Something odd is going on. I am meeting a lot of new people at work, new faces and new names. I don't even try to remember them all. I just warn everybody that I am a honey, baby, sweetie, darlin, kinda girl. I rarely use anyones name. It's just a habit I have always had. It makes my teenage sons friends blush and giggle when I do it.
Neither my co-workers nor my customers seem to be bothered that I call them sweetie or honey or whatever pops out at the moment. That's not the odd thing. The odd thing is, apparently I needed to warn them that I don't respond to my own name. It has happened a couple times now, someone has called my name and I heard it, but it didn't register that they were talking to me.
Musicman never really uses my real name. He most often calls me babe, or honey or even woman. I respond to all of them. Of course my kids call me Mom. The first time I didn't respond I brushed it off as just me not paying attention. When it happened a few more times I really started to think about it.
It seems that I have so fully embraced this submissive side of myself that I no longer think of myself as me. If they had called me faerie, I would have answered immediately. That seems a bit odd to me.
At first I questioned how I could miss being so submissive for all these years. Then I accepted it as a natural progression for me. I'm not sure when I really started thinking of myself as faerie instead of as my real name. It does seem that I have though.
I originally picked the name faerie because it was obvious for me. I love faeries and have them all over my home. I also have faeries in several of my tatoo's. I have just always identified strongly with them. They are magical mischievious little things. It was just a very natural fit for me.
I never in a million years would have thought that I would at some point identify that name as me. I guess that is a measure of how natural this feels for me.
Maybe that back pain isn't from work, maybe it's my wings sprouting. Or maybe I am just crazy.