I've often wondered how we setup this everyday D/s dynamic so early on in our relationship, without me realizing it. After much thinking I did realize that even though it is a D/s dynamic, I never thought of it that way. I thought of it as us learning to communicate well and learning what was important for each of us in this relationship. That is the dynamic we set up and just never really sought to give it a name.
After the events of this weekend, I no longer care how we did it, I'm just glad we did. I'm glad that it's been in place so long that it comes naturally for both of us. It's not something that we need to think about constantly or even put much effort into actively doing anymore. It's just there, and that's very comforting in times of stress.
Musicman finally succumbed to the bug that has plagued him all week, he's sick. So, even though we finally had an empty house, playtime was not on the agenda. I'm a little disappointed, but, more accepting of the fact that it is that way. He offered, but I knew he didn't really have the energy for it. Poor guy is running a fever, all over body aches and many other gross things I won't share with ya'll. No need to gross everyone out.
I also realized that even though a nice long spanking and large amounts of pain would give me some momentary relief, that's all it would be, momentary. I'd take momentary, if he was feeling better. What I really need from him, I'm already getting. Support and love as I struggle with the tears and fears. I'm not afraid to admit that my brother might die, or that I can't quite handle that.
I'm frustrated because there isn't much for me to do right now. My brother lives almost 900 miles away. I've been in almost constant contact, but that's a bit of a double edged sword. He isn't doing well, he's been in extreme amounts of pain and they aren't managing it well. That just inspires me to go kick some Navy doctor butts from here to kingdom come. There's a reason Musicman tells everyone that when it comes to his health, I'm his pitbull, it's cause I am.
I'm not intimidated by doctor's and don't accept what they tell me as gospel. I don't pay any attention to rules or commonly accepted behavior. If my loved one is not getting top notch, quality care, I'm gonna know the reason why. When I know the reason, I'm not gonna accept it. I'm going to insist that they do more and keep doing more until everything humanly possible has been done. If I trample on toes along the way, so be it. If they hadn't stuck them in my way I wouldn't have trampled on them. I am a force to be reckoned with, and the Navy doc's are about to find that out.
Musicman and I had already started making plans to travel, we are just waiting for the word and to finalize plans at our jobs. My sister-in-law is as much of a pitbull about her family as I am and she's doing a great job of fighting for him. I'm giving her advice long distance as she needs and trying hard not to just jump in my car and go. She reached the end of her rope sometime during the night last night and raised enough of a ruckus to get the docs out of bed and too the hospital to do something around 3:00 this morning. He's now on a morphine pump and doing a little better with the pain. She's not left the hospital since he was admitted 3 days ago, and knowing her hasn't consumed anything but coffee. She's stubborn and won't admit she needs help, but she has asked us to come.
Plans aren't firm yet, but most likely I'll be on my way south within just a few short days. Best case scenario is major surgery, we already know that. I want to be there when it occurs. I know what it's like to be all alone at times like that and I want to prevent her form having to experience it. She has all her boys with her, but she's a Mom, she's not gonna break down in front of them or lean on them too heavily. My other brother and sister-in-law will be going at some point too. My sisters-in-law are first cousins too each other. We all 6 get along very well and usually have a great time when we are together.
This will not be party time as usual, but it will be very comforting to have everyone together to hold each other up as we get through this. Look out Dixie, here comes the pitbull.