Maybe, finally, a small glimpse of hope is springing through. After several months of trying to negotiate this issue we have been dealing with and usually failing miserably, I am beginning to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Out of options and in a desperate attempt at self preservation I pulled way back from any expectations.
That hasn't been easy for me. It's been incredibly lonely and somewhat depressing for me. I miss him and the small daily interactions that mean so much to me. I often questioned if it was the right move to make, but reality is, I didn't see any other choice. Musicman has been overwhelmed with the stress of this issue and didn't need me adding to it.
Every time an opportunity was missed, I felt just a bit more broken, a bit farther away from where I wanted to be. I did my best to maintain my submission without any sign of dominance from him. It wasn't easy and I haven't always succeeded, but I was determined. I felt if I could just hang in there and be actively supportive, in a way that was beneficial to him, he would come back to me.
During this time he has not just been moping around, stressed out and doing nothing. He has pursued many options, both large and small, to alleviate the situation. Some things have worked, to a degree, others have just not panned out for us. I think we have finally found something that will put us, and him, on a more even keel. Something that will relieve his stress in a way that will allow him to stop focusing solely on this issue and remember that I am here and waiting for him.
I saw a glimmer of that last night. Privacy continues to be an issue, but we were alone for hours last night. Not much happened, much to my chagrin, I doubt he even realized that fact. But, a few swats and a request from him is better than what I have been getting. It gives me hope that maybe this issue will soon be resolved and we can start moving on with our lives. We can start focusing on us again, on occasion, and work our way forward to a good place again.
I admit, I'm a little hesitant to let that hope bloom, for fear of disappointment, but everyone has to have hope, don't they? It's literally been months since any kind of spanking, other than a few light ones with the coat hanger, have occurred. I would say I am in desperate need of something epic, a real multiple implement spanking and all the wonderful activities that follow. It would be so easy to let my hopes grow and blossom into anticipation. I'm going to tamp that feeling down though, cause while it's good to have expectations, I'm not entirely sure it's the right time, yet.
He's showing signs of pulling out of this haze he has been lost in and if I can just be patient a bit longer, he will come back and then we both win.
Thanks to everyone for the great questions. They have been a lot of fun to answer and have given me a much needed distraction. I am off to work today, through a blizzard I might add, but I will get to unanswered comments and the rest of the questions soon.