Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Just thinking out loud

Musicman continues to be engrossed in work and hanging on to material things. Material things that while necessary, and I suppose scary to think about losing, it doesn't scare me at all. 

I don't feel these things he's working himself to exhaustion to save, serve us well, nor am I interested in keeping them.  Honestly, I'd be thrilled to let them go and move on.

It saddens me that he is spending so much time and effort on this, to the exclusion of everything else, including me. I spend all day every day home alone, but I'm never as lonely as I am when he's home.  I understand he needs and deserves time to decompress and relax when he's home, but if he's awake, he's  online on his phone, always.

There was a time when I would have addressed this with him, but not anymore.  I've talked till I'm blue in the face.  He knows exactly how I feel about this situation, and still nothing has changed.

I keep myself busy by cleaning the mess and working on fixing the damage done to our home when the kids lived here.  This house no longer feels like my home and I don't think it ever will again.  As I've been cleaning I've also been packing away my personal things, at least the ones that weren't damaged.  Musicman hasn't really noticed.  That saddens me too.

I haven't completely given up, I'm just approaching things a little differently.   I'm trying to focus more on taking care of myself, trying to rebuild my life. Not an easy thing to do when everything around you is falling apart, but I'm doing it anyway.

I did do something I never thought I'd do to get his attention and it sort of worked. But that's a story for another day as I'm still observing and evaluating the outcome.







12 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself...keep doing that.
    hugs abby

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    1. I will, it's one of the few things I can do right now.

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  2. I'm interested in the story. Sounds like anything that gets his attention at all has to be something major. I can only wish you luck.

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    1. Thanks PK, I'll be writing soon, hopefully. You're right it does seem to take something major to get his attention. That doesn't seem right to me and I'm running out of ideas to try and interest in trying to be honest.

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  3. Sounds like being the wife of an oil field worker, married but single I know that feeling all too well, him being gone even when he's home. Focusing on yourself helps a lot.

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    1. I'm sorry you can relate cause for me this is something new and not right.

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  4. (((hugs))) Faerie, glad too that you are taking care of you.

    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz, took me awhile to accept that he has no interest in what I'm currently going through, but it's the cold honest truth.

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  5. I feel sad reading this post. I know it's best to keep taking care of yourself - and you're doing a way better job of it than I could. I can only imagine how lonely it must feel. Sending HUGS your way.

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    1. I don't know that I'm doing such a great job. Some days are better than others, but I don't have much choice.

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  6. I am sorry I have not been reading much lately. Please know I have been thinking of you. I am glad you are taking care of yourself. Hugs

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  7. No worries my friend, I remember how frenetic being a working mom can be 😯. Not sure I'm always doing such a good job at taking care of myself, I'm seem to be so much better at taking care of others. But all those people I spent so much time and energy caring for aren't around when I need help, so I'm doing it myself as best I can.

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