Exactly What I Needed

It's been a wonderful weekend alone, almost like a mini vacation. It's been everything I've needed and wanted. I'm still trying to digest it all. There just seem to be so many thoughts swirling, that I can't quite grab a place to start. Every time I do, I get lost on side tangents, cause there's just so much to think about.

Hmmmm....can we say, "over stimulated?" Haahaahaaaa.... I'm also extremely satisfied. (insert huge grin here)

So, given that my thoughts are so scattered, I thought I might just capture some bullet points. References, if you will, that I can revisit and explore more, after I've had more time to digest and my schedule allows for writing.

Implements: he used several, his hand, the magic paddle, the leather paddle, the new implement I made, courtesy of anonymous' suggestion. Thank you anonymous!

The day to day occurrences, such as the fly by swatting and the hands everywhere. It keeps my mind in a certain mindset, it builds anticipation. The submissive mindset, all I want to do is serve and please. I like that mindset, a whole bunch. I feel safe there.

Slave - he bandy's that word about sometimes, he did this weekend. I loved it, yet it's something I haven't really explored much. I begin to think, it might be something I might want to define for myself.

The distinct differences, between the submissive me and the masochistic me. Though I've just begun to recognize and acknowledge those sides of me, I realize one has been around a long time, the other is much more recent. The masochist is something I've evolved into. I believe, as a result of my submission, which is a result of my trust, in him. Or, at least that seems to be the tangent my mind follows on this one.

The things he wants vs. the things I want. The way we each go about getting what we want. The areas I need to work on and improve in, to please him. What he can do to help me achieve that. Everything he did this weekend, worked wonderfully well. I don't know that I was able to do everything he asked easily, but I attempted more than I ever have. That's a start.

That concludes the short version, of the things blowing through my mind at the moment. The kids have started to trickle home. I expected that and made a huge lasagna in preparation. There is a spinach salad and garlic bread to go with it.

Back to reality and work tomorrow. That's okay though, cause I have made some wonderful memories. And, I know, if given the time and the chance, I will discover that I have learned a lot about both of us from this weekend together. Maybe, if I focus, I can identify those things and apply them for future growth together.

For the moment, the huge grin, remains in place. Along with the sting and ache, in my body, that comes with being well used, well satisfied, well loved.