I'm feeling so sad tonight, for so many reasons. Holidays often do that to me lately. Memories of so many loved ones lost. Where once there was chaos and laughter, celebrating, decorations and food galore, there is now silence, an emptiness I no not how to fill.
There are no longer, generations gathering. No more do I see, Great Grandma, cradling the latest Grandbaby. No more are the big burly men, brothers all, sons following in their footsteps, loud and jovial.
The women gathering in the kitchen, their mission, to feed their men and nurture their children. Fellowship and love abound. As each one passed, I missed it more. It was a wonderful gift that I long to hang on to.
I feel inept, unable to bring them back, unable to move forward. I have not the wisdom, nor life experience needed. I am a poor substitute for what is so very much desired.
I would hide away, lose myself within the pain. Oh, that some one would make the world go away. Alas, that is also not meant to be.
I grab desperately for the moments that are no longer destined to be. They set me into a tail spin, wishing for escape. Knowing, always knowing, this is a wish I will not realize.
Despite my attempts to fight, my attempts to quell them, the tears brim over. I reach up to frantically flick them away. Now is not the time for weakness, now, is a time for celebration, a time for family, a time for love.
I will do my best, to pretend, hoping all the while that no one see's past the veil.