I've been struggling through a really crappy mood the last couple days. No real reason for it other then I'm female and it happens sometimes. I hate that. The only good thing about this episode is that it hasn't been quite as intense as it usually is.
Musicman wanted to play last night, and I wasn't too interested. That is monumentally unusual for me. I pretty much always want to play. I didn't refuse, I figured maybe once we got started I would feel better and get into it some.
He used the flogger. I love the flogger. Not last night. It usually sends me right into subspace. Not last night. I spent sometime giving him a blow job. I really enjoy doing that and it usually helps me get into the right headspace. Not last night.
The flogger felt fine, but just fine, no subspace. I enjoyed giving him a blowjob, but it didn't help me get into the right headspace. There were orgasms for both of us, but I didn't achieve the mental orgasm that usually accompanies the physical one. The only real good thing I can say about the whole episode is that it didn't cause me to spiral further down.
I didn't get upset or go all crazy on him. I thanked him for trying to make me feel better. It did make me feel better, just not as well as it usually does. I assured him it wasn't his fault and that he didn't do anything wrong. He has done such a great job recently of reading my moods and doing everything he can to help me when I get down. I don't know why it didn't work as well this time, but I didn't want him to question himself.
He asked me what was going on, what was stressing me out. I couldn't answer, cause I don't know. Sure, it is probably hormones run amok, but I get tired of saying that. I know it's not exactly something I can control, but I want to. I guess I haven't completely accepted that fact yet.
We were both up early this morning getting ready for work. There was lots of holding me close and telling me he loves me. Asking me if I was okay and was I sure when I said yes. I was okay, and I was sure about that. I just felt a bit off. I don't think there was really anything more either one of us could do about the whole situation at that moment.
We have the whole weekend ahead of us and I am starting to feel more like my flighty, happy self again. We have no major plans or things that must be done. I'm expecting a plain brown box to arrive tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be stormy for most of the weekend, maybe we will just stay inside and play all weekend. That should banish the blahs.