Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Women, Sex and the Media

I'm currently in between jobs, yes, again, but that's not what I want to talk about. I'm home every day, I don't especially do well with silence, so I usually have the TV or stereo on. I prefer to have the stereo on, but I only know one level for the stereo, extra loud. Having a sleeping teenager in the house has prevented me from doing that of late, so I have the TV on all day long for back ground noise.

I've noticed a trend that I find quite disturbing. There have been a few female celebrities that have recently stood up to say positive things about sex. That has been met with quite a bit of criticism. The general consensus is that sex is something of an obligation for women.

This is not necessarily a new concept for me. I very distinctly remember my Mother telling me sex was something "you put up with". I remember her saying, " just lay there and let him do what he wants, don't think about it and it will be over soon."

Thank goodness, I didn't believe her, I did not embrace that mindset. Because of the way I was raised, because of the incest that occurred, sex has been a part of my life for my whole life. It started out as something very, very negative, I could have left it as that. I chose not to do that. I took the journey that I needed to take to transform the negative into a positive.

Some may judge the way I went about doing that. Some have judged me. My own family members, knowing what my background was, have called me names, slut and whore were two of there favorites. It hurt at the time, but I continued on undeterred, because I knew they were wrong, because I was not willing to accept what they wanted to force feed me.

I learned that my body is capable of incredible things, incredible pleasure, that I have yet to find in any other way. I learned that if this act is carried out with one you love, the connection is like no other in this world. It touches my soul, like nothing else can. It's a small slice of heaven here on earth.

I was always very frank with both my kids. I taught them that sex, within a loving relationship, is the very best thing. I also made sure to teach them to respect themselves and not to let people use them. I taught them to be responsible about sex, a concept my daughter clearly didn't get, but that isn't because I didn't try.

It makes me sad that society today still can't seem to embrace the fact that for women, sex can be a good thing. It makes me sad that we still can't talk about it in a positive way. Yes, I understand sex is not everyones focus.

I believe, that if given the opportunity to explore, in a safe and positive environment, without judgement, sex can be a very fulfilling activity. It creates energy and connections to others that you can't achieve elsewhere.

I'm left wondering: what is it going to take for society to change? How long will it be before sex is not presented to women as denigrating? Society as a whole exploits women and sexuality to sell every thing under the sun, but let a woman step forward and say she enjoys sex, and they cut her down and criticize her for that. Does this seem a bit hypocritical to anyone?

14 comments:

  1. I do think in many aspects society has come a long way in embracing sex, and seeing it as being something to be enjoyed, of course there are always going to be those that want to put it in the 'box' of being a necessity..a chore..but i think thats dying out.

    I think personally that considering the abuse you experienced, and that you can enjoy sex and embrace it is something wanderful when many dont.

    Its not for anyone to judge how you turned a negative into a positive...they have not travelled in your shoes.

    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure part of the problem is that I am overly sensitive to stuff like this. I have taken a lot of ridicule over the years for voicing the fact that I like sex. That horrifies most of the women I know, which horrifies me, lol.

      Delete
  2. As Tori said, congrats on your journey. And congrats for you giving your kids positive lessons about sex. I thought things were going to change for women back in the '60s with the so-called sexual revolution when the pill was supposed to liberate women and books likes Our Bodies, Ourselves were supposed to give them more positive images of their bodies. Alas, we still have a long way to go but I think it would help if mothers would give their daughters a more positive view on sex. And good luck on finding another job.

    FD

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, don't even get me started on women's body image and the media. They do such a huge disservice to women with the impossible ideals they promote. It's very toxic for young women who buy into the idea that if they are not a perfect size zero they aren't good enough. It's a battle I've fought for my own daughter for many years.

      Delete
  3. I'm so impressed that you could turn such a terrible negative into a positive. I think things ate changing, just slowly. With more mothers like you, it'll change faster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The problem I have is that when I look around the real world I can't find other mother's like me. I don't know why, but even the young women I know have the outlook that sex is something to be tolerated and actively avoided at all costs. I have a bad habit of telling them if they aren't ennjoying it, someone must be doing something wrong, lol. That always gets me horrified looks and usually end the conversation quickly.

      Delete
  4. The stigma around women you openly state their enjoyment of sex has changed over the years and yet we still have so far to go. It seems to me the movies geared toward the preteen and teenage children do not help at all. Calling peers sluts and whores for kissing boys, its just terrible, it does not set good examples.

    The thing you states that struck a chord with me was "the loving relationship". It does make a huge difference and people should be proud of being sexually connected to someone they love in that way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is what I have worked hard to impart to both my kids, that sex within a loving relationship is good, necessary even. But, I'm just one voice in a world that tells them otherwise and that bothers me.

      Delete
  5. I started a whole long comment but to what purpose. The factions who promote the "sex is to be endured and not enjoyed" will not be reading here so it will just be preaching to the choir.

    To overcome the adversity you endured and still be able to enjoy sex, the way it was meant to be enjoyed, is a testament to your strength and the love of a good man. Hopefully, although your daughter did not heed your advice, she may have learned a lesson and will pass those teachings on to her child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true, those folks do not read here, maybe they shouls, they might learn something, lol.

      I sometimes wish I could share blogs like this one with my kids, so they would have a better understanding of what I have been trying to teach them. I never will, but I sometimes wonder if I did what they would take from it.

      Delete
  6. The word sex itself does not help to change perspectives, it can mean a simple physical act or joyous love-making, it implies gender and appearance - looking sexy is either seen as positive or negative. Making it something of beauty, enjoyment and pleasure doesn't seem to be the media's agenda and in this media driven world, it is a pity.
    Your journey is remarkable proof of what 'sex' can be - fulfilling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is disturbing to see young kids these days being bombarded with all the negative talk about sex, while also being bombarded with impossible to achieve images of perfection. No wonder they are confused about what a healthy body image and relationship look like. I am at least grateful that my kids grew up seeing both in their own home, even if it didn't erase all the stigma that society seems to impose.

      Delete
  7. It is true this is the way society is, it isn't right and hopefully in the future it will change.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suppose compared to the way it was in generations past it is slowly changing. The key word there would be slowly and that os problematic for me.

      Delete