Just thinking out loud

Musicman continues to be engrossed in work and hanging on to material things. Material things that while necessary, and I suppose scary to think about losing, it doesn't scare me at all. 

I don't feel these things he's working himself to exhaustion to save, serve us well, nor am I interested in keeping them.  Honestly, I'd be thrilled to let them go and move on.

It saddens me that he is spending so much time and effort on this, to the exclusion of everything else, including me. I spend all day every day home alone, but I'm never as lonely as I am when he's home.  I understand he needs and deserves time to decompress and relax when he's home, but if he's awake, he's  online on his phone, always.

There was a time when I would have addressed this with him, but not anymore.  I've talked till I'm blue in the face.  He knows exactly how I feel about this situation, and still nothing has changed.

I keep myself busy by cleaning the mess and working on fixing the damage done to our home when the kids lived here.  This house no longer feels like my home and I don't think it ever will again.  As I've been cleaning I've also been packing away my personal things, at least the ones that weren't damaged.  Musicman hasn't really noticed.  That saddens me too.

I haven't completely given up, I'm just approaching things a little differently.   I'm trying to focus more on taking care of myself, trying to rebuild my life. Not an easy thing to do when everything around you is falling apart, but I'm doing it anyway.

I did do something I never thought I'd do to get his attention and it sort of worked. But that's a story for another day as I'm still observing and evaluating the outcome.