In the comments on my last post Bas left a comment asking if I was aware that most couples need a half a year for all those activities. He went on to say a scientific study should be conducted on TTWD and sex. That got me thinking, so you can blame Bas for this post.
First, I love science and am all for a scientific study. Where do I sign up to volunteer as a test subject? As for "most couples", well we aren't most couples. We never have been. Like most women of my generation I was raised by a mother that taught me sex was something to be tolerated when my husband wanted it. There was never any mention of enjoying it or having any expectation of enjoyment. For many reasons I won't go into now, I didn't believe her.
I'm also not one of those women who has ever used sex as a weapon or a tool for manipulation. In fact, before we were married that was something we talked about. It was very important to ME that HE promise that would never happen. I grew up with a prime example of the damage that kind of thinking could do and would not tolerate it in my relationship.
Just doing it because he wanted sex was also not something either one of us would tolerate. He has always wanted a willing, participating partner and so have I. There have been times over the years when we have tried things that just didn't work for one or the other of us. If we couldn't figure out how to make it work for both of us it was off the table. We even dabbled some with D/s and spanking back then, it was okay, but for some reason it just didn't interest us enough to really pursue it. Oh, how times change.
We have never been the type of couple who got to the point where we lived like room mates and went long periods of time without sex. In fact, we have never gone a week without sex unless it involved a serious health issue. I say a serious health issue because Musicman taught me very early on that such things as headaches,cramps and minor aches and pains can be cured with a healthy bout of sex. It wasn't just something he said, he proved it to me, repeatedly, until I believed him. He was very convincing, it didn't take long for me to believe him.
Sex has always been our connection and we've always had a healthy, active sex life. Yes, there were times when life got hectic and we didn't have as much time as we wanted to be together. Those were the times when we sat down, planned and scheduled time to be together. That's how important maintaining that connection is to us.
TTWD is not about anything other then sex and our connection for us. It was something I wanted to explore to fulfill a need in myself. It was never about fixing our relationship, nothing was broken. And, outside the bedroom, not much has changed. That's the way we like it and that's the way we want it. TTWD is an individual thing that should be explored and implemented in accordance with what each couple is trying to achieve.
Exploring TTWD has always been about me finally having the time to explore myself and who I really am as a sexual woman. I spent a lot of years being very proud of the fact that I survived the abuse I grew up with. I was proud of the fact that I took control of my own sexual life and fulfillment. Now I am proud to say I am strong enough to recognize I want to give up that control. That is directly due to the person he is and the love and trust between us. I could never consider doing this with anyone but him.
I am pretty vocal in real life about the fact that I not only like sex, I love it. For me, sex is something to be celebrated. Not a popular or particularly accepted view of sex given the reactions of most people I meet. Musicman and I both have friends that complain the wife never gives it up, or the husband just wants sex. We hear the negative, though socially acceptable comments like this all the time. My best friend is happily married, but freely admits she hasn't had sex in years. I don't understand it, but I don't need to understand it, as long as she is happy.
No we are not like most couples, but I've never been like most women. I certainly don't recommend that anyone go through what I did while growing up. So many don't recover, don't survive or thrive. But for some reason, I did survive and I thrived. TTWD is just another avenue for us to explore on the way to making a great thing even better. A continued growth of our relationship, as we take the next step down the road of life together.