Monday, August 6, 2012

TTWD, Making a Great Thing Better

In the comments on my last post Bas left a comment asking if I was aware that most couples need a half a year for all those activities. He went on to say a scientific study should be conducted on TTWD and sex. That got me thinking, so you can blame Bas for this post.

First, I love science and am all for a scientific study. Where do I sign up to volunteer as a test subject? As for "most couples", well we aren't most couples. We never have been. Like most women of my generation I was raised by a mother that taught me sex was something to be tolerated when my husband wanted it. There was never any mention of enjoying it or having any expectation of enjoyment. For many reasons I won't go into now, I didn't believe her.

I'm also not one of those women who has ever used sex as a weapon or a tool for manipulation. In fact, before we were married that was something we talked about. It was very important to ME that HE promise that would never happen. I grew up with a prime example of the damage that kind of thinking could do and would not tolerate it in my relationship.

Just doing it because he wanted sex was also not something either one of us would tolerate. He has always wanted a willing, participating partner and so have I. There have been times over the years when we have tried things that just didn't work for one or the other of us. If we couldn't figure out how to make it work for both of us it was off the table. We even dabbled some with D/s and spanking back then, it was okay, but for some reason it just didn't interest us enough to really pursue it. Oh, how times change.

We have never been the type of couple who got to the point where we lived like room mates and went long periods of time without sex. In fact, we have never gone a week without sex unless it involved a serious health issue. I say a serious health issue because Musicman taught me very early on that such things as headaches,cramps and minor aches and pains can be cured with a healthy bout of sex. It wasn't just something he said, he proved it to me, repeatedly, until I believed him. He was very convincing, it didn't take long for me to believe him.

Sex has always been our connection and we've always had a healthy, active sex life. Yes, there were times when life got hectic and we didn't have as much time as we wanted to be together. Those were the times when we sat down, planned and scheduled time to be together. That's how important maintaining that connection is to us.

TTWD is not about anything other then sex and our connection for us. It was something I wanted to explore to fulfill a need in myself. It was never about fixing our relationship, nothing was broken. And, outside the bedroom, not much has changed. That's the way we like it and that's the way we want it. TTWD is an individual thing that should be explored and implemented in accordance with what each couple is trying to achieve.

Exploring TTWD has always been about me finally having the time to explore myself and who I really am as a sexual woman. I spent a lot of years being very proud of the fact that I survived the abuse I grew up with. I was proud of the fact that I took control of my own sexual life and fulfillment. Now I am proud to say I am strong enough to recognize I want to give up that control. That is directly due to the person he is and the love and trust between us. I could never consider doing this with anyone but him.

I am pretty vocal in real life about the fact that I not only like sex, I love it. For me, sex is something to be celebrated. Not a popular or particularly accepted view of sex given the reactions of most people I meet. Musicman and I both have friends that complain the wife never gives it up, or the husband just wants sex. We hear the negative, though socially acceptable comments like this all the time. My best friend is happily married, but freely admits she hasn't had sex in years. I don't understand it, but I don't need to understand it, as long as she is happy.

No we are not like most couples, but I've never been like most women. I certainly don't recommend that anyone go through what I did while growing up. So many don't recover, don't survive or thrive. But for some reason, I did survive and I thrived. TTWD is just another avenue for us to explore on the way to making a great thing even better. A continued growth of our relationship, as we take the next step down the road of life together.

27 comments:

  1. Wonderful post, Faerie. A testament to the love between you and MM.

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    1. Thanks Sunnygirl :) I sometimes surprise myself when I look back at what I have written. I'm always happy when people read and enjoy it.

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  2. I think most couples do have a more enjoyable and regular sex life and its those that dont that are more than likely in the minority. I think most people have a more healthier view of sex in general, times are a changing lol

    Yes it would be interesting to have some hard facts pertaining to ttwd and sex, personally i enjoy sex but its not the most important aspect of my relationship.

    In regards to ttwd i would say my situation differs in that i activily sought out an M/s dynamic rather than it progressing in an already established relationship so it didnt come directly from exploring sex...does that make sense?

    An interesting topic.

    x

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    1. You obviously know different people then me, lol. I am glad that times are changing, just wish it would go a little faster maybe.

      It does make sense :) And yet, there is still a commonality in our differences. That's what I love about this community.

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  3. THat is how ttwd is starting to work for us too. It seems we are finally finding us in this lifestyle and how we want to do something. I am always happy to read people figuring things like this out for themselves. Big smile!

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    1. It is nice to have those break through moments, when things just work, and work well :) I hope we both have a lot of those moments.

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  4. I love being able to blame Bas for something for a change!

    I think this is great and I'm really happy for both of you. I wish I could say the same, but I can say that it is so very much better since TTWD. I really do wish that there were some studies done on the improvement of sex after the introduction of TTWD. You may all ready be better than normal, but I'd like to be in the research.

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Somehow, I knew you would enjoy blaming Bas :)

      If I seem in anyway, "better then normal", it's just because I was so acutely aware of being "not normal" before. That's okay, it just means I can't be in the control group in the study, lol. The research would still be tons of fun ;)

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  5. Perfect! I am so happy for you. Doesn't every relationship evolve? Why shouldn't those in a happy trusting relationship explore new adventurous ways to build more intimacy?
    I can honestly say I have never felt sex was a chore. We did have a child with chronic illness and that may have impacted our time, but never our desire.

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    1. Thanks Minelle :) Ours has evolved several times by now, I'm sure. That's the key, I think to long term, successful relationships. Continued growth together.

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  6. Now I will have to endure the Revenge of PK.
    It may have happened one time (OK, maybe in the order of two) that I blamed her for something.
    But I could be blamed for worse things. This beautiful post is really, as Sunnygirl says, a Testament to your love.
    Faerie, I think you are a strong woman with a free spirit. A worthy Faerie.
    Oh, and Musicman, does he grow wings too?

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    1. I think you can handle the Revenge of PK, lol.

      Thank you for the lovely compliment. No, Musicman does not grow wings, he does not fly. Musicman orchestrates the beautiful music that is the tether I fly freely on.

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  7. such a great post- you always have such wonderful things to share- I agree that ttwd allows each of us to really hone is on what works for our individual situations - allowing good things and relationships to grow better and better. Bravo!!!!!

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    1. I'm so glad you liked it. Life is full of ups and downs, it so much more fun to share the ups :)

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  8. ttwd is such a great vehicle for many things. It's like clay and can be conformed into whatever lifestyle each couple wants. Nice post, faerie. And way to go, Bas, for being the conversation-starter :)

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    1. Great analogy, not just for ttwd, but for life in general :)

      And yes, way to go Bas, I enjoy good conversation and conversation starters are always welcome :)

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  9. Great post. I just wrote about this a little bit as well. I must say, my Ogre is a lot like your MM..always convinced me there was no ailment sex could not help..lol. We have very convincing men, huh? ;)

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    1. Yes, very convincing men. Your Ogre chooses to convince you of things in a slightly different way then we use. But it seems the end result is much the same, love :)

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  10. A scientific study was performed on spanking. See Women's Health, May 2011. The study showed that spanking aroused women and would enhance sex.

    However, I do not need a study to prove that TTWD adds spice to a couple's sex life.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Welcome joeyred51, thanks for the info, I will have to check it out.

      I don't really need a study to tell me either. I just think the research would be fun, lol :O

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  11. Beautiful post and such a nice tribute to your Musicman and ttwd. Thanks Faerie.

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    1. Thanks Zoe, he is a great guy and I am a very lucky girl :)

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  12. Preach on sista!

    Mrs. AP is very much like you. Maybe it's why I connect with your writing so much. Now, if you start putting on professional Domme attire and throwing floggers and whips on MusicMan, the reflection will be so uncanny I might have to visit just to confirm you're not Mrs. AP in disguise. Come to think, that could be fun just for the conversations! Hmmm.... ;-)

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. Did I sound like I was on a bit of a soapbox? Ooops! LOL. That's what happens when people make me think. It's all Bas's fault, heeheehee.

      I agree the conversations would be fun. Could you bring some professional Domme attire? Cause I have no idea what that looks like and would love to know. Heeheeeheee

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  13. I love what Riley said about ttwd and the clay analogy. And yes, I'd much rather have sex to get rid of a headache in the 'natural' way than a pill. And think of the pennies to be saved :)
    That reminds me of a commercial over here of a man putting a glass of soluble aspirin on his wife's bedside table, she looked at him in confusion and said "but I don't have a headache", to which a huge smile came over his face......

    Dee x

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    1. Hey Dee :) How's it going on your side of the world? Are you still having to walk your fish? LOL.

      I really liked that analogy too, she's one insightful young chica :)

      I'm all about "natural" remedies. Doesn't everyone know that other then sex, the next best way to cure an ill is faerie kisses? Haahaahaahaaahaaa.

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  14. What a great post. I know what you mean about how other view sex. My parents have had separate bedrooms for as long as I can remember. We did go through a dry spell when I was fighting my depression. But sex is so important to the relationship. I am glad that you have found what works for you.

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