Thursday, December 20, 2012

I have my voice back!!!

My computer is back from the hospital and appears to be all fixed. Yay! I have my voice back. Now, if I could just find my mind, lol. They had to wipe it and reload it, so I lost some stuff, but nothing I can't live without. Hey, maybe that would help my mind too. There are a few programs that I will download again, soon, but that can wait a few days. I'm just so happy to have it back and be able to read and write again.

This whole experience with my computer has been, for me, an interesting look at how D/s works for us in our everyday lives. It highlighted a couple of different issues really. One is the fact that Musicman doesn't really understand how important it is to me. My computer, that it is, not D/s.  He voiced more then once the fact that he didn't understand why I was so sad about it not working.

I explained every time that it isn't the computer, it's the friends that live in my computer that I can't connect with that makes me sad. This is one of those glaring differences between us that neither really gets, but we both accept. He has never really understood my need to connect with other people. Other then a few chosen close friends and family, he doesn't have that need. I would even go so far as to say that the only thing about TTWD that he finds in any way odd or unusual, is my need to talk about it.

He worked on it quite a bit over the last few weeks, trying to get it fixed. I'm so grateful for that. He didn't have to spend his evenings after work and time on his day off doing that. He even spent hours working on it during football games, something I would never have asked him to do.  He did it because, even though he doesn't understand my need to connect with others, he accepts it. He knew it was important to me, so it became important to him too. That's pretty cool when you think about it.

Something happened when I took my computer to be fixed that highlighted another aspect for me. Ya see, I had a moment. I was standing at the counter talking to the computer guy, other people were also there being helped. There was a bit of noise, but nothing too distracting. The guy told me how much it was going to cost to diagnose and fix my computer. It was significantly different from what they had told me over the phone. It was significantly more money then I would ever spend without checking with Musicman first. I had a moment of panic, because Musicman wasn't there for me to discuss it with.

In that moment, everything went quiet, except for the man being helped next to me. Everyone in the area clearly heard him say he was looking for something to put on his computer to catch his wife cheating. That simple statement set off a firestorm of thoughts that rained down on me so quickly, all I really got were emotional impressions.  But, it was enough to jar me out of my moment of paralization and make a decision. I'm happy to say, when I told Musicman about it, he said he would have made the same decision. That made me feel so much better.

It's not that I can't make decisions about how to spend money, I just usually don't. That's his job, not mine. It's not something I ever really thought of as submissive, it's just the way it works for us. We have very different thoughts and feelings about money and how it should be handled. I willingly let him handle all of it.

I, for one, have absolutely no interest in money. If I could figure out how to survive without it, I would. I have always worked and contributed monetarily to our family, but I hate having to manage it. My paycheck is direct deposited and my pay stub comes in the mail, I never look at them. I have a separate account, for use with my kindle and online purchases, he monitors it for me for problems.

He handles the day to day management of the finances and if I want something, I ask for it. I don't specifically ask for every little thing. I'm free to spend as I see fit, within reason. We don't have any problems deciding what "within reason" means to either of us. In fact, I'd say that I define it more strictly then he does. That's because I appreciate the fact that major purchases and how our money is managed are his choice. It gives me the freedom from worrying about it. On the surface it looks like financial submission, maybe it is, I don't know. What I do know is, it's what I want and what works for us. That moment, yesterday, made me realize how much I've come to depend on it, on him.

So, in conclusion, I'm baaaaaack!!! I'll be spending time over the next few days, barring work and holiday commitments, getting caught up with everyone. Reconnecting with all my friends. Many thanks to you all for hanging in there with me through all the whiny posts.



36 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks lil, it's good to be back :)

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  2. Replies
    1. Yanno...it does feel like coming home :)

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  3. Replies
    1. Thank you Mrs. D, it's so nice to be back :)

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  4. So glad to have you back! When we got married we each kept our own bills - we moved into his house and he paid the mortgage and utilities and I paid my credit cards, the groceries, and when they came along the kids day care and such. I hated it. Then I had to take over my parents bills and getting them paid - really hated that. One of the things that changed with TTWD is that I immediately handed him the check book and said have at it. That was after 23 years of marriage. I love him doing it!

    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. We combined our money from the beginning, but for the first few years I managed it. I hated it and gave it to him to do when we decided to have kids. I was not at all interested in working and taking care of the kids and house and the money, something HAD to go.

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  5. So great to have you back, and I'm so happy your computer is fixed!

    Hugs, Julia

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    1. Thanks Julia, I'm ecstatic it's fixed. It's my lifeline to the world, lol :)

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  6. Glad you are back.

    Funny how we arrange things. When we were first married, we each kept our own accounts. Much like PK he pays the house bills and I paid my credit cards and groceries. We've changed back and forth over the years but basically we still maintain joint accounts - but he operates out of one and I operate out of the other, big purchases are discussed.

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    1. I took care of the moeny the first few years, but I always hated it. By year 4 I gave it to him and I've never regretted it.

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  7. Welcome back. Look forward to having you back in the community. I find it so rewarding to be connected with members of this community.

    FD

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    1. Me too!! It's so nice to be back :)

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  8. Welcome back, faerie! Missed you loads!

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    1. Thanks Conina, I missed you loads too :)

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  9. So so happy to have you back!! :):):)

    Belle:)

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    1. Thanks Belle, it's one thing to take an occasion break, but this forced one was not fun :)

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  10. Welcome back! Yay!
    I hate Doing the bills. I started out doing all when staying home with our kids.
    We always just combined our money. However I'd gladly never deal with that again!

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    1. We've always combined our money too, and I took care of it the first few years. I always hated it and gave it to him about 4 years in. I don't miss it a bit.

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  11. Replies
    1. Thanks Spanky. Congrats on your blog anniversary :)

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  12. Oh faerie, it's GOOD to have you back!

    Isn't it kinda a warm and fuzzy feeling when you realize that there are parts if your dynamic with your significant other that Work...not like things don't work in general. But the knowledge that parts flow just so precisely and perfectly that you don't notice them. It's like you have parts in perfect sync that they are not noticed, it's just how it should be. I LOVE those parts-and the realization that they're there :-)

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    1. Thanks SirQsmlb, it's great to be back. It does kinda give me the warm fuzzies when I realize how well some things work. They have always been there, I just appreciate them so much more now :)

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  13. Good to hear the computer is back. Completely wiping it is the best method. It works always and is good for privacy, but you do need to have good backups.
    Maybe Musicman does not understand the importance, but we do, so we're super glad to have you back.
    I've always handled our money. We combined accounts during our honeymoon. Never had a problem with it. When Lisa goes shopping she asks for a budget, she always did that. Has nothing to do with TTWD. Just wanted to know what she could spent without me pulling faces afterwards. Our Daughter tried to keep everything separate which meant she and her friend (now her husband) had to split everything 3 ways: his, hers and ours. There bookkeeping looked like a big company. Always repaying parts of paid amounts to one another. Drove them nuts. Now they have combined and have no more problems.

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    1. We combined our accounts right after we married too. I did take care of it for the first few years, but always hated doing it. I've never regretted giving it to him and have no problems at all with asking for a spending limit. That just always seemed like the right way to handle it :)

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  14. Welcome back....we missed you lots! A great Christmas gift!
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks abby, getting my computer fixed is the only thing I really wanted for Christmas. Well, that and some quality time with Musicman, lol :)

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  15. Replies
    1. Thanks Terpsichore, hope everything is good with you :)

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  16. Replies
    1. Thanks Kitty, I'm looking forward to being able to read more. I missed t so much.

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  17. Glad you are back....doing the happy dance.

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    1. Aww...thanks DB! I'm picturing Snoopy in my head right now, lol.

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  18. "He knew it was important to me, so it became important to him too. "

    The nicest thing I've heard all day!

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    1. Thanks Fondles, that's just kinda how things work for us. Not a bad thing at all :)

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