Sometimes I just have too many things running around in my head. Trying to catch a thought becomes difficult. It's like trying to catch a particular string from the tail of a tornado, impossible. That's usually when I start grabbing at random strings. Identifying and discarding as I go, until I can more plainly see the knot.
We had a lovely but somewhat frustrating weekend. We were both just a bit off. I sometimes think we both set very high expectations for ourselves, too. I've learned it's good to set high standards, but I've also learned you don't always achieve them on the first attempt. I think that is part of what my frustration is stemming from, a first attempt that didn't go as well we might have liked.
There were a few reasons that happened. Poor timing for one, it seemed to plague us all weekend. Saturday afternoon, lolling in a post sex haze, promises of more to come in both our minds. The phone rings, our son, a minor accident, a possible trip to the ER. SPLAT! Reality, right in the face.
I don't panic when it comes to dealing with this kind of thing. I become very clinical and efficient, very large and in charge, of everything. Musicman doesn't panic either, he takes direction very well and we make a strong team. Our son is fine, I patched him up with little, too no drama whatsoever. But, the whole incident brought up other issues that took us even further from a playful mood.
We love our son very much, but he's been difficult to deal with lately. These issues could be ones that come between us if we let them. We have always worked hard not to let them come between us, but it's not always quick or easy. We were both just a bit tense the rest of the evening. We did eventually have a very nice encounter. But, I don't think either one of us was really in the right place mentally for it.
I think that is another reason things were a bit off this weekend. Musicman just never seemed to get to the right place, he tried, and maybe if things with our son hadn't happened he would have. I don't know. The thing is, no one seemed at all surprised when I said Musicman admitted to not always feeling dominant. I wanted to just scream, BUT, YOU DON"T GET IT. Then of course I remembered all the things I know, that you don't.
From where I sit, the dominance never really goes away. It reaches into all areas of our life, at varying levels. It always has. Him being dominant or being the one in charge, is nothing new. Even he has admitted this before, several times. The intensity levels in some areas of our life, or the ways of expressing it, are new. That is what we struggled with this weekend, and sometimes weekends in the past.
I do understand that, now, but understanding does not bring an instant fix. We are working on it, and it certainly wasn't a bad weekend. There were many parts that were quite wonderful, but I think we both found it a bit frustrating too. Or, maybe it was the Perseid meteor shower messing with our chi.