I need a time machine so I can go back in time and change my answer. It was Sunday, I was having a bit of a down day. I did a pretty good job of containing it. I knew Musicman was tired and didn't really have the energy to deal with me.
I wasn't out of control or crying or anything else. I was just a bit quiet. That's always an indication for him that something is off with me. He asked me a few times what was wrong. My answer was always nothing, I'm fine. We both know when I say I'm fine, I'm not. But I didn't want to tell him what the problem was.
The reason I didn't want to tell him what the problem was is because the problem was him. He was tired, when he gets tired he disengages. He can be in the same room with me physically, but he is a long way from being with me. That makes me sad and it doesn't help that there isn't anything I can do but wait for him to come back to me. I also never want to tell him what is going on because he gets defensive. That never helps the situation, so I stay quiet.
At one point he came over to where I was sitting and pulled me up and said he was going to take me up stairs and help me feel better. That means he is going to spank me. I'm a spanko, I always want that, unless I'm feeling a bit off. Then I try to talk my way out of it. If I'm trying to talk my way out of it, it's a sure indication I really need it.
Usually, trying to talk him out of giving me a spanking doesn't work. It did work Sunday, he backed down and left me alone. We finished the day the way we had begun, with me being quiet and him being disengaged. Not the best of days for us.
He tried to fix things Monday morning by waking me up with a spanking and sex. It was great, but just didn't quite pull me all the way back. Sometimes when I'm feeling off I need more then usual and that was the case Monday. Unfortunately I've never been able to voice that fact. Just another thing I need to work on I guess.
Musicman had the day off from work and we both really wanted to have a nice day together. Our plans for the day got rained out so we just did some errands and house work. I wish I could say it was a lovely day and things were great. That would be a lie.
Things weren't bad, just a bit strained. We aren't connecting well and I don't know how to fix it. I did something I shouldn't have done that has made the situation worse. I need a time machine so I can go back to Sunday. I want to change my answer please.