A rough night last night led to a rough morning. It could have all been avoided if only he had answered one question. It was an important question, one I have a right to have an answer to, but he didn't give me that answer.
This all goes back to the issue that has been plaguing Musicman for the last few months. The one in which I have stood by his side and completely supported him through, even though it was sometimes to my detriment.
We've had several conversations about this issue, I have expressed my thoughts and wishes repeatedly to him, to no avail. The most recent conversation was less than a week ago. I expressly asked him not to do something that he has been doing. I asked him not to do this thing because it has been putting us in a very difficult situation.
So, what did he do? He went and did the very thing I asked him not to do, again. When I asked for clarification, he was unable, or unwilling, to provide it. And then he wonders why I get pissed off. Really? How would he feel if I disrespected him that way? He wouldn't like it even one little bit.
Now, let me say that I understand why he is making these poor decisions, it is based in fear. An irrational fear that springs from his past. That kinda pisses me off too. If I can work as hard as I have, to face and conquer my past, then I feel he should at least make some small attempt to face his.
Instead he throws his doomsday scenario in my face like a threat. Let me just say, I have lived through his doomsday scenario, many years before I met him. I had no one to help me either. I had to figure it all out for myself and I did. Here is the funny thing about facing and conquering your fears, once you do, they no longer hold any fear or control over you.
The result of this incident, this whole situation really is, I no longer trust him to make the best decisions for us in this area of our life. At the very least, I feel he owes me an apology, then he needs to work really hard at regaining my trust.
We have discussed me taking over control in this area. That is something neither one of us wants, I highly doubt he would even be able to tolerate that. Or, we have also discussed me taking control of my contributions to this situation. I have no problems doing that, but he definitely does. He has already tried telling me how I am to do it. No, that isn't gonna fly with me. If I am taking control, I will do as I see fit and that won't be in any way, shape or form as to how he thinks it should be done.
Or, there is a third option, I could hit him upside the head with a brick and hope it knocks some sense into him and he will start actually hearing me when I speak. He will remember that we are both on the same team and that I am not a weak or stupid woman. He will learn to set his pride aside on occasion and accept help, even if it's just from me. Only time will I suppose as to how this all washes out. For the moment, Musicman has one very pissed off faerie to deal with.