point, always.
    When I understand it correctly, the whole problem is caused by both of you wanting to do something for the other, against both you're better judgements.
    Time for conversation, starting with sorry!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You summarized that up quite well :) We've talked about this before and probably will again. It's just something he is struggling with that effects both of us. Obviously I need to find a better way to help.

      Delete
  8. (((Hugs))) disconnect is hard, reconnecting even harder. I often text in these circumstances too, find it so much easier and it starts the ball rolling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks mamacrow, we don't have cell phones and I don't know how to text. I know, kinda unheard of in this day and age, but that's us.

      Delete
    2. email instead?

      or, as you've done, blog (does he read?)

      Delete
  9. Saying I'm sorry is always a good way to begin. And then maybe a conversation about when you feel his heart isn't in it, you can ask him if a raincheck would be a good idea. Communication is always good. Good luck in dealing with this.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I definitely need a better way to handle these situations, cause the I have handled them sure hasn't worked.

      Delete
  10. I'm with Bas...if you know that he doesn't really want it, then why do it? He shouldn't ask when he knows the same...but you can control what you do - not as well what he does. It seems like you both set yourselves up for inevitable failure.

    It really sucks when you see it comming and end in an insulated, angry and hurt place. I'm sure Sorry will be a great place to start...and you saying your sorry is very selfless and kind of you.

    Good luck...positive energies coming your way!!!

    Hugs,
    ~fiona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm...good question, Why do I do it when I know it's not what he wants? Because even though I know he doesn't want it, I know why he is asking for it. It stems from a long ingrained way of thinking, about the right way to treat a lady, that he has. It's not a bad thing, just sometimes it would be better if he could let it go.

      Delete
  11. Someone always needs to take the first step! I guess it makes it easier when we understand, their emotions better than they do.
    Hope it works out happily soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It did work out okay, and yeah, understanding where he is coming from makes it easier to take the first step. I just wish I could remember that I understand when I'm stuck in it.

      Delete
  12. Awh, sorry to hear you had to go through that :( I've been put in that situation before too -- deciding if I should do something he "asked" for but didn't "really" ask for. But, it sounds like you have a plan, I hope the conversation goes well for you two. ((((hugs))))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't that he didn't "really" ask, he did. He just "really" want what he asked for. The reasons for him doing that are long ingrained in him and change has been in slow, small increments.

      Delete
  13. I think I know kind of what you are describing. I always just think MEN!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tend to think, I wish he'd just get over already". That's not gonna happen easily though, so we'll keep working on it.

      Delete
  14. I hope you both work this out soon Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, we have. And, we'll continue working on ways to prevent it from happening again. That's the real challenge.

      Delete