Monday, August 13, 2012

The Perseids are messing with our chi

Sometimes I just have too many things running around in my head. Trying to catch a thought becomes difficult. It's like trying to catch a particular string from the tail of a tornado, impossible. That's usually when I start grabbing at random strings. Identifying and discarding as I go, until I can more plainly see the knot.

We had a lovely but somewhat frustrating weekend. We were both just a bit off. I sometimes think we both set very high expectations for ourselves, too. I've learned it's good to set high standards, but I've also learned you don't always achieve them on the first attempt. I think that is part of what my frustration is stemming from, a first attempt that didn't go as well we might have liked.

There were a few reasons that happened. Poor timing for one, it seemed to plague us all weekend. Saturday afternoon, lolling in a post sex haze, promises of more to come in both our minds. The phone rings, our son, a minor accident, a possible trip to the ER. SPLAT! Reality, right in the face.

I don't panic when it comes to dealing with this kind of thing. I become very clinical and efficient, very large and in charge, of everything. Musicman doesn't panic either, he takes direction very well and we make a strong team. Our son is fine, I patched him up with little, too no drama whatsoever. But, the whole incident brought up other issues that took us even further from a playful mood. 

We love our son very much, but he's been difficult to deal with lately. These issues could be ones that come between us if we let them. We have always worked hard not to let them come between us, but it's not always quick or easy. We were both just a bit tense the rest of the evening. We did eventually have a very nice encounter. But, I don't think either one of us was really in the right place mentally for it. 

I think that is another reason things were a bit off this weekend. Musicman just never seemed to get to the right place, he tried, and maybe if things with our son hadn't happened he would have. I don't know. The thing is, no one seemed at all surprised when I said Musicman admitted to not always feeling dominant. I wanted to just scream, BUT, YOU DON"T GET IT.  Then of course I remembered all the things I know, that you don't.

From where I sit, the dominance never really goes away. It reaches into all areas of our life, at varying levels.  It always has. Him being dominant or being the one in charge, is nothing new. Even he has admitted this before, several times. The intensity levels in some areas of our life, or the ways of expressing it, are new. That is what we struggled with this weekend, and sometimes weekends in the past.

I do understand that, now, but understanding does not bring an instant fix. We are working on it, and it certainly wasn't a bad weekend. There were many parts that were quite wonderful, but I think we both found it a bit frustrating too.  Or, maybe it was the Perseid meteor shower messing with our chi.



20 comments:

  1. Yeah, I have noticed that setting high standards for a weekend for example, never works out. So I personally try to not do that. I am glad your son is okay. DH is horrible in such situations, and I usually am the dominant one when something that expectant happens. I don't like it, but he is still struggling with it. I would love for DH to be dominant in all aspects of our lives, but the truth is, he is still struggling with some of it, and we are still figuring it out. Sometimes I have to remember to take a step back and let him do his thing.

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    1. I'm a professional health care worker, it's a logical choice for us :) Sometimes taking a step back is the best thing to do, and usually the hardest.

      In my opinion, if we are doing it at all right, we will always be figuring it out. And by "it" I mean life.

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  2. Boy does this post hit home regarding the difficult teens and their not so 'good' decisions. I certainly hope your son is alright. I am trying hard to step back and let my husband handle some of that craziness, but honest to God I just want to jump in the fray!
    I am glad you were able to reclaim some of the weekend.

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    1. I have had to take a step back and let Musicman handle more of it recently. I've hit a point with my son that I just can't remain calm and productive and all that happy crap. He's making decisions that break my heart the way only a child can.

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  3. I'm glad it turned out okay, and that you are understanding. You are wise, "understanding doesn't bring an instant fix".

    Isn't that the truth? :)

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    1. If by wise, you mean old, yes I am, lol.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment, I know your time is limited :)

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  4. Great insight. Teenagers interupting and never quite getting to the where you need or want to be seems to be the theme at our house. Your words of wisdom are very timely and very helpful.

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    1. I mistakenly thought my daughter would be the harder teenager. While she was a challenge also, we both survived, lol. My son is currently giving me a run for my money and it remains to be seen who is going to win. I'm always happy to be of help :)

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  5. Yeah, chalk it up to the damn meteor shower and screwed up chi. :) Sorry for the stressful weekend!

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    1. Ahh...such is life. It's just very nice to have someplace safe to release it all :)

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  6. Glad to hear that the teen is ok- in the end that is all that matters. Those damn meteors messing with all of us- I'm so not a fan. But you may be on to something with those "expectations" - i'm going to have to think about that.

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    1. Thank you, he is doing fine :) I've noticed a lot of us seem to be out of synch, energies are all messed up. It's gotta be the meteor showers :)

      I've found that sometimes, expectations are easier to see in hindsight. Until then they are just aspirations of things to come.

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  7. Those expectations are pesky, no? They always trip me up, it's hard not to imagine and be excited for something that you believe will happen. Generally, it's that excitement that boosts you through. Then again, it hurts when it doesn't turn out as planned. Agh.

    Glad to hear your son is okay.

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    1. It's a high wire balancing act, aspirations on one side, expectations on the other. Which one do you reach out and grab?

      My son is going to be fine, thank you :)

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  8. Having expectations, yep...... I think I know this story lol! Glad your son is ok :)

    Dee x

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    1. I'd like to change books, now...please, lol :)

      He'll be fine, unless he keeps pushing me, then all bets are off.

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  9. Sometimes it's like that for us too. Our teenager has been more argumentative as of late. I know it's part of him trying to navigate the transition to adulthood, but goodness if he doesn't push JUST the right/wrong buttons sometimes.

    Gotta watch out when chi gets cheeky.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. Oh yeah they definitely know how to push the buttons, and my son has been camped on mine lately. This is our second one, our daughter is 22. I survived that, and it gives me hope I will survive this too :) Good luck with yours, I hope he doesn't break your heart.

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  10. There will be a time that your son understands that it is not wise to try out "divide and rule" on his parents.
    But all kids do it, especially the smart ones.
    A definite problem of having a earth scattering fantastic relationship is that you get used to it.
    Sometimes it just is a very lit bit less earth scattering. Ups and Downs, that's what they call it.
    I don't think you can blame it on a few little sand grains that were lost many years ago by the comet Swift-Tuttle.

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    1. Oh, our kids learned very early on that divide and conquer does not work with us. That has never worked, we vowed before we had our first child, that our children would not come between us. It's one we have always respected. We just handle the stress, of situations with our kids a bit differently. Not surprisingly, he is much better at it then I am.

      And, yes, I can blame the meteors if I want too, lol. I am a big believer in the energy of the universe and my place in it. Mine energy has been messed up lately, and from what I've been reading, not just mine.

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