Wednesday, August 15, 2012

It's only Wednesday

I've started and abandoned this post many times today. I just can't quite find the right starting point. So I am just gonna dive in with the warning that I might be all over the place with it.

We seem to be in a bit of a growth period. That's a very good thing, but sometimes it makes my head spin too. So many subtle changes going on that I just can't keep up.

We have had some things that didn't work so well. He had been pushing me to find a video I liked. I know why he wanted me to do this, but I still found it difficult. I told him if this was something he wanted he really needed to push it and not give me a choice. He pushed, I failed, he spanked me. It was probably supposed to be a punishment type spanking, but that just doesn't work for me. It did however, motivate me to make the time to find something.

We have watched porn vids together for years so it should not have been a big deal to find one. Ummmm....yeah, it was a big thing. I like porn, but I'm very picky about what I will watch. He also didn't want just any old vanilla porn vid. He wanted me to find something that I liked, sorta a visual example for him of what I find enticing.

The problem is, I find most kink or BDSM vids too raw and intense for my tastes.  It's never a good thing when I'm watching one and I have to look away in disgust or run for the bathroom to be ill. But that is usually what seems to happen for me. The visual is just too much for me. With some effort, I found one. The intensity of it was a bit more then I would have liked, but it didn't have any actual activities that grossed me out. Time came to share it with him.

It didn't go so well, he found the intensity of it difficult to watch too, so we turned it off. Unfortunately, the comments he made left me feeling pretty bereft and remote. I just really, really wanted to run and hide. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to think about it. It sparked a monumental fight between Em and Rat in my mind that raged for about 24 hours, despite the fact that he had gone on to spank me and fuck my brains out.

The good thing about it all is that Rat won that fight. I did not spiral down, though I did become kinda quiet. Always a cause of concern for Musicman. That led to an elightening conversation that I think really helped us both. It also led to the first ever spanking not followed by sex. That is a major step for us. It is something we have talked just a little bit about in the past. Neither one of us was very sure how well that would go over. We both worried that my reaction would be negative. I'm quite happy to report that my reaction was anything but negative. Yay, another door opened.

We also had another first this week. I've never been much of a picture person. If the cameras come out, I head for the hills. I haven't had a camera since my kids were young. That camera was the old fashioned film kind. Kinda hard to take naughty pics of yourself if you have to take them somewhere to get developed. We don't have cell phones. I don't know how to text, much less sext. But, recently I have been wanting a camera, not really sure why, I just did.

We went shopping this weekend and Musicman bought me a digital camera. I'm still learning how to use it. My first success was doing the magic paddle pics post. My man is a bit of a voyeur, I'm a bit of an exhibionist, though I really don't like the way I look in pictures.

I spent yesterday doing some self pics and managed to put together a rather nice slideshow that I then sent to Musicman via email. That was an easy email to tell him about.  One thing I learned is self pics aren't as easy to do as I thought. The other thing I learned is that I kinda liked doing it. They involved me, in a very feminine white lacy sundress and my nipple clamps. I think he liked them. And today, I have several ideas for more pics. The camera takes videos too, and he has several ideas about that which I find quite enticing. Yay, another door opened.

So, over all, a pretty good week, and it's only wednesday.





30 comments:

  1. Yeah I can understand not wanting to watch those kind of movies, the visual would be too much for me too. How about reading a story to each other? That way it is not all in your face, and you guys can imagine it together? And I am not talking 50 Shades of Grey, but something much better.

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    1. That's a good idea :) I think we both learned something from the incident, so it wasn't a total loss, lol.

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  2. I like Julia's suggestion a lot:) And, a break through of sorts! Yay!

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    1. I do too, now I just need a bit of time to find something :)

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  3. What about drawn or painted images rather than movies?

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    1. Another great idea :) I admit, I don't often look at images. I spend way more time concentrating on the written word, lol.

      But, he is a very visual man, and that is his preference, so that is what I do. As I type that I realize how submissive that sounds, and I am surprised again. How did I miss it all those years? LOL ;D

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  4. Sounds like overall it's been a good week for you guys, Faerie! That's great! :)

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    1. Thanks Grace, it has been pretty good. Just a wee bit of growing pains maybe, lol.

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  5. I think the problem with a lot of kink orientated porn is that its finding the right balance..they either seem to be extreme or really tame..difficult to find something in the middle ground.

    I also think watching porn tends to be something that men get more out of than the woman..men usually are more for visual stimulation whereas for woman its more stimulation of the mind that gets us going...of course there are exceptions.

    Sounds like your having fun with the camera, i hate having my picture taken im not an exhibitionist at all lol

    Hope the rest of the week goes as well and its good that your exploring more and discovering new things about yourselves.

    x

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    1. Aaah yes, that illusive middle ground, lol. That is what I'm looking for.

      I agree about the tendency to watch porn being more a male thing, that is definitely the case here. It is something I have known about him for years, he is a visual learner and easily visually stimulated. I have used that to my advantage in many ways over the years, lol.

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  6. Growth period sounds overall pretty good Faerie. Enjoy your new camera. (Watching porn would not work for me either. Stories as suggested above are better:)

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    1. Thanks SNP, I think it is going to be a lot of fun, lol :) Watching porn is not my preference, but it is his.

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  7. I've been pushed to find videos, too. It never worked too well. We've reverted to tumblr, have you tried that? We both tumble erotic pictures we like and then we try them out for ourselves. It's easier than finding a picture, but nice because we have a whole collection of ideas from it. Maybe you could check it out?

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    1. I can find vanilla ones okay, I'm picky, but I can find them. Just no luck yet with kink kind, lol.

      I will have to check it out. I have seen a few I liked, but don't really look regularly.

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  8. Sounds like great growth! I also find porn too much usually, although some spankingtube videos have really turned me on. If you ever find something you recommend, I'd love to hear it.

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    1. I would feel comfortable recommending some vanilla ones, but that's it, lol. We have watched those together on and off over the years. I have looked at spanking tube, though not recently. Maybe I should give it another look ;D

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  9. Growth is good, albeit with some pains it sounds like. And go Rat!

    :) And it is already Wednesday in my world. So much to do, so little of the week left.

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    1. There are definitely some growing pains. But, then again, I like pain, haahaahaaa!!!!

      I was pretty impressed with Rat too, she kicked ass :)

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  10. Growing togheter and Opening doors.
    Sounds good.
    Haven't seen a porn video for ages. Seen one, seen'm all.
    There are lots of exciting scenes in ordinary movies, usually much better filmed.
    If you ever find a good one let us know.
    Now, your new career as a movie-director sounds really promising. Maybe this will help with finding a video for next time.

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    1. Musicman is a bit of a voyuer, he taught me early on to appreciate porn. I am extremely picky about what I like, so he encourages me to pick it out.

      We've made videos together over the years too, he does the directing during those :) This is the first time I have ever attempted self pics like these. I think I'm gonna like my camera, a whole lot, lol.

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  11. I'm very critical of pics of myself. Any pics! If I don't look suitably beautiful, it's the delete button lol! Haven't toyed with sexy pics really with Mitch, I'd like to, but I know I'd be a nightmare, he sees me through rose tinted glasses, which isn't a bad thing but what he perceives as a lovely pic, doesn't always match with mine.
    Anyhow, glad to hear things going along nicely :) and if MM reads this...... she wants a mobile phone next ok :)

    Dee x

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    1. Oh, if I had had my druthers? I'd never have done anything with those pics but hit delete. The thing to remember is that they see us with rose colored glasses :) That applies to pics too, at least in my experience, lol. Do you really think I like the way my backside looks in the videos we have made? Heck no, but he loves it.

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    1. Awww, thanks. He thinks so, so it must be true :)

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  13. Happy things are going along so well. As for the camera, I'm sure you will do it as well as you do everything else. Be careful of those pics you send to MM during the day, he may get so revved up he might need to come home for lunch. LOL

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    1. Heeheehee ;D He doesn't check his email at work, in fact he doesn't check it unless I've told him I sent something. Unfortunately, geographically speaking, and given the time constraints, a lunch time hookup is not possible. Believe me, I know, I've thought of all kinds of ways, but it just doesn't work out, lol.

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  14. glad things are moving forward for you my friend

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  15. I'm glad you figured out some new things. I'm especially happy for you that Rat won and you avoided that spiral. Those spirals are a bitch, we know, and it's beyond awesome that you're able to look at it now and still avoid it. See how strong your wings are getting?

    I've never looked into spanking or BDSM vids. I'm much more of an amateur group sex kind of guy, so that's where my searches wandered whenever I needed some visual stimulation. Now, though, all I have to do is look at Mrs. AP and I'm ready to go! ^_^

    Do have fun with the camera! My most interesting experience with self shots involved as 10 second timer delay and balancing my camera against my shoe. On a chair. At the beach. And nothing on but a smile.

    Anyway, I'm glad you're doing well. ((hugs))

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. I'm pretty impressed that Rat won, too. That rarely happens, lol.

      Musicman watches a much wider variety of stuff then I do. He enjoys it, so I have learned to enjoy some of it.

      I haven't learned all the features on my camera yet, but it has a delay timer that I am definitely going to be figuring out, soon :)

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