Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Maybe, finally, a small glimpse of hope is springing through. After several months of trying to negotiate this issue we have been dealing with and usually failing miserably, I am beginning to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Out of options and in a desperate attempt at self preservation I pulled way back from any expectations.

That hasn't been easy for me. It's been incredibly lonely and somewhat depressing for me. I miss him and the small daily interactions that mean so much to me. I often questioned if it was the right move to make, but reality is, I didn't see any other choice. Musicman has been overwhelmed with the stress of this issue and didn't need me adding to it.

Every time an opportunity was missed, I felt just a bit more broken, a bit farther away from where I wanted to be. I did my best to maintain my submission without any sign of dominance from him. It wasn't easy and I haven't always succeeded, but I was determined. I felt if I could just hang in there and be actively supportive, in a way that was beneficial to him, he would come back to me.

During this time he has not just been moping around, stressed out and doing nothing. He has pursued many options, both large and small, to alleviate the situation. Some things have worked, to a degree, others have just not panned out for us. I think we have finally found something that will put us, and him, on a more even keel. Something that will relieve his stress in a way that will allow him to stop focusing solely on this issue and remember that I am here and waiting for him.

I saw a glimmer of that last night. Privacy continues to be an issue, but we were alone for hours last night. Not much happened, much to my chagrin, I doubt he even realized that fact. But, a few swats and a request from him is better than what I have been getting. It gives me hope that maybe this issue will soon be resolved and we can start moving on with our lives. We can start focusing on us again, on occasion, and work our way forward to a good place again.

I admit, I'm a little hesitant to let that hope bloom, for fear of disappointment, but everyone has to have hope, don't they? It's literally been months since any kind of spanking, other than a few light ones with the coat hanger, have occurred. I would say I am in desperate need of something epic, a real multiple implement spanking and all the wonderful activities that follow. It would be so easy to let my hopes grow and blossom into anticipation. I'm going to tamp that feeling down though, cause while it's good to have expectations, I'm not entirely sure it's the right time, yet.

He's showing signs of pulling out of this haze he has been lost in and if I can just be patient a bit longer, he will come back and then we both win.

Thanks to everyone for the great questions. They have been a lot of fun to answer and have given me a much needed distraction. I am off to work today, through a blizzard I might add, but I will get to unanswered comments and the rest of the questions soon.





22 comments:

  1. ((((Hugs))))) really hope you're both on your way back to where you want and need to be xx

    'Every time an opportunity was missed, I felt just a bit more broken'
    oooh I know THAT feeling! I'm getting better at hanging in there, because we've always gotten through it before, but it's still agonising!

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    1. Thanks mc kitten, we have a long way to go, but I have seen a few forward steps. It is agonizing, but experience tells me there is not much we can't get through together. It feels like hell when you are going through it, so remembering that we will get through it can be the biggest challenge.

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  2. Be safe today.....it is really bad here. Kudos to you for trying to maintain your submissive mindset on your own...that is very difficult to do. I hope your hope can grow and turn into anticipation....you both are long overdue for the kind of connection that serve you both.
    hugs abby

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    1. The weather was horrible, easily the worst I've had to be out in this winter. Everything about these last several months has been hard, but missing him has been the worst. At the moment, I am cautiously optimistic.

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  3. You seem to be doing the best you can so all I can do is wish you good luck. Let's hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

    FD

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    1. Thanks FD, I know there is a light at the end of tunnel. I just don't know how long the tunnel is. Hopefully we are at the end of it.

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  4. never give hope...keep following the light at the end of the tunnel... :-) Hugs

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    1. Thanks Terpsichore, I never give up hope, it may dim from time to time, but I never entirely give up :)

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  5. Keep staying positive and moving forward. Send positivity to you both to come through the tunnel.

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    1. Thanks Sunnygirl, life has felt a bit like being mired in quicksand lately, so even a small amount of forward progress feels like a giant accomplishment.

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  6. I have become disillusioned and discouraged so often wishing this lifestyle would take off for me in my marriage and we haven't had anywhere near the turmoil that you've had to go through. But it's always there - hopes springs eternal. We can give up on it completely and then they will swat or even just say something and we're right back to hoping. I have complete confidence things will improve for you. There will still be ups and downs always. But you'll be better.

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    1. Hope does spring eternal and I have taken a lot of inspiration from the fact that even though things haven't always gone the way you would have liked, you have never given up. Yep, the ups and downs will always be around, I'm just ready for some up time right now, maybe even desperate, lol.

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  7. What you are doing is amazing, you are so strong!

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    1. Thanks River Wild. I am a strong woman, but even strong women have their limits.

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  8. Oh faerie, I'll hope along with you, though I understand that reticence to open yourself up for disappointment. Cycles of life...I hope yours returns to normalcy soon. And I was driving in the same blasted blizzards today. Ugh.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

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    1. Thanks Fiona, Normal? What is that? Haahaahaaa. I have been known to tell people that I pray for boredom. That all I really want is a few nice, quiet, boring days with no drama. I know, that seems like a lot to ask for, but I'm asking anyway.

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    2. You and me both, sista!!! Who is hoarding all of those boring moments?? I want mine back!!!!

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    3. If I find whomever is hoarding them I will be sure to let you know :)

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  9. Hi Faerie, :) I'm so glad to see that glimmer of positive change coming your way. Always stay hopeful. Hope is an important thing! Warm thoughts and big hugs sent your way,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thanks Katie, I usually am a very positive person, but this last year has really been a challenge. I remain hopeful that things are taking a turn for the better.

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  10. Hey Faerie...so happy that you see that glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Yes, you should have hope...not expectations necessarily but definitely hope. The end of the tunnel might be quite a distance away but I do believe you two will get there.

    Sending lots of prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts!

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. It is nice to finally see a little bit of light in our lives, the world has been so grey lately, both figuratively and literally. I know we will get to the end of the tunnel, we always do, I just want it to be now. Patience is a virtue I did not get, lol.

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