Life is full of ups and downs, much like a roller coaster . We've certainly had our share of roller coaster moments over the last few years. I don't like roller coasters and would like to get off now please.
I have anxiety issues, bad enough that I take medication for it. I also tend to be a huge over thinker. I'm working very hard to stop that, cause when I do, I find myself spiraling into a bad place very quickly. I don't like myself when I'm like that, so I can't imagine anyone else even wanting to be around me.
Despite trying very hard not to I was spiraling pretty bad on Sunday. Musicman recognized this and thought a spanking and some playtime might help. I was skeptical, but he went ahead and got the crop out.
A spanking and playtime did occur. It helped some, but it also felt kind of akward. I've never felt that way before from a spanking and/or playtime. So of course I had to think and rethink, and rethink, ad nauseum, as to why I felt that way. It clearly was not the outcome Musicman intended and I fear I may have hurt his feelings or shaken his confidence. Not what I intended at all.
I did eventually figure out what happened that made me feel that way. Knowing that Musicman is not the best communicator, especially when it comes to these kinds of things, I did what I thought was the next best thing. I emailed him an explanation. I know he read it, but there's been no response yet.
Obviously I'm hoping he does respond, but we do have a lot going on. I'm getting ready to go see my brother and T. I'm planning on being gone about a month. Musicman doesn't like it when I'm gone that long, but this may be the only time I get to see them this year and I want to make the most of it.
Three weeks after I get home I'll be having surgery to fix my shoulder. It's been almost a year since my injury. All noninvasive treatments have been tried and unfortunately there has been no significant healing, so surgery is the only choice left. And poof, there goes the summer that hasn't even started yet.